Am I just being soft?

[RudeEnglishLady]

Hello

(This is long - pack your water, sun block and salt tablets)

I think I'm looking to a) have a moan b) find out if I'm being a wet lettuce and c) find out what you more experienced mums did.

DS is 3 months old. He's lovely, bless him, and although he was very whiney for the first 2 months he is now reasonably settled and happy.

Thing is, I'm really tired. Like really. My eyes hurt and they're all blurry, I can't always understand what people are saying to me and I can't add up or plan properly. I hurt all over. I'm supposed to be going to get a coil fitted but I feel like I don't want anymore pain. I don't even want DP lumbering onto me for sex.

DP sleeps in another room on week nights so he isn't tired for work. Also goes away quite a lot with work and I have no family in this country. My friends have toddlers and I wouldn't dream of asking their help. I love DS but it seems I have him literally all the time.

He wakes up to feed 11-12am and then 4-5am and then back up again at 7am. DP changes him in the morning and brings me coffee but what I really need is a few more hours sleep! He may have one nap during the day but I need this time to sort the house - cleaning/admin stuff. The only other day time nap is in the pram so I am by necessity walking during this one!

I wasn't really tired at all until last week. I'm f*kd now though and I'm a bit worried about the next few months. Is he too young for daycare for one morning a week? What did other mums here do? If I get some good ideas I can go to DP and say - lets do this.. or whatever and he'll no doubt support that. Just don't want to go to him (or my mum) with a massive amorphous moan that will make them think I'm unhappy. Cos I'm not. I just feel funny because I'm so tired.

Thanks if you read all that, you deserve a cup of tea!

You have my sympathy. I have never been so tired as in the first 18 months little while. We did a lot of DP getting up with DD first thing in the morning, so I could get an extra hour then (or longer at the weekends - bliss), & one night week I would just go to bed when she did. It sucked to miss out on my child free evening, but it helps recharge the batteries...

Actually. thinking back. I think 3 months is a bit of a hard time. I found it all much easier after about 6 months, when she was sitting up & crawling & a bit more absorbed in thing other than my breasts.

I have to say that I think your DS is doing pretty well if he's only really waking up twice in the night at 3 months old - DS was waking every 2-3 hours at that point (and for many more months beyond).

Are you eating well? Iron levels ok?

I wouldn't have wanted to put DS into daycare at that age. I chose to have a cleaner once a week so that I could sleep during the day if I needed to when DS napped rather than worrying about housework. Maybe think about that?

Also, what time are you going to bed? Maybe aim for 2 or 3 really early nights (8/8.30pm) each week so that you can clock a few hours sleep before he wakes for his first feed? Survival tactics.

Yep, lie in at weekends.

How about asking a responsible teenager to occupy him at your house for an hour or two after school so that you can get admin-y type stuff done. Then you can nap while he does in the day.

I would second checking your iron levels. You can take spatone which doesn't make you constipated.

Ask your DH to help more. He's a new dad so should expect to be tired too. My DH helped out loads at night.

DD had a very similar sleep and feed pattern until last week. She is 15 months old. At 3 months she was still feeding every 2 hours, day and night.

Although babies do mean sleep deprivation, you do need a break. Does he take a bottle at all? I wish someone had told me to keep up with one bottle a day every day, so that DH could have done the 10-11 pm feed. He did try, but we left it too long so she wasn't interested. Could you have most of a weekend off with DP looking after him? You would need to be somewhere else, or at least ear plugs.

I wouldn't have put DD in childcare at that age (still seems too young now!) but if that's what you need to do, and you feel happy doing it, then I don't see why not.

The other thing is, as it seems quite sudden, it might be worth going to your GP to make sure you're ok, no vitamin/iron deficiency, you're not pregnant or depressed.

Good luck :)

what really helped me was to express and freeze milk, and then every Friday night DS had bottles all night from DH, and I slept from 7.30 pm until 7 am. Meant DH also had 2 nights to catch up ready for work on Monday.

He also always took DS (and then DD) from the 6 am feed, until he left for work around 7.45, giving me an extra hour or so in bed, plus time to shower in peace. DH continued this pattern, giving DC breakfast and keeping an eye on them downstairs until he went to work as they got older.

Maybe you could adapt to this pattern?

Thank you for responses so far - will read properly tonight when DS in bed.

I'm on my own again and DS won't sleep or sit or lie or anything!

Motorised swinging chair was a godsend for the not-putting-down stage.

Give him to one of your friends with a toddler! Just for one morning, would be a WONDERFUL break for you and certainly when Ds1 was a toddler I'd have enjoyed having a squishy cute thing to cuddle even if he did cry for 3 hours solid.

or, if you can afford it, try a child minder. I wouldn't go with a nursery, as the nursery staff might be trying to juggle two OTHER tiny babies at the same time.

You said the tiredness has just come on in the last week and you hurt all over. Could you have an infection somewhere, maybe water infection?
It could be that the tiredness has suddenly hit after 3 months but it just jumoed out at me that maybe you're poorly.

Hope things get easier
x

Huge sympathy. Three months was the lowest point for me. It got a lot better at six months (proper naps began). Sling was a lifesaver for me _ I had a Kari-me. Meant I could get stuff done while he was happily snuggled against me.

Assuming there's nothing physically wrong with you I would advise (finances permitting:)

1. Get a cleaner and when DS sleeps if you really are feel this tired then sod everything else and get yourself to bed even if just for an hour.

1. Join a gym with a good creche. An hour or so a couple of times a week really won't hurt your DS but will probably do you the world of good.

1. Eat well & drink lots of water.

1. Have a lie-in once a week. Assuming your DH is at home at the weekend then make sure you get a few hours in bed on one of those days (this was my absolute saviour in those early months)

And it doesn't last I promise. MY DS1 was sleeping through by 4 months and DS2 was 6.5 months - obviously they're all different but it certainly is possibly in the not too distant future.
LCN

lechtatnoir has some fab ideas.

Agree with everyone else. It will pass. When mine was little from about 12 months a friend and I did a swap. One afternoon I had her boy for 3 hours and on another afternoon she had mine. The boys made a friend (the arrangement lasted until nursery) and we each got an afternoon off to have some me space.

At 3 months your baby is sleeping very well but it is you alone who is feeding him each time he wakes. Are you breastfeeding? If not, can't your DH do at least one feed - my DH worked (still works) long long hours as a City lawyer (50+ hour weeks more often than not) but STILL did one or more feeds a night for our formula-fed baby. He was an absolute star as he recognised it's hard looking after a baby all day (harder than his job, he used to say). DH also did all the cleaning on the weekends. I couldn't have done it all myself.

I second the motorised swinging chair - we had a Graco one and used to put it on the highest setting - my DD napped so well in it and I was able to rest and recover from my C-section. My DH also used to look after DD himself for long stretches of the weeekend.

Also, REL, you are allowed to be unhappy about feeling so tired. It doesn't mean you're ungrateful or love your baby any less.

I was psychotic with tiredness by your stage, and also did everything in the week.

Due my second in three weeks, and DH is on board to do as much as possible to help during the night, job or no job.

Moan to your Mum.

Ask your friends to help.

This too shall pass, and one day you can help some other poor soul in the same situation.

Hello

Thanks so much for all your time, ideas and for making me feel listened to!

I am so going to the Doctors this week for blood tests. I think its iron deficiency or something similar. I'm also going to have a pregnancy test.

I drink about 3.5 litres of water per day (3 bottles) and eat properly - cooking from scratch (no M&S here :-( ). Although with DP being away I have reverted to vegetables a lot and I think I need meat even though I don't really like it! I'm pretty sure I need to eat more, whatever it is (BFing). I walk about 2km per day, can't do a gym as there's not one within walking distance (no car).

DP came back late last night and I had a bit of a talk with him. He was a bit shocked and 'where's all this come from?' But this morning he said he understood and that I had to go to the doctors because I have gone downhill so quickly. We also agreed to put off the coil business until I felt better. I'm going to make a list of stuff DP can help with e.g. lie in on Saturdays, dinner on Tuesdays. I'm pretty sure that this isn't depression or similar. Feel too interested and motivated for that to be the case.

Its very heartening to know that others have felt this way also and that it will pass as DS gets a bit older.

Enormous thanks x x

It does sound like iron deficiency - particularly the tiredness combined with inability to concentrate, and the fact that it's come on so fast. Definitely get checked out - you sound incredibly run down, which will make you feel more emotional about stuff as well.

If your DS is only waking twice in the night then he's doing as well as can be expected for his age, and you need to be aware (sorry to say this!) that you've got a big growth-and-development spurt looming on the horizon at 16 weeks, when he will want to feed non-stop and is likely to be waking up more often at night too. 3 months is something of a lull, as I remember! You need to be feeling as well as you can before getting to that stage.

Also, 3.5 litres of water a day is TOO MUCH WATER! You definitely shouldn't be drinking more than a couple of litres, as you will literally be washing minerals and salts out of yourself. Eat more, and drink more other stuff (milkshakes are perfect). Good luck!

Octavia - that's interesting about the water. I'm just so thirsty my tongue hurts if I don't drink! I know how much I drink because the water is in 1.5 litre bottles and I take the 3rd one of the day to bed and drink it through the night. Okay I'll tell the Dr about that as well.

DS is not a difficult baby by any stretch, I know, and that's why I'm a bit pissed off that I'm feeling so tired.

This thread has also helped to me to reflect that I have made a rod for my own back though, because when I was pregnant I was convinced that I wasn't going to feel depressed or tired post-birth. I refused to stay in hospital post-birth (they like to keep you 4 or 5 days here so you can have a rest)because it was boring (!). I don't like anyone else (read DP mostly) cooking, doing the laundry or ironing in case they 'do it wrong'. So I am responsible for a lot of this!

Thirst and tiredness are symptoms of diabetes, can you take a urine sample to the docs with you (although they would have a bottle to give you anyway I suppose).

Your diet/exercise is amazing, wish I was as healthy as you, no wonder you're tired, you haven't got any biscuits and chocolate to give you energy!!!

Let us know how you get on at the doctors
x

Also ask them to check your thyroid with that blood test.

Around 3 months is about the time some woman can end up with an under active thyroid after birth. It just means a tablet of thyroxine every morning and usually sorts itself out with the year (safe if BF).

The symptoms of unusual tierdness and aching all over is exactly how I was. I couldn't get up in the morning, it was hell. I was so spaced out and couldn't string a sentence together. I had unspecific aches and pains and was unusually anxious.

Ive had 2 babies so I knew the difference between normal 'new baby im standing only by the aid of caffine and matchsticks in the eyes'

and

'new baby, im going to actually die how will I walk to the kitchen for that caffine'

the latter is is not normal! .