My ex wants our DDto live wih him!!!!

[soppysocks]

Hi really need your help. i dont know what to do. My 8 yea old DD had a seizure last week, and was checked for various things ie epilepsy at the hospital. whilst we were at the hospital my ex husband asked if i thought she may have a problem with her eating. There is no chance she is anorexic (sorry cant spell) as she is always eating, even when she goes to bed, glass of milk and biscuit whilst i read to her. i told his to him, and he asked if i minded if she could stay with him for a couple of weeks. i broke down, knowing that he thinks i cant look after her and i caused the seizure. I agreed to her staying, as she wanted to. but today she came to visit me and told me that hr dad wanted to know if she could live with him and his GF. im still in shock. I have residence of my children and he only lives 5 mins away. what should i do? my head is such a mess.

He cant take her its as simple as that, how often does she visit him perhaps it should be increased. Please dont listen to a word he says you cant give a child epilepsy, you sound like a lovely mum with milk biscuit and book every night . Thats a lot more than i do!!!

i dont do that either - book and milk.

why would he automatically think she had a problem with her eating - isnt this in istelf a little strange - why pick that reason over any other.

you will obviously have access to a copy of medical notes.

am sure this hot weather isnt helping either - on top of the long school holidays - so yes let her stay with him for a couple of weeks - gets you a break - and we all need that from time to time. but dont pass messages through your daughter and tell your ex the same - it is plainly unfair to put her in that position. - i know if i had the same situation my youngest son would go with his dad becuase he would have the computer stuff and playstation things and that would be his only reason - not love and affection, that woulnt occur to him in the least, this is beucase he is a child and not a grown up and shouldnt be stuck inbetween grown ups conversation.

he made a big mistake doing this and you should tell him so, if he was a good parent - he would think of your daughters weelfare first and not put her in this position.

i think you and your ex need to set aside a neutral place and time to meet without your daughter, or even with a mediator present. this way you can prepare things - write stuff down, like " i am a good parent and i will not let my daughter go becuase....."

if he is unwilling to be reasonable - seek professional advice

Agree, children should NOT be in the middle in this way and your ex is being extremely unreasonable IMO in discussing it with her and not you. It's extremely unlikely he'd get residence if she's been with you all this time - forget about what she wants, I agree, she's a child and it's not her decision to make. As Custardo says, children are capable of making these decisions based on things like Playstations and sweets rather than what is in their own best interests. Why does your ex want residence now all of a sudden? If it's not what you want (and I assume it isn't) then wait until she's back and tell him you disagree and won't allow it. I'd also tell him that you don't think she should be put in the middle in this way. If he wants to he can apply to a court but it's extremely unlikely he'd win based on the fact that she lives with you and you're a good mother.

It's not your fault she had a seizure and in your position I would have been outraged at the very suggestion, rather than co-operative about him having her for a couple of weeks. But hey, she's there now so give yourself a break and relax while she's away. And try not to worry, although I know it's easier said than done.

thanks for all your advice. I phoned my x and told him straight that she will not be living with him , until th day that she is old enough and grown up enough to make that choice herself. i also put him straight about her having a seizure, the hospital stated tha she banged her arm which may have triggered off signals to her brain. The other thing i was worried about is that both my x and his GF smoke cannabis. Im not saying that makes you an unfit parent, but there is a time and a place to do these things - not infront of your kids. - i wont even smoke infront of mine!! I was just so worried about it all as we split due to his violent temper and moods. And like any good mothe (as you all will know) you try and do what makes your child happy. But this time i had to put my foot down. I calles my DD on her mobile and spoke to her saying i missed her etc and her younger brother also spoke to her. She turned round and told me that she didnt want things to change and she still wanted to live with me. i just started crying!!! (hence my nickname!!) She offered that info so i knew it is what will make her happy. I was just scared that if i was to tell her she was not to live with her dad then she would rebel against me - not letting her do what she wants. But now she has made that choice. Thanks once again for all your advice xxxxxxxxxxxx