Do I take Dr's advice?

[Dotters]

Hi, just back from the 6-8 week check-up and feeling a little upset.

DD is thriving, no issues there, but when we went onto the doctors office LO was beginning to grizzle for food, and I said she might cry for her examinations as she is getting hungry.

Dr asked when she last ate, and I said I finished the last feed about an hour ago. She asked how often LO feeds and I explained every 2/3 hours in the night, but that it was mote irregular in the day and I just fed on demand.

Dr said she suspected DD was not hungry, but tired, and made the association of mummy smelling nice of milk, and finding it easier to sleep in a full tummy in my arms, so I should consider making her wait to feed (10 minutes of crying) in the daytime to make her self settle if its not really hunger, and to encourage her to therefore sleep longer at night too. Dr said I was looking tired, and needed to remember to look after myself more.

OK, I am tired, getting by on 5 hours (max) of broken sleep a night will do that to you, as I am sure you all know!

Thing is, I suppose I am spoiling her, she sleeps on me, gets fed at the first signs of hunger, and does often feed to sleep, but I can't listen to he cry. It makes me snap inside and want to cry myself. I will let her grizzle if I am busy making lunch or something, but that's my limit.

People here seem very experienced and give good advice. Should I push through the pain of her crying so she might find a better routine of feeds and not graze on me all day feeding to sleep and maybe therefore get more sleep at night, or do I go on as we are? Am I going to struggle in the long run with self settling if I do?

I am feeling the effects of sleep deprivation, so a small part of me wants to do anything to make it easier in that respect (we already have a side-car cot) but I just don't know what to do for the best...

Hi, TBH I think it's a personal thing. For some ppl they need to push for a bit of routine and for others listening to crying etc is worse than the constant feeding so basically, do whichever is the 'lesser evil' for you. Hope that made sense!

I had a HV telling me that I was spoiling my 3 wk old DD as she was asleep in my arms. Luckily DD is my second child so I took that with a massive pinch of salt.

Your DD is so young still, you really can't spoil a newborn - in fact meeting their needs now can mean less crying later on (there have been studies). And bf on demand as you have been doing is absolutely the best way to build up a good milk supply.

If you want to go the routine route there is plenty of time for that. For me things settled down by about 3/4 months, then both mine seemed to really find their own routine after solids were introduced at 6 months.

And you sound like you are doing brilliantly by the way :)

I think your instincts are telling you what to do. It feels like you're being punched in the stomach when she cries for a reason. Your body is telling you to comfort your child. You aren't spoiling her. She's tiny. And milk isn't just food. It's a drink and it's comfort and it's familiar and it's stability and warmth and all sorts of things.

Do anything and everything else to make life easier. They are small for so little time. And you're teaching your little baby that when she asks for you, you come. That's v important indeed.

You can start to think about expressing so somebody else can feed I suppose.

You are doing nothing at all wrong. Little babies feed often. Bmilk is quickly digested and they ask for it regularly.

Well done. And don't feel you're doing anything wrong. There's plenty of time for self settling.

Imagine if the feeding to sleep didn't work. Now there's a scary thought.

What I am about to say will brand me as Old and may get me flamed - but

My Best Friend was encouraged by her midwife to let her 5 day old baby cry for 2 minutes during a visit where said midwife had seen the baby feed and was convinced the crying was not hunger. Best Friend gritted teeth, put the baby down, set the timer, girded her loins (or what was left of them)...and baby fell asleep after 1 min of crying.

I didn't follow this advice myself (DH allergic to sound of crying baby).

Her DCs both slept well. Mine didn't sleep through until they were 3 years old.

10 mins might be going it a bit, but if I could wind back the clock I would invest those two minutes - or even five - without hesitation.

Oh, her DD has grown up normal, delightful, happy, 10 gcse's all a* or a etc etc, in case you are worried about lasting psychological damage.

I think the risk is that a little baby doesn't understand. They go from 9 months inside you, your voice, your heartbeat, warmth etc. Are born and it's all new but your arms and your warmth and heartbeat are there. And suddenly they're not. And they don't know why.

I would never be able to convince myself that they had self settled as opposed to given up and/or passed out through fatigue. The lesson that I came when they asked was one I was happy to teach to a tiny baby.

There's plenty of time to encourage them to self settle when they're smiley and happy, not crying for your help.

And I fed on demand. DD was a smiley, happy baby and an independent, happy toddler who self settled with ease from an age when she was ready for it.

You have to do what you feel comfortable with. DS1 was fed on demand and never waited a nano second for anything. One of the worst sleepers ever. DD1 had to wait - I had a big brother to deal with and sometimes I shut the bedroom door and left her to it because I had to spend some time with him and eventually she would cry herself to sleep. Overall DD1 was an even worse sleeper than her brother. They are the way they are. Do what you're happy with.

The doc was very prescriptive do you know if ss/he has any children? You sound like you are doing fine. Don't take too much notice.

Doctors aren't parenting experts (IMO there's no such thing). I think your doctor was speaking out of turn, actually. How you tend your child is your business. I agree that your instincts are there for a reason.

I must say I tend to agree with showofbloodystumps.
My DS has just turned 1yr a couple of weeks ago. The last year has gone so quickly & my little cuddly bundle is toddling around. Those BFeeds & cuddles were so special & whilst I know I may seem daft to some, I actually miss getting up to feed him in the night sometimes.
He was breast fed on demand & fed constantly! (& I loved every minute even when I was knackered.) - problem is I didn't realise that until he'd dropped the night feed at about 6 months!
Do what makes you feel best as it will undoubtably make your baby feel best too. x