Frustrated about not being able to stick to routine

[BertieBotts]

Never really been a fan of routine for babies etc. However DS ended up dictating his own routine of sorts when he was around 13 months which looked like this:

8/9am wake up
9.15 leave for toddler group
9.30-11 toddler group (every morning which was/is a godsend)
11-1pm DS sleep in buggy
1.30 lunch
afternoon potter around house, maybe walk to park/feed ducks/go shopping etc (he prob had a nap earlier in year but not now)
4.30 start dinner
5pm eat dinner
5.30 potter a bit more, maybe watch CBeebies, bath, etc
around 6-7pm bed

This all worked fine, I knew where I was going with it, although DS would always be unsettled and out of routine when he saw his dad at the weekends.

Then the summer holidays happened and the surestart group wasn't on every morning, and we lacked a reason to get up. I am pretty much lazy and unless I know I will miss something if I sleep in I can't seem to make myself get up. (I used to get up for school/college by watching Friends at 8am). This was fine although DS was going to bed at 10-11pm and getting up at 11ish in the morning, but it wasn't really a problem for me as I thought oh well, we'll just get back into a pattern when the schools go back.

But now I'm really struggling with it. I've had a couple of good days but then what happens is if DS doesn't nap in the morning, then the day is basically written off, he won't eat lunch until he's had a sleep, I can't get him to sleep, I spend so long trying to get him to sleep that by the time I do it's 2pm. He always sleeps for 2 hours (and waking him before this doesn't make a difference to his later sleep) OR I keep him awake despite the non lunch eating and then he invariably falls asleep when we have a cuddle or in the middle of the floor (occasionally!) or (guaranteed) if he is in his pushchair or carseat for more than 5 minutes. Once he wakes up he will be awake then for at least 6-7 hours and nothing I do will make him sleep before this time, he is just absolutely wide awake. Likewise if he falls asleep before about 7pm he just wakes up 3-4 hours later and is wide awake, thinking it was a nap. Again I can't get him back to sleep at this time and he's often hungry, because he won't eat much during the day when he is tired.

This means if he misses his morning nap I'm completely stuck either in the house or going somewhere which he can walk to himself (which is the park or the ducks, as the road is too busy to take him shopping without pushchair backup), to prevent him falling asleep.

Tearing my hair out a bit about it TBH :( I'm starting at uni next week and I need to get him to the childminder in the mornings so he can't be going to bed at 10 or 11 or later. My HV is "very concerned" as well.

Also this afternoon, it's his birthday tomorrow and I need to get him up early to go to a thing the children's centre happened to be putting on on the same day. So I want him in bed by a reasonable time tonight, but he got up late (hence missed his morning nap) and if he sleeps now he won't sleep later. I need to go into town to get some more wrapping paper and food for tomorrow, though I could walk to Asda at 7/8ish so if he falls asleep I can transfer him straight to bed, but it might be dark by then. (I don't drive).

Any advice/tips?

How did he sleep - did you get up?

Yes, sorry, today was his 2nd birthday :)

He didn't go to sleep last night until about 10, but that was still earlier than he had been going to bed, so waking him up after a short nap worked to some extent. His sleep was a bit broken though as though he was expecting to get up each time, but I'd fallen asleep with him at 10 so he must have decided it was night time after all if I was there and went back to sleep quite easily. Woke him this morning at 9am and he was okay, not too groggy. He's had a very exciting birthday though - soft play this morning, friend round over lunch and grandma and presents in the afternoon! So he didn't sleep at all today and went to sleep just before 7.30 (in his brand new pyjamas :)) that he will sleep through now and not want to get up. I did manage to get him to eat some of his tea and have a yoghurt so hopefully that will have helped.

CarGirl - the problem with dropping his nap completely is that it means I can't go anywhere as he falls asleep within 5 minutes in the buggy/car or if I'm holding him when he's that tired. That's not practical because I'm a single parent so need to go shopping etc. Managed to keep him on the go today because everything was SO exciting. For the rest of the week I'll keep up his routine of various morning groups though which he usually sleeps on the way home from.

Once he's getting up in the morning you may find he goes to bed at 7pm up at 7am and that is it for the day. I would just try and set aside a week and be really strict in getting up in the morning and keeping him going to try and break his old routine.

Plan to take him out and about very early afternoon and don't let him sleep past 40 mins if he does fall asleep.

Enjoy your evening today!

Well it's not a problem usually if he has 2 hours sleep in the morning, as I said, it has worked for the past year without any problems. He seems to eat his lunch much better when he's had a sleep as well. It's just if he misses this morning sleep for whatever reason that I have a problem.

Thanks, I will, a friend is coming over with a DVD and some wine

I just want you to be prepared that he's 4 months older so he may either get up earlier in the monring than 8/9 or need a shorter nap so he may not need 16 hours sleep out of 24 anymore I'm afraid

Oh yes, I know he will need less as he gets older - just not sure he's quite there yet :)

Bertie - once you start with the childminder etc then that will naturally enforce the timings you need. Yes it will be a bit of a shambles for a few days but you will cope and he will adapt.

DS goes to bed 8.30-9 and sleeps until 7.45ish usually - sometimes later if he is a bit poorly or we've had an especially busy day the day before.
Then we do things in the morning and over lunchtime, some days out and some days we are busy at home, we have an hour of TV and books after lunch and then he goes for a nap at somewhere between 2 and 3. He has at least 2 hours sleep in the afternoon but I generally try and have him awake again by 5.
Then he has a drink and a little snack and either plays in the garden or inside while I sort the dinner out.

So he is sleeping maybe 13-14 hours a day and he's 3 months older than your DS.

I suppose that if you have uni work to do in the evenings you may find that you want him in bed even earlier, but if he has been at the childminder's he could well be knackered and just ready to come home and have tea, bath and bed.

Good luck with uni, and everything will work out fine with your DS :)