2 DC's .... bedtime stress!!!

[mummynoseynora]

ok so I have 2 DC's , DD is 3.9 and DS is 9 months.

9 nights out of 10 its me doing bedtime on my own as DH is often at work / doing sport - which is fine with me :)

however... I am finding it harder and harder to cope at bedtime - the rest of the day I am fine, but I guess I am tired come the end of the day, stressed, and I know 4 nights a week I have to work from home once they are in bed. DD being a clever little madam picks up on all this and plays it to her advantage... she knows how to push my buttons and drives me up the wall IF she wants to

IF she's being good it will be all sweetness and light putting her to bed, nice story etc, love you mummy night night etc etc, then as soon as I am out of the room she starts f**ing pissing about. Either running out of the room, throwing stuff in the lounge, playing, singing, bloody anything to stay awake! This doesn't matter how tired she is - it just seems to be to wind me up!

I am ashamed to admit I have resorted to smacking (something I don't believe in) simply because I am at a loss of what to do! I normally ignore the first few mins thinking she must be winding down, then go in and give a warning, when I next go in I take her teddy away, then after that is starting to regularly come a smack... I don't even know why I am doing it because it does Jack all! She tends to carry on just to make a point for a bit then goes off to sleep!

Someone please help give me some coping strategies, we took her stair gate off as she discovered she could climb over it, or open it within a week - argh! I guess we were just lucky that she had never tried before!

She shares with her brother which isn't too much of a problem but we are in a maisonette so its EASY for her to know she has got my attention

and now I am sat here blubbing and sniffling because my fecking 3 year old rules the roost and draws such stress out of me at this time!

I am so sorry. I have two DC and bedtime is quite tiring on my own! Have you tried letting her stay up a bit later, so put her to bed after her brother is asleep.

Or, playing a very active game/running in the garden just before bathtime to really wear her out.

Are you worried about her waking her brother? If not, I'd be tempted to lock her bedroom door if she keeps wandering out. Or try the approach of sitting in the room very still and putting her back in bed every time she gets up with no eye contact or talking.

Good luck.

we regularly go to the park of an afternoon or evening in that hope Suzi Have no worries about her waking DS up, he'd sleep through a hurricane!

The thing is she NEEDS her sleep... she's like me and a nightmare if she's not had enough! So I do worry to an extent about that side, knowing if she's got to get up in the morning for preschool or whatever

Unfortunately I don't think that thing with staying in the room would work - she's too bloody switched on, she doesn't get bored of mind games if she did stay in her bed it would be banging on the wall or singing loudly just to annoy me ... sigh.... I am going to go insane aren't I!?

I would hold the bedroom door until DS2 gave up. Didn't used to bother DS1 who he shared a room with.

I'm not sure it was the right thing to do. Some nights he'd drop by the door and wedge it shut with his sleeping body Always felt terrible about it, but I was at a loss.

You could just put her back to bed, no talking except for 'its time to sleep', lights off, shut the door. Repeat however many times is necessary (that might be a looooong night!) Do the same the next night, keeping calm and using a quite but firm voice.

If you can get your LO to sleep first, she can share some special time with you reading or whatever.

Lastly, have something to eat when they do. Often we wait for our OHs to get home, but we have to get through bedtime with low blood sugar on top of being knackered. Perhaps for a while have your meal with them.

HTH

You are NOT alone!!! My DS is 5, until he went into a bed we would do story then down in cot and ~I'd walk out the room he would create but as he was in his cot he would drop off and was safe.

Nigtmare started when went to a bed, was genuinely scared to be alone, did the nigtlight, door open etc... but still used to cry. So decided to lie next to him till he almost dropped off - rules were if he went off to sleep no messing I would stay, if he didnt I would go downstairs. It usually was 10/15 mins which gave me time to chill, relax and just think about perhaps tea's for the week.

Thing is he is now 5 and we still do it, I thought it was habit but in the Summer we decided to change this and told him we would do stories then go down but he is pertified of being along...sometimes he takes ages to drop off but that's just the way it is, rod for my own back I know but Im sure he will grow out of it.

What Im trying to say is either nip it in the bud now - try reward charts, taking bad to bed everytime(exhasting though)or do what I do.

I would maybe try and put the lo down, then tell dd it was your special time together before bed. Let her sit with you and have a lovely cuddle, let her pick a few stories and keep gently reiterating that 3 stories and bedtime, 2 stories then bedtime etc.

Try and make her feel like such a big clever girl for being able to stay up later than her brother, and big clever girls can have stories with mummy before they go to bed. If she starts to play up the next night try again but let her pick 1 less book, and tell her she can't have the same as last night because she played up at bedtime, but if she's a really good girl tonight she can have an extra tomorrow night.

If you try this for a few nights and it doesn't work then I'd probably hold the door shut. I was sounding like a really calm mum until then wasn't I!?!

Thanks everyone!

Sorry I didn't get back on last night DH could tell I was a bit upset on the phone and came home, we had a lovely night and I cried A LOT to him! I think half the problem has been that I KNOW its coming if that makes sense, so the second she starts its 'here we go again' and my stress or whatever from the previous night is back like it never left!

Unfortunately I can't let her stay up much later as I work from home from 7.15 But I could certainly do 2 shortish stories as long as she was already in her pj's etc... Don't think the holding the door shut would work tbh - she'd just play in there... we tried ignoring it when she used to do that but she'd literally just be wandering around her room for hours! Found her in there once asleep with her belly dancing dress up outfit on over her pjs

I guess I need to just keep calm and reminding myself its a phase and I am the parent type stuff - I will do the books too!

And I can't remember who said it but whoever said about the food probably made a very good point! They often eat around 4.30 - 5 and it seems too early for me, so I don't but then don't get to eat until around 8! I guess I could at least have a small amount of what they have to keep me topped up!

Hi we have used fishingfilly's approach first with ds and now with dd. With ds we got to the stage of "popping out" I'm just popping to the toilet, I'll be back in a few moments...I forgot to put the dishwasher on I'll just pop out and do it etc, the popping out became slightly longer in nature and one day he just fell asleep when I was out of the room, I mentioned it the next day to dh in front of him "You'll never guess what, ds went to sleep all by himself last night" that night he announced I could go and just check him before I went to bed. We are currently at the popping out stage with dd but she goes to sleep when I am still in the room (17mths)

Ok everyone thanks for the tips etc

Tonight is going well so far, she is awake and moving around in there but hasn't come out of her room and I am still calm - has to be a good sign

Tonight was easy food night for the kids so they had fish fingers, oven chips and peas - I had a little plate of oven chips to keep me going and I do feel better for it

cross your fingers for me!

Fingers crossed

It went well! I am really pleased I stayed calm, the couple of times she started playing up I reminded her that as long as she listened to me I wouldn't get cross - she was out cold by 7.20 ish no shouting, no smacking, fab! Now I just have to keep it up!