How to tell husband about safe sleeping for baby without sounding like a nag

[nougatness]

Our baby is 3 months old and a delight so far.
My husband and I have been having some difficulties that are actually totally unrelated to the baby, but we are working through and getting on with it.
He has been really helping late at night so I can get some sleep as I am back at work.
Last night I went to get her to feed her and he had put her in her cot under a thick blanket, head to the base, nursing pillow draped over the end of the cot(if it fell into cot, would have fallen on her face), with teddies up around her head.
It was like a total tick the box for things not to do in regards to SIDS, which I am terribly paranoid about.
I didn't say anything this morning, and I would usually just say what I was thinking and tell him, but at counselling he mentioned that I don't trust his actions and thoughts on baby stuff until I have researched them myself.
We have a nanny and I was wondering if I should go through it with her, how the baby should be placed etc, with him there, so he gets it as well.
I will say something tonight as the baby's safety is more important than his feelings, but I just don't want to reinforce what he feels about me not trusting his parenting.
Any ideas for someone who is as subtle as a brick?

Can you show him the advice from the SIDS website? You definitely can't let this happen again but it is hard the mum always seeming like the expert situation.

I just printed off the safe sleeping poster and will put it up and say it is for all of us to remember.
He will know why, but I am trying to be diplomatic.

Will the poster be enough OP? I think that although you need to be sensitive around your DH, the baby's safety while sleeping comes first above DH's hurt feelings. Can you say to him, "I couldn't remember if when they go to sleep they should be head to top or feet to foot of cot, so I looked it up - here's how they should be put in the cot, oh and we need to be careful about toys, blankets and pillows apparently..."?

I would also take all the teddies out of the cot - arrange them in the room somewhere so they look nice, eg on a shelf, your baby doesn't need loads of soft toys at this age. Make sure you have a room thermometer and, assuming you use a sleeping bag, it will come with a guide to room temp. (If you don't use a bag, I really recommend them then no worries about kicking off blankets or getting too hot under them.)

Temp in room should usually be lower than you think (18C best), you shouldn't need a thick blanket at this time of year, so put that away too - if it was out in the room, perhaps he thought that it was meant to go over the baby.

Nursing pillow on end of cot was a bit shit though, why did he leave it there? Had he been feeding the baby or are you ebf? If you are bf, always leave the cushion next to or on the chair you use, then it won't be near the cot.

find something to praise him as well. Ask him to teach you a song that he may sing or how to hold the baby in a particular way. If he knows you respect most of the things that he does that he won't object to the SIDs stuff

PKB - That' a good idea about me saying that.
That's the thing, the teddies were on a shelf, the pillow was on my chair and the blanket was on top of the cot, fully tucked in!
Will get it sorted tonight.

Thanks Witch, top idea, as well. I have to remember he is as tired as me probably.

oh good grief, he'd really gone out of his way to make it lovely hadn't he!! I really don't get why he'd moved the pillow - there is basic common sense too surely as well as knowing stuff like SIDS risks.

I guess it is a question of "pick your battles". If it's SIDS risks or ensuring that heated up formula or bathwater isn't too hot, you have to risk hurting his feelings. If it's finding the way of holding the baby that she prefers, which song to sing, or which clothes to dress her in, grit your teeth and let your DH learn through his own trial and error.

OP, did you put the poster up / chat to your DH? How did it go?

Yep! He was fine, he didn't understand about her not being under the blanket, but I explained and he didn't seem to take it in a bad vein at all. I just said that we have to do as we say with the nanny and everyone has to be consistent. Thank you for all your help and advice