anyone else become a SAHM after their 2nd DC ,but not their first?

[Gateau]

I have 2 DSes - aged 3 yrs and 11 months and recently resigned from my job as a journalist; I never returned after mat leave.
I made my decision for a number of reasons, eg I hated the company, there is not enough work there anyway, we are planning to move 200 miles away- but mostly because I did not want to put DS2 in nursery. The synopsis is that I am happy to be Mum to both my boys and not much else for the moment.
The thing is, I feel guilty because I felt so differently with DS1. I went back to work part-time when he was 10.5 months and just couldn't wait. But now I am in such a different place and can't imagine jumping on ttrain and leaving both of them behind. (work is only about 15 miles away, but I would hate it neverless).

I found working PT, being Mum and looking after the home quite stressful. On the days I worked we had crap dinners and when I was not working I spent ages cleaning, so DS1 missed out on my time again! Everything just seems so much more organised now - I cook good meals, am 'there' for my children (and I'm not saying other working mothers aren't, it's just that I felt I wasn't as much as I wanted to be when I was working) and I am happy.
Soooooo, after that ramble, what I am asking is, has anyone else decided to be a SAHM after their 2nd child and not their first and also feels guilty about it?

Don't go there with the guilt! I went back to work quite quickly with DD1 but was a SAHM after DD2. It was easier juggling with the first, but realised it wouldn't work with two, so resigned when trying to conceive with no. 2.

I think as well you can put it down to different life stages and what works at the time.

Sounds like you've made a good choice - just because it was different from what you did with DS1 doesn't make one better than the other. Hope that makes sense.

I am a sahm now but like you i went back to work after my first dd - i had a lot going on then and wasn't coping very well so for me work was my escape - my husband spent 9 months working away only coming home the odd weekend and my daughter was in a spica hip cast for 6 months - so i could not feel any more guilty about going back to work when i did and feel like i abandoned her because i couldn't cope! This time is different and i feel that she benefits from me being a sahm more than my ds does as he is just a baby so doesn't know any different. I do think that in the next year or so i will return to work on a part time basis but will try and work when my husband is not so we do not have to use childcare.

We do our best for our kids and whats right for the first isn't always right the 2nd time round - don't feel guilty just enjoy spending time with both kids - i bet they both love having their mum at home x

I became a SAHM after DC4 - I'd worked FT up to DC3, then PT. DC4 was a hard pregnancy, I was older, more tired and I just suddenly thought enough's enough, I'm having a few years at home.

Yes, I do feel guilty that DC4 has always had me around and the others didn't. But financially, I didn't really have a choice - and I can't change things. I did the best I could at the time, as did you.

I went (very reluctantly) back to work after DC1 and am really hoping that we can work something out so I don't have to go back after DC2. I would love to be a SAHM!

I went back to work part-time when my dc1 was five months old, and didn't go back after dc2 was born. I never felt any guilt about dc1, she had more of my time when she was a baby and before dc2 came along. She was also minded by grandparents when I worked so she scored big on the treats, comics, day trips etc . I returned to work at the beginning of the year when my two were four and two, I didn't want to but needs must!!

I am expecting my third and will I think go back for a few months and hopefully can stay at home from when they are about 18 months for a year or two before they head off to school!!

I think you´ll find there are a lot of us, actually.. as someone else said above, what can just about be managed with 1, might just tip things over with two.

My Dh used to get my DD ready and out three mornings before I had DS. There is just no earthly way he could have done that with a toddler and a baby.. not without getting up at cockcrow! Not to mention days when somebody was sick, holidays etc

In the end it just wasn't worth it for the little money I could made.. I'm so much happier now, although I will definitely look for some part time work when the youngest starts school!

i'm thinking of becoming a sahm too... I was very stressed trying to juggle work and motherhood with only one child, so I expect it will be a nightmare with two... I am seriously thinking about not going back to work after my mat leave.

Yep me - though the SAHM bit is hopefully to be finalised soon with a redundancy.

We moved just after DD born. We realised that with a longer commute, and 2 children that both of us working full time wasn't going to work.

I do miss work a bit so hoping to do a bit of freelance. Haven't worked out what hour of the day I can fit that into.

It does make life a lot less stressful though - particularly when they're ill etc. I have also enjoyed spending more time with both DS and DD.

I don't feel guilty about DS missing out when he was little - he had a lot more of my time just to him as a baby/toddler. When I wasn't working, my time was fully focussed on him.

Another one here too. I went back PT when DD1 was 7 months old. There are 3 years between my girls so when DD2 was born DD1 was about to start nursery school five mornings a week. The logistics of sorting that out was more than my frazzled brain could take.

I also agree that often between DCs you end up in a 'different place'

One of the reasons I carried on working after DD1 was born was that we really wanted to move to a nicer area but we'd bought our first house during the late 80s property boom and had hardly any equity. My wages paid for a decent deposit on the house we live in now so I was lucky that when DD2 was born I didn't have to work and had the choice to stay at home.

No guilt here at any time though. I did what was right for us at the time and TBH DD1 is now 16yo and doesn't even remember me going to work when she was small.

I think that is the way of things for a lot of us - certainly a lot of my friends have also worked after DC1 but not after their second. I went back to work basically full time when DD1 was 6 months old. At the time I was really keen to go back and it all seemed to work brilliantly. After DD2 I found myself extending my maternity leave to 1 yr and then resigning as I simply couldn't see how on earth I could manage it and didn't want to anyway. My employer asked me to do consultancy work, which I did supposedly 2 days a week from home (although it was a bit sporadic as I was easily distracted!) but I resigned again when I was pg with DS and have been SAHM since.

Like you I do feel guilty about it sometimes It wasn't until I was at home with DD2 that I realised how much I had missed by not being there full time with DD1. But rationally I know that it wasn't right for me to stay at home after DD1. We needed the money, I was lonely and bored at home (by the time I had DD2 I had a large network of other mother friends so things were different), I think I would have been v resentful of DD1 if I had stayed at home at that time.

ME! I went back to work when DS was 1 year. We had a horrible first year - him with colic and then me with PND. I needed to go back to work for my sanity, if nothing else. He loved nursery and so I never felt that guilty for sending him. We both had one day off a week so had our "Mummy and DS day" which helped us build our relationship. I had DD last year and was on maternity leave when DS started school. I couldn't find chilcare to enable me to return to work. Nursery was fine, but trying to find before/after school and holiday care for DS was a nightmare. Friends who still work either have very family friendly employers and so do shorter hours to fit around school or have nannies. My work completely funked out at the idea of changing my hours to, gasp, 8.30-4.30 and finding a nanny part way through a school year was impossible. So I resigned. DS loves that I collect him from school and so that bit is good. But I am now sending DD to nursery twice a week. It is helping her sociability and confidence and allowing me to have some me time.

You do what is right for you and your family at any given time. No one can judge - apart from you. So, do what is best for you all.