hate myself

[rewind]

My dd is 3, lovely charming child. Can be challenging in the way a 3yr old can, defiance, tantrums etc, but its the way I deal with it that makes me feel wretched. I blow my fuse with her way too quickly.I start shouting, ranting and even swearing.I saw for the first time tonight how much it upset her and I feel so guilty that I've intimidated my own child.

It isnt always like this, most times I use the step/123 time out etc, but when if it doesn't work, I just lose it:(. Sometimes I don't even get to the step stage, or try to reason with her, I just snap and start shouting.
I hate that I get like this and wish I was calmer. I'm a single parent and work full time ( she sees her father at weekends) so life is stressful, but no more than everyone elses I'm sure, so I hate myself, I really do. Do you think my DD will remember this? I'm terrified I've already caused damage[sad

hugs

It's not easy, is it? Im far too shouty as well and wish I were calmer.

I don't really have any answers but I sometimes feel the way you do and you are certainly not alone.

What I find helps sometimes if my children are winding me up is to walk out the room, count to ten and then go back to deal with the situation.

Its difficult, its difficult being a loving adult to a whiny or stroppy child. I read your thread title to mean that you hate yourself for shouting, but have you considered that you may be shouting because you hate yourself? All I mean is that when they push at our soft points we snap more. And by that I mean be good to yourself, the kinder you are to yourself, the kinder you will be able to be for DD.