ds doesn,t appear to have any friends out of school

[selphy]

Hi
He is an only child 9 years old 10 this December.
He has always done okay at school on the friends front and I go out of my way to invite mates over from school however he doesn,t get that many invites back.
However I have noticed that whenever he goes to a friends house his friends seem to have a group of friends that they play out with.
Ds doesn,t ever play out with anyone.
A couple of years ago he did start to develop a little circle of friends and did start to play out but two nasty individuals turned everyone against him and nobody calls for ds any more.
Ds seems happy enough complains that he is bored sometimes he spends his time on his wii, ds etc but he has never been the sort to get on his bike and look for neighbourhood kids to play with.
I know that he would love to have some friends and I have told him before now that he needs to just approach any children he sees out and ask to play.
Please is my ds unusual should he not be hanging out down the park out on his bike with some mates by now I am quite concerned for him.

tell him to "go and call for X", that's what mine did.

He doesn,t really know anybody that well
to just turn up at their door

he will do soon if he just turns up

I think it depends on where you live - in our village the houses are lined up along a long, hilly, bendy road, so it's not very communal, although there are sections where the houses are closer together and you do see little groups there sometimes.

The adjacent village, where DS2 goes to school, is pretty much based around a playing field with a play park so the culture there seems very much to be popping over to see your mates.

I'd like my three to be able to 'hang out,' but it's just never happened, and I'd hate for them to feel bad about it.

Could you find something local like scouts or a rugby club for him to go to? Assuming you can fit in the time to fetch and carry, this should be relatively easy with no siblings to drag around with him.

well I suppose your right its a question as to whether he will do it he can be a little shy

I was suspecting he was shy - I never would have knocked for anyone I hardly knew at that age (not saying this is right, just how it is).

Do you know any of the mums locally? Is there anyone you have the odd chat with whose child you could invite round?

I'm not the best one to advise here as I'm afraid I've just accepted it as how it is. DS1 used to go round to neighbours' houses he knew from school, as did DD, but since we moved them from there a few years ago the friends suddenly became 'busy.' ('Twas a Steiner school).

It does sound as if after school activities might be the way to go, though. He may not necessarily suddenly have loads of mates, but will benefit from learning a new skill/sport, participating in social activities, as well as filling up the hours.

I don,t really know any other moms whats wrong I hate to admit that I am shy myself
He does sort of do okay with having mates back from school alot of effort on my part though that he gets that.
He has the occasinal sleepover at one best freinds house although this friend lives too far away for him to hang out with, they used to go to infant school together.
Its the same with many of his freinds they don,t live close.

He has just told me he is bored has been playing on his wii all morning obvisouly had enough now.
I have asked him to go out on his bike and see if there are any kids hanging around he can muck in with but his reply is that there isn,t and he only knows of 5 possible friends and one of them he hates.
He has said that he will not knock at their door but if he sees two particular children out he will go out to them unfortunately no sign of them though

I'm sorry to bang the same drum but, if only to stave off the boredom, you'd do well to find some activities to join in with.

And, actually, regardless of making friends as a result, he can look back on this time as one during which he sat in playing on his wii wishing he was somewhere else, or he can have good memories of participating at whatever level he is capable of in a sport or other endeavour which will build his character, some would argue more so than hanging out on his bike. (Not to denigrate the kids who do).

I can recommend rugby if you're stuck for ideas. You don't have to be particularly sporty (they say all different types of fitness, skill and bodyshape can play), it burns off energy on a Sunday morning, and our club goes on tour every year, which is so exciting for the kids (and some of the parents!)

< Disclaimer: I am not a rugby or sports fan at all, but I've seen what my boys have gained from it over the last 7 years >

In our area you wouldn't dream of letting your kids go out looking for mates. It's just not done.

Cubs is a good activity if he would like to do it. Your local museum may have some Sunday afternoon activities too.

I would suggest cubs too-a great way to meet others, get life skills and have real life adventures.

It's funny how different areas have different cultures, isn't it? In our area, you wouldn't dare keep your nine year old in and not allow him to go out on his bike looking for a mate to play with, you'd be accused of abuse! It just isn't done.