Interfering Mother

[Cleothecat]

Just getting over last weekend and second trip to my parents as a mum myself with DS. Problem is my mother who just can't seem to cope with me being a Mum myself now... the specifics are dull and sound petty but having corrected anything I've said to my husband for the last ten years (eg reproaches me for getting him to help me wash up at their house if we visit - "he works so hard" - we both work of course, but his job is more important, because umm ...he's a bloke I guess.) And now it's the same with my 12 week old DS. "Let's go and change your nappy" I say to him, DS not DH, as I'm about to pick him up. Really are you sure he needs it she says, "I think I'll take him for a rest/feed him" never the right thing in her eyes. Afraid I did try asking her to back off, relativley nicely, and only in front of my dad rather than whole family, but it didn't work and is driving me round the bend. Makes me not want to visit at all, which I know isn't on. Total tongue biting isn't an option, because I've tried for over 30 years and have never succeeded yet!

Any one else had this and happy to recount bad experiences in order to make me feel better! Or are there any others with any advice for dealing with an overbearing and slightly mad mother.

my mum is the opposite with nappy changing. she is forever telling us she detects a whiff and is sure ds needs changing, so on visits we spend a good chunk of time changing clean nappies!
and my mil just diasappears with him and the changing kit and does it herself- ALL THE TIME!

They think that they have been a mummy longer than you and you are obviously still a child so what do you know???

My tactic is just to do what i know my baby needs and try ignore them. unless they want to do something that is unnecesary but harmless and then i let them do it!

Say "Do you know, the last time I checked, the midwives were coming to see me! Isn't that silly? That would mean that I'm his mummy!"

Brilliant thank you both for responding. Colditz love the midwifery line, may add in the word stitches to drive home the drama!
Must admit I did try the ultra agressive - she is absolutely the most domineering type you can imagine - no I think he'll do what his Mum wants and not his granny... (she resisted a bit then) ... because I'm his mum, he's mine, not yours. She just can't help herself I spose and neither can I ( Oh god will i be just like her?) In some ways it makes me feel better about the hell of my teenage years, and that i didn't imagine it after all, she was dreadful! She of course, thinks it's all me, which I'm szure it is a bit, but i spent the whole car journey back from her house wondering how on earth I make sure my DS doesn't feel as bad about me as I do her. How very sad... To cap it all, when she did spend time with him, after just five minutes she remakred on "what tremendous time wasters they are" and went back to reparing the important thing that is Sunday breakfast for four people, something any of us would happily have done to allow her that time. Agghhhhh! Nearly picked DS up and came home there and then. Did say, quite gently that he's not a "time waster", it's called getting to know your grandson.