parenthood is being scared s**tless

[berolina]

There's always something to worry about, always something lurking which is too horrible to contemplate, always so many mistakes you can make. Spent a lot of the pregnancy terrified. Worry worry worry about everything. ds had his first jab today, against 6 things, and I have to go onto Google and read reports about five deaths within 24h of the jab all showing brain swelling . ds is or was running a slight fever. No sleep for me tonight, for worry. Am going to England with dh, ds and some students next month, we will be visiting schools and universities, and am worried about ds picking up meningitis there. So many things you do could have such terrible consequences. I shouldn't let it get through to me, but I keep imagining my beautiful, beautiful boy suddenly no longer being there . How do you deal with this? Is there any dealing with it? I feel awful for letting him have this jab now. Prob would have felt awful if I hadn't given him it. Sorry, this is a real downer for Fri night. But I've let my imagination run away with me to places I'd rather not have been

Berolina - is anything else getting to you at the moment?
I used to have morbid worries about things happening to ds but only really when I was stressed generally.

I tihnk it's natural to worry about them but you have to find a way to 'switch off' those thoughts sometimes.

Have you given him Calpol for the fever? It's totally normal for them to run a temperature after receiving a jab. He'll be fine.
I thought long and hard about the whole vaccination debate and concluded that yes there are risks with jabs but there are also risks with the illnesses they could contract without the jabs. I know it's not that simple but don't give yourself a hard time. I'm really sure he will be ok.

PS - isn't meningitis spread by students snogging loads at University - not generally just walking around the campus ?

am back at work currently from home, but will be teaching again mid oct. even then i can work from home half the time - plus dh is at home - it's the perfect job - but it's also a bit of a vocation, my contract runs out in march, I'm the only earner, dh is also trying to do research, things are ok atm but i can see myself tying myself in knots to do justice to ds and work. That's a guilt more than a worry theme though. no, i think I#vwe just let myself look into the abyss (i mean, as parents we've all got one) and can't pull my head out of it.

no calpol available over here plus he feels less hot, think fever is subsiding.

I know what you mean. It's easy to let yourself get carried away with scary thoughts isn't it?

Seriously though, I just make myself stop - e.g. by making 'to do' lists in my head or planning nice things to do with ds.

IME it gets easier - e.g. I worried a lot more about ds when he was a baby than I do now with dd.

Have to go now, but hope you get past this stage & stop scaring yourself soon !

Glad your ds feels cooler - try & rest so you have the energy to do things with him tomorrow & plan some fun things for you both.

thanks
have managed to put ds into moses basket but have it next to me and am putting my hand on his chest every 5 minutes...

Hi Berolina - how are you doing today?

Hi Berolina,

I can absolutely sympathise with you. I remember getting palpitations about being separated from DD during the first few months, even when she was with close family. I used to feel terrible guilt about driving anywhere with her - she seemed so scrunched up and hot (Summer baby), and also about taking her out for dinner, which we did a lot.
I think Magscat is right; DD is now 14 months and I really don't feel as anxious as I did back then, though there are certainly new things to worry about. I don't have any particular advice to give, but I think it helps to rationalise as much as possible. I know that I haven't been damaged by sleeping under coats while my parents were at parties, and without getting into the vaccination debate (because I don't know enough about it), I know that my grandmother was a very worried woman when her two elder children came down with whooping cough just after my mother was born. Like you say, fear goes with the territory, but the triggers change.

thanks magscat + beetle - things are better
had a look at the vax info with dh, who's a psychologist and understands medicine and statistics . he thinks the cases sound like allergic reactions which he doesn't suspect ds of. ds fever went down quite rapidly and he's more or less back to normal today . so am a happier bunny.
I do this to myself at fairly regular intervals - am a worrier by nature (or nurture ). suppose you're right and one learns to live with it.
beetle - can so empathise with the heat and car seat thing!