My baby started crying when she saw me

[FeelLikeTweedleDee]

For the past two Fridays my DD (2.5 months old) has slept at her Grandmas. This has been her first experience of sleeping out. She always seems so alert and happy when she's been at her Grandmas. Today when DH and I went to pick her up DD started crying hysterically when she saw me. She didn't like the look of me at all.

I already suffer from PND and feel out of my depth with motherhood so this latest scenario has been another nail in the coffin.

I trully suspect that my DD prefers the company of my mother to me. I'm just sitting here crying wondering if I'll ever be a good mother. DD is still in her car seat. I'm scared that the sight of me will make her cry again.

I feel like a pathetic mother. My DH tells me to pull myself together and he's "went out for a drive".

Would my DD be better off being adopted by my mother? Would she be happier?

I'm trying my very best at motherhood, I really am :,( But if DD is happier with someone else?

It is so tough when your baby is so young. Ditto to what the others have said about your DD having a huge rush of feeling when she sees you, which results in crying. You are her mum, and so are the centre of her world and always will be until she has her own children.

About your mum undermining you, don't forget you are her little girl, going through a tough time, and she is probably trying to 'help' you, especially if she is worried about your PND. It is a really hard relationship to get right (with your mother, once YOU become a mother) but try giving her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her about how you feel and ways in which she could help you. Don't cut her out of your life for goodness sake, Grandmas are such an important life line for you and your sanity in the years to come, it is definitely worth trying to sort things out.

Could you refer your DH to a post natal depression website? One of the ones that talks about how damaging it is to be told 'to pull yourself together'.

Not sure if I would do the sleeping apart thing at this early stage, especially if it is just stressing you out.

Also, don't worry about not bonding. It is very early days, it often takes a lot longer to 'fall in love' with your baby, as they develop into little people and you get to really know them. At this stage it is just so exhausting.

You are NOT a pathetic mother, keep trying with meeting people, and keep getting support on here and from your GP. Forget about weight stuff for now. It does get better, I promise.

I can remember feeling really horribly upset because my daughter was looking at me funny when she was four months old. And then I noticed she looked at everyone in this funny scathing manner when she was winding up for a poo!

Everything babies do is a tad random. Please don't take it to heart.

But don't let your mother undermine you, she's your daughter and you are doing a great job of raising her and if you are not doing an exceptional job perhaps it's because everyone else is not helping you along preferring instead to make snide comments.

Incidentally, don't be too tough on your DH, blokes are crap at this stuff and often feel shellshocked by the arrival of a child. They can't bloody do anything to help, they can't lactate and are terrified of doing anything wrong.

And all of this - I promise you, it does get easier :)

my DS still does this sometimes if i am away from him for a day/half a day. he sees his main food source and wants my utmost attention. your baby wants her mum. and if you are pumping all hours anyway and are not getting a rest then have your baby with you rather than at Grandma's.

I haven't read all of the posts but can I just reassure you that having had 4 children all of my babies have done this - it is relief that you are back! Honestly! It is really a compliment! Also if you think of children when they first start school, they will not cry all daay but can often cry the moment they see mum. That doesn't mean that you should stop leaving them but that they have a good, strong attachment.

Hi, agree with all posters who advised that your baby is crying because you're back and she missed you. It's her little protest. It's very common for children to cry when they see their parents after an absence. But it's not a negative reaction to the parents, it's more of a "hey Mum, I didn't like it that you left me so I'm just letting you know." When my DD was 18 months old, I had to go to a conference for 5 days. I spoke to her several times each day but when I came home, she refused to come to me for the first hour.

I did a parenting course a while ago and the guy told us that babies (up to age 2 1/2) think they're going to die if they can't smell their Mothers for a period of 8 hours and their anxiety increases as the length of absnece increases. Which is why it's recommended that if the Mum does have to leave the baby - for say a hospital stay - she should leave something behind that smells strongly of her. Like a T-shirt that she's worn to bed.

Whilst you're still breastfeeding, I think it would be best for you and your DD to not leave her overnight at your Mum's house. And it sounds like it's creating anxiety for you that you really don't need.

You're her Mum and, given the right support, you will gain the confidence to be a fantastic Mum. So please do get the help you need so you can enjoy this special time with her. You need the help to take back some control because it sounds like others are taking it away from you. Don't ever think your baby prefers her Granny to you. Babies absolutely and postiively adore their Mums. They are happiest when they're in their Mum's arms being cuddled.

And tell your husband to cop on to himself and remind him that you're his wife and his loyalty should rest with you. You need his support, not his judgement.

Good luck.

i am just repeating the messages from previous posters, but please please listen. your baby is relieved to see you. my dd1 used to do this to me all the time. she would cry when i walked in to collect her from nursery (whilst desperately trying to come towards me), and would be a bit mean to me for a few hours afterwards (not looking etc). it is a strange reaction, and hard to understand, but it is basically asking you 'how could you leave me mummy?'

dd1 (now 3.4) loves me to pieces btw. and so does yours.

oh any your mum is tryig to help you i think. but if you are getting stressed, keep your baby close to you. as close as possible. until you are ready.

and have a long chat with your dh about pnd.

Just wanted to add that I found that expressing can be exhausting and can make you feel a bit detached from your baby, and like you're just a milk machine - bfing is about so much more than simply getting milk into your baby, and it's all the snuggling up, skin to skin etc, that will help you both calm down, relax and bond - your body gets flooded with nice oxytocin which doesn't happen when you express. Could your Mum come and help out during the day for a few hours at a time, bringing your baby to you for feeds, and letting you catch up on sleep in between? That might be more helpful than her taking your baby away for the night. It's worth throwing whatever resources you can at the problem for this short period until your baby becomes more settled.

Really don't worry about weight gain - if you are feeding her, you will most likely lose weight that way anyway. And in just a few weeks time, life will seem more manageable. Right now you just need support, rest and good food, so that you can get on with the tough job of mothering.

FeelLikeTweedleDee
It sounds like you really need more help with the PND, so I would go back to your doc and any support groups that are available.

With regards to your mum.
I think 1st time grandmothers, particularly with children of daughters they are close to, can get a bit overbearing. My own mother did sometimes undermine me, although it wasnt deliberate. I just think that they really believe that their way is best and we should be doing whatever they say.

Should you try getting your daughter into a better sleep routine, or even consider a middle of the night bottle to give yourself a break?

Best of luck and you sound like a great Mum.

How you getting on FLTD?

bless you, she would have most def cried in sudden realisation that you hadnt been around for a bit and for her it was relief you were back,panic you may leave and all the other emotions rolled into one..i have many years childcare experience and two children myself who ALWAYS cried when i came back..take it as a compliment not rejection!!