Interfering Mother

[Cleothecat]

Just getting over last weekend and second trip to my parents. Problemis my mother whojust can't cope with me being a Mum now... the specifics are dull and sound petty but having corrected anything I've said to my husband for the last ten years (eg reproaches me for getting him to help me wash up at their house if we visit - "he works so hard" - we both work of course, but his job is more important, because umm ...he's a lboke I guess. And now it's the same with my 12 week old son. "let's go and change your nappy" I say to him about tp ick him up. Really are you sure he needs it she says, "I think I'll take him for a rest/feed him" never the right thing in her eyes. Afraid I did try asking her toback off, relativley nicely and only in front of my dad rather than whole family, but it didn't work and is driving me round the bend.

Any one else had this and happy to recount bad experiences in order to make me feel better! Or are there any others with any advice for dealing with an overbearing and slightly mad mother.

My mum wasn't at all supportive when I had horrendous PND. She told my dh that I'd always been "moody". Had twins who cried a lot (just copying me at the time!) and she told me that if they were going to make all that noise, then I'd have to go upstairs to feed them because it was disturbing her ...

I cannot imagine being so cold and dismissive towards my now-grown-up children.

Recite like a mantra

"what she says is about her - not me"

And look forward to a time when your ds will tell Grandma exactly what he wants by himself!

My mother told me to give the baby a bottle as I clearly would not be able to breastfeed, this was about an hour after I had had dd1, and was trying to bf for the first time whilst balancing on one side of my bottom to avoid the stitches!
She told me my child would starve to death but never eat my food, because the jars are waaay better than the stuff I could come up with, you'll be relieved to hear dd1 has happily seen her 2nd birthday and is well on to seeing her third.
She said to forget about using reuseable nappies I would never be able to cope, she could but then I'm nowhere near as organised and fantastic as her, have been using washable nappies on both dd's now and I've managed thank you.

My mother regards me as a slight mad person, she hates everything I do because it is not what my sister does and she is my mothers favourtie (fair enough). However she does always come knocking at my door when she needs anything ,which is begining to annoy me a little now I think about it.
Basically mother treats me the way she does, because she knows I will not criticise or belittle her for it, I tend to change the subject instead, and avoid her a lot.

Don't know how I've done it but have turned this into two messages,useless, my mother wouldn't be surprised at that of course!

The following is a reoeat of my response on the other thread, but what a relief to know I'm not the only one. Does that mean I'm not the only one working fantastically hard to make sure that even though I love her of course, I really don't turn out just like her?

Must admit I did try the ultra agressive - she is absolutely the most domineering type you can imagine - no I think he'll do what his Mum wants and not his granny... (she resisted a bit then) ... because I'm his mum, he's mine, not yours. She just can't help herself I spose and neither can I ( Oh god will i be just like her?) In some ways it makes me feel better about the hell of my teenage years, and that i didn't imagine it after all, she was dreadful! She of course, thinks it's all me, which I'm szure it is a bit, but i spent the whole car journey back from her house wondering how on earth I make sure my DS doesn't feel as bad about me as I do her. How very sad... To cap it all, when she did spend time with him, after just five minutes she remakred on "what tremendous time wasters they are" and went back to reparing the important thing that is Sunday breakfast for four people, something any of us would happily have done to allow her that time. Agghhhhh! Nearly picked DS up and came home there and then. Did say, quite gently that he's not a "time waster", it's called getting to know your grandson

An overbearing and slightly bad mother? I think we all have one of those, don't we?? I think it's quite natural for mothers to think they "know best." They're well meaning (if you're lucky,) but sometimes have so many hang-ups from the past that they can also be very jealous. Like my mother. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and 3 well behaved children, and she just cannot help but criticise me. She tries so hard to actually find something to criticise!! And I don't value her opinion, as she was divorced twice and has always been quite miserable. She likes to play the victim!