Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

6.5 year old suddenly wanting to sleep with Mummy

14 replies

Portofino · 05/10/2010 13:44

DD is 6.5 and has slept in her own room from a few months old. She has never been a one for climbing in bed with mum and dad, apart from on the very odd occasion - bad dream/illness etc.

All of a sudden (coinciding pretty much with the start of school) she has started waking in the night, calling out for me and asking to come in bed with us. It is not every night but it is starting to become a habit. I don't mind so much as I like the cuddles, though dh is less enthusiastic.

It started with "sore throats" and "tummy aches" that mysteriously vanished in the morning, but now she just asks to come in bed, or cries. She seems unable to give me any explanation of what the problem is though.

She has been at the same school with the same friends for 4 years already (Belgian kindergarten). This year she started Primary and has a new teacher, and "proper work" has started, but she is happy to go to school and seems to be coping well with the work and the homework, going on the marks she receives. We praise her a lot for this.

She tells me that everything is fine at school, that she is not worried about anything, that she isn't having bad dreams. Every night I tell her that she can talk to me about anything at all and I won't think it is silly. But zilch. Then at 3am it is "please Mummy, one last time in your bed...."

I have no idea if this is age thing, a stage thing, or if it is linked to anxiety or other problems. I feel kind of powerless that I can't make her feel "better" IFYSWIM.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Francagoestohollywood · 05/10/2010 14:04

Well Portofino, it looks like we are in the same boat.
Dd (who was 6 in May) has been visiting our bed for a while now.

Like yours, dd has just started her first year of primary school (we are in Italy), and despite being used to spend time outside the home (she went to nursery in the Uk and has had 2 and a half yrs of nursery school here in I) she is finding it difficult to adjust to primary school.

Unlike your dd, she is adamant that she is anxious about school, and that she misses me there (she's never said anything like that when she went to nursery school, where she was incredibly happy)

I'm giving her some more time, wait until she is settled and then I'll try to see if I can have our bed back.
Dd has always been happy to sleep in her bed and has never had sleep problems.

Francagoestohollywood · 05/10/2010 14:05

I think my dd is a bit overwhelmed by the new routines and the extra work. She was used to a cuddlier situation at nursery school (which was fantastic)

Portofino · 05/10/2010 14:09

Well that was my first thought - but she's seems positively enthusiatic about it all. There has been lots of talk about her being a big girl now....she recently learnt to ride her bike and is allowed to go and call for her friends along the road (quiet cul de sac)....

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Francagoestohollywood · 05/10/2010 14:13

Ah I see. It might be a growing up thing then. You know, they are all brave and more independent during the day and then need extra cuddles/parents time at night, when things appear a bit scarier...

I suppose it's quite normal for their age, though.

Portofino · 05/10/2010 14:16

You may be right! I guess maybe they feel anxious but can't explain why exactly. I hope your dd soon settles at school.....

OP posts:
Francagoestohollywood · 05/10/2010 14:23

Thanks Smile

I'm fairly sure it is quite normal to visit parents bedrooms at this age. I used to do the same Grin!

Portofino · 05/10/2010 14:40

I can't remember being 6! It was FAR too long ago Grin

OP posts:
ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 05/10/2010 14:43

DS1 started with this last year when he was 5, DH was adamant that he was not coming in our bed, so I go and get in his, I rub his back until he has gone off to sleep then stay for a little while longer to make sure he is ok, then get back into bed.
I just think they are so little and the whole being indepentant thing will come soon enough, if he /she needs some extra cuddles for now then who better to ask than your Mum or Dad?

Portofino · 05/10/2010 19:07

I have no problem with the cuddles! Grin

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/10/2010 19:16

Porto I remember visiting my parents room a lot at this age.

I had a new baby brother, but it was somewhat similar in that how I was a big girl and could help Mummy and Daddy to look after the baby etc etc was being emphasised.
I remember being so proud of being 'grown up', but I guess I must have been looking for some reassurance and security too because I kept going in wanting cuddles etc at night.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/10/2010 19:17

DS is only just 2, so not the same at all, but he comes into bed with me when he wakes up in the morning.
As he burrowed down under the duvet next to me this morning, he announced 'I love sleeping with you Mummy'. :)

FiveOrangePips · 05/10/2010 19:30

My DS is a similar age 6.5, he as fear of dying at the moment (he has had this for a while and can get quite upset, it is very hard to see him crying about it). DS says he has nightmares sometimes, so he must sleep in my bed.

I think it is a phase and quite normal. I don't have a solution really, just try and be reassuring, lots of cuddles, listen to his worries etc. and I try to make him feel as safe as I can.

Portofino · 05/10/2010 20:18

FiveOrange, worrying about dying! Oh bless him - that must be hard to deal with. Iremember being much older before I started thinking about that - despite my mum dying when I was young.

OP posts:
Haliborange · 05/10/2010 20:27

My DD is 4 and has started doing the same when she started school. She also seems to love school, but I think she just has so much to process each day that it makes it hard to sleep. It seems a tad better when I I can get her to actually talk about her day, but mostly she is not exactly communicative.
I figure it'll pass. Sooner or later she'll be too big to come into our bed ...(I hope).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page