Newborn DD2, small age gap - need some encouragement!

[ExistentialistCat]

DD2 is 11 days old. DD1 is nearly 15 months. Although I'm not quite the basket case that I was following DD1's birth, I do feel like I'm struggling and I'd love to hear people's tips and experiences.

BF didn't work with DD1 in spite of my best attempts but DD2 has taken to it straightaway. I'm quite shocked at how utterly relentless it is and just don't know how I'll cope with 4-hour on/off feeding sessions once DH is back at work full-time.

I've tried to keep at least some of our usual activities going - Tumbletots and a few outings to the park and seeing mummy/baby friends - but can manage nothing like the level of activity that we've been used to and both enjoy. This is largely connected to bf as I find it rather stressful not knowing when and how long DD2 is next going to want to feed.

I also find it hard that DH has to do so much more now. I'm used to taking care of everyone and I really enjoy this role. Now I feel like there just isn't enough Me to go round.

I can't remember how we got from helpless newborn to the gorgeous toddler that DD1 is today and I worry that it won't be possible a second time, that it was just fluke. This applies to every little thing, from regular feeds to being able to put DD2 down at night!

My solution so far has been to put DD2 in a sling and get on with as much of life as possible, generally aiming to sit it out until DD2 has come into the world a bit more. Even though I am besotted with DD2, I think I'm just not very good at newborns!

Congratulations

No advice, really as haven't got small age gaps. But wanted to say I think your sling strategy is a good one

Well done with the bf. It does, IME, get easier as they get a bit older. She is feeding loads in order to establish her supply. Once that's up her feeding should become more settled (disclaimer: this is MY experience, am by no means an expert!)

FWIW, I think it's no bad thing spending more time at home, pottering abot with a newborn and toddler. Your dd1 is young enough to not get unsettled by the change in routines... enjoy the fact that she will have as much fun indoors with you when dd2 is napping as she would if you were out and about

Give yourself a break, you do deserve one for the firsdt few weeks at least!

Thank you, not now, and thanks for your reply to my other thread, too. It's supportive comments like yours that make it possible to hang in there when things feel tough...

Congratulations!

It's still very early days, you're doing fantastically to be getting out and about as much as you are so don't be so hard on yourself!

It's a real shock when #2 arrives IME. It does get easier though. And the BFing gets easier too when you get the hang of it and are able to do it as and when it's needed. I found it actually makes life easier as you don't have to remember bottles etc every time you go out

Enjoy your beautiful children, it's fun when the initial tiredness and worry wears off!

my only tip is to eat lots of chocolate! seriously.

I have a 2 yr age gap and an older child, my youngest is now 4 months and things are getting easier. I ate lots of chocolate every day to start with including when I was up in the night feeding, I am now down to a bar of dairy milk most days.

If you can get to grips with feeding in public life gets easier and you can get out more. But really, I am finding the best solution is just to take things one day at a time.

Try asking some of your family and friends how they think you are doing. I was struggling really badly for a while and finally confessed to my brother how I felt, and his reaction was that he thought I was doing brilliantly and was superwoman. I just have high expectations of myself.

good luck and don't forget to enjoy your little ones.

p.s. didn't mean that to be quite so long.

Great advice so far...

It is NOT a crime to put your DD1 in front of the TV, sometimes for hours on end, as long as it's Cbeebies in the early days! It's whatever you can do to survive at the moment...

If you have close friends who are willing to take DD1 off to an activity etc for a few hours, let them do it.

My two are 20 months apart, DS1 is now 2.7 and DS2 11 months and we had a really lovely day today. DS1 makes DS2 laughs in a real belly sort of laugh that no one else seems to be able to do and it's beautiful to watch.

Sounds like you're doing fab even though you don't feel it. My dd2 is 5 weeks old now, like you bf is going well this time, was basket case with dd1 and bf was a disaster. Like you, we had cluster feeds at the beginning with dd2 and I wondered how we'd cope and missed dd1 desperately and got really emotional about it.

Hang in there! Your sling is your friend. Dd's cluster feeds have settled a lot now, and I'm also getting used to feeding while standing in the park, on the loo beside the bath, or sitting beside dd1's toy boxes. Needs must! Just remember, each day is a day closer to a more manageable situation, and in the blink of an eye, you'll have a much more manageable 6 month old giggling at her older sister's antics.

Thank you for your encouragement, everyone. I've needed it after 2 visits to the out-of-hours doctor last night, one for suddenly heavy postpartum bleeding and one for a seriously sick DD1. Funny how life has a way of suddenly getting much more complicated just when you've been complaining about how complicated it was anyway!

I think having DD1 has made me more impatient to see DD2 get older. I know some people really get the newborn phase and I always thought I'd be one of them, but I'm not. Give me an inquisitive, wilful, opinionated toddler rather than this baffling half-human any day (I'm going to live to regret saying that, aren't I...)!

sorry to hear about your bleeding - hope you're ok! and dd1 too? is she ok? you're right, toddlers are fab. dealing with the not being sure what's wrong with the tiny baby when she cries situation by shoving a boob in her face. works pretty much all the time hope you both are feeling better soon and hope the next few weeks are better and better

My two are 17 months apart and my lifesaver was for us all to have a midday nap. My now 2 year old has just dropped her daytime sleep and i am like a zombie! BF does settle down at around 6 weeks.

My eldest two are 14 months apart - life gets easier.

What strikes me, looking back, is how hard it was, but I didn't realise at that time. You just get through it.

Having a newborn, no matter what the age gap, if its your first, second or tenth, is hard.

My advice would be not to try to keep up the same level of activity. Prepare yourself when you breastfeed with books, cbeebies, biscuit and drink. Its a good time to give DD1 some attention. And it really is such early days, you

IME DC2 comes with a whole new heap of maternal guilt. Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

You will be fine, I had 18 months between DD1 & 2 and yes the first year is hard work then it's gets better they are very close like twins in some ways.

BFing WILL get a lot easier I promise you by the time they are a few months old they get a lot faster at it.

It can't have been that bad I went on to have 2 more. My largest gap is 2 1/2 years and that is harder than the shorter gap.

Have only just joined on here. So sorry if this is posted too late for you to read it.

Congratulations on your new arrival. Hope your bleeding has calmed down and DD1 is better?!

Just wanted to add my 2pennthworth. I have 16 months between my two. Now DS is nearly 3 and DD is 18 months.

Early days are difficult...but just wanted to say that I didn't stress about 'entertaining' no 2 at all, she was happy to sit in bouncer and watch her brother and me (I was so precious about DS at every stage). Always put the older one first. I never managed the sling thing - really wish I had! - but had a sort of carrycot that went over my shoulder, very handy - though there was the odd moment when it seemed baby might fall out!

Like others have said - maternal guilt will creep in but nothing will ever spoil that utterly gorgeous moment when the baby first giggles/smiles at their sibling!

Hi, I've got 12 month age gap between my DDs and though the first couple of months were a shock, it soon got easier.

I was lucky DD2 fed every 4 hours from being a newborn, I wasn't BFing though, but she was quite predictable. I didn't go out much at all in the first couple of months so I admire you for doing as much as you do. Can feel like a military operation getting out with newborn and toddler sometimes!

I found it a lifesaver when DD1 napped in the afternoons and I could get some rest with DD2, it just made the days easier to get through.

My girls are 3 and 2 now, close as can be (in spite of the odd fist fights wrangles over toys) they miss each other when apart. And DD2s baby days seemed to fly by so quickly, she was a toddler before I knew it.