can someone....anyone....help me with a jaw dropping, in your face, first paragraph for my personal statement???

[tiredemma]

my head hurts.... im trying to tie my personal statement together, i have all the bits i need but cannot think of a first paragraph which will make my statement stand out from the other 600 odd statements, i could cry, honestly- ive been doing this for weeks now.

are there any articulate mnetters out there who can help me???

Tell us more about the course te...and three astounding things about yourself?

sorry, i should of put that...

its for a degree in nursing- I know why i want to be a nurse- but i want it to stand out from all of the others, i have no problem talking about experience, my college course etc-- i just cannot get my head around the first sentence and its driving me mad.

well why do you want to be a nurse??? it's a starting point to think on.....

because i care, because i want to make difference in someones life, because i want to work in a career where no two days are ever the same.... but its sounds so "twee"

Use emotive words like passion thirst hungry ie passion for nursing, hungry for a challenge, thirst for knowledge

i think the most talked about subjects in nursing these days are

ongoing study and research - you will have to study for the rest of your days as a nurse
the expanded role of the nurse (ie into jr drs in a way) (imo a good thing)
changes in the nhs as a whole

dont know if you want to mention these things?

although maybe not quite right for a personal statement

even just mentioning your interest in the subjects, because they are bound to come for interview

come up i mean

im ok with the rest of the statement np- but i just cant bloody start it, i have all my paragraphs for what a nurses role involves, any relevent experience i have, education etc.....but no first paragraph, well i have a first sentence but i cant put into context, WHY i want to be anurse - how ridiculous is that???

my first sentence is --_ "Im finally at the point in my life where i can embark on a career that i have wanted for a long time...." then i just go blank - ive been sat here now since 1pm!!!!

oh no- ive bored everyone hav'nt i????

I have always been someone who enjoys being challenged, but more importantly someone who genuinely wants to help others. To me a career in nursing will allow me to fulfill both attributes of my character???

Something along those lines?

Like 1st sentence tirede..
How about following it with something like

I have a long-held desire to improve the lives of others. I have a caring, sensitive nature and he demands of motherhood have helped me develop further the organisational and practical skills necessary for nursing.

Finish with

I believe that I am a strong candidate for this course and can offer the commitment and skills needed to do justice to this place.

Does this sound ok?
Feel free to slag it if you don't like it!!

do you know what titchy and sassy? if i had go-go gadget arms, i would reach down the broadband line and give you the biggest hugs....off to get this thing rolling. xxxx

Our pleasure! Good luck

ive done it! its bloody good aswell.

thanks for all your help x

by the way sallystrawberry- keep me informed of how the course is going please!!!

thats great emma - hope you get on ok, let us know xxx

will do!!