I feel awful. I have been ignoring ds while he watches tv and I fart about on computer in another room. I shouted at and was quite rough with both dc this morn.

[peggotty]

Sometimes I think I am a horrible damaging mother with my behaviour towards my children. I have a very short temper and I sometimes struggle to keep it. DS is 2.8 and has been very very 'challenging' recently. I man-handled them both into the car this morn (dd is 5.5) to get to school. I then had 2.5 hours to myself as ds went to playgroup, so you'd think I'd pull myself together in that time, but since he's got back I got him lunch then have left him watching tv. I am wallowing I know but I just can't face doing anything with him. My dd is a sensitive little girl in a lot of ways and I hate myself when I lose my temper with her as she always looks so shocked and hurt . I apologised to her this morning but she went off into school crying. I just feel like I could be a lot better than I am.

God I could have written your post. When they're in bed I look at them (sleeping!) and I feel so ashamed that I haven't got more patience. I have got so frustrated with DD (2.8) about her constant whining and failure to do as she's told ALL THE TIME that last night I hit an all time low. I won't go into details but I did shut the kitchen door to get away from her and when I opened it (sharply) the baby fell through onto the floor infront of me. He wasn't hurt but I just feel disproportionatley (sp) angry with DD that then spills over onto DS.

It's awful. I really do understand, but I don't really have the answer.

They're with the GPs today but frankly I couldn't wait for them to leave this morning. Everything is such a battle. Eugh.

Do you need to rebalance your life a bit so that your own needs are being properly met? Are you feeling relaxed, happy and healthy in yourself?

Are you eating properly, getting enough rest and relaxation, exercising regularly and enjoying hobbies and interaction with other adults? If not then making some changes on this stuff may well improve your relationship with your children.

Remember none of us is perfect (well at least not all the time!!)

GoWest thanks so much for the empathy - It's so true that I love my children most when they're asleep in bed. I think my poor dd does get a lot of 'spill-over' anger from ds heaped onto her - and she's generally very well behaved as well (although can just whinge for Britain), so that makes me feel worse. When I feel overwhelmed like this I just withdraw from them, which can't be healthy at all...

Fatty, I would say I eat and exercise well, and have recently been enjoying a bit more time to myself as ds has started playgroup 3 mornings a week. I'm a SAHM, and I think the shine has definately worn off that for me, but I am planning to stay one until ds goes to school.

I am just the sort of person who naturally needs quite a lot of time on their own (obviously difficult with young children) but I realise that I just need to get on with it really as there's no alternative. It's just a bad day today. I am also at the mercy of bloody hormones a lot of the time..

p.s fortunately ds seems quite happy through there in front of the tv! Obviously not ideal but it's just for today, plus it's pouring outside!

Dont feel bad.

I shouted at DS yesterday, and he went to bed crying because I was so tired I just needed space and peace and quite.

Doesn't sound too mean.... but it was his birthday

Cut yourself some slack, we all do it

When I feel so crap then come on here and read that most other people are going through the same thing, it makes me wonder what went on before we had the internet to 'fess up to?

I wouldn't tell many of my RL friends how I feel (and how I behave sometimes), but it seems to go on in everyones' homes. So 50 years ago it probably was much the same (actually worse for women), but they perhaps had no way of having an outlet to try and rationalise their feelings and ultimatley change their situations.

The point to this is that yes I feel shyte, but it's not the end of the world. Many millions of parents and childrens have had tough times and come through it.

Do yo take any supplements to help with hormonal mood swings, peggotty? I get those and supplements (primrose oil etc) help me a lot.

Life with little ones can be tough. It might be a cliche but "Me Time" is good for you imo - can you spend the time ds is at playgroup reading a book / having coffee with a friend instead of on housework?

Fatty, I've been thinking that I should try some supplements actually, do they really really help?! I do spend the time that ds is at playgroup on 'me' things actually, with a minimum of housework bunged in .

Gowest, yes it must have been worse years ago, but equally, I don't think there was as much pressure to be a 'perfect' parent then. One of the things I beat myself up about is that I don't play with my children enough, but I think that 50 or 60 years ago, mothers just didn't particularily play with their children that much, or at least didn't worry as much about doing 'educational activities' with them or whatever! (says me, with the ds plonked in front of the telly!)

Pegotty supplements make a huge difference if I am fwwling irritable or tearful and they work pretty fast too. Give it a go!

Re playing with kids, one of my all time fave books is "Playful Parenting" - after reading it I understood so much more about what games kids like to play and why, and how much you can improve your communication with your kids through the language of play. It is a fasciniating read and I would really recommend...£5.99 spend that could change your life!

What supplements are people taking?

I (stupidly) came off Citalopram (anti-dep) 4 weeks ago and started a diet. No wonder I feel so crap. ALthough I've lost 21lbs I think my children would prefer a chubbier more stable mother :(

I think I'm over the worst of dropping the Anti-D's so am reluctant to go back on them but a supplement could help.

Sorry peggoty if I'm hijacking!

No probs Gowest! I was on Citalopram too last year, stopped taking them this february. IIRC you have to give yourself a bit of time to 'stabilise' again. One thing that has become apparent since I've come off them is just how bloody hormonal I am! It's incredibly predictable - oh yes, here comes the horny, energetic stage of the month, then the grumpy stage, next the weepy stage and finally the 'I Vant to Be Alone' Greta Garbo stage! Then back to the beginning we go. I started exercising regularly when I stopped citalopram which I have found to be great for stress-release (though not always, hence this thread!). I've been considering going on the pill purely to stabilise my hormone-craziness but would probably rather try supplements first.

I have recently read (and still am) the 'How to talk so kids will listen...' book in an effort to improve my parenting. I was deffo getting too shouty and losing rag too much.

It has definitely helped, i have been noticeably less shouty over last 4 weeks with a corresponding beneficial effect on teir behaviour, particularly the eldest.

It just seemed to have quite good e.g.s and be quite well explained that i could easily try and do what the book was suggesting.

I don't know why but I imagined that booked was aimed at older children?

Re supplements, what you should take depends on what your symptoms are really, and what works for you.

Evening primrose oil work for me if I feel tearful or scratchy. I also sometimes take a pre-menopause supplement. B vitamins and coQ10 and iron can help with energy. Try taking a look at the Higher Nature site or similar for an idea of what might suit you.

don't worry too much, just try to find little ways of making things better, says the mother of a 4 months old who sometimes panic,...

i guess our mums generation didn't consider it that much, you know, put a bunch of kids together and let them entertained themselves, they even smack kids, and as grandparents they find television a godsend...

now i am a mum, my mil has taken to tell me all the horror stories of when the kids(dh and sibblings) were little, you wouldn't believe...

So did i.

However i have just come back from first parents evening, he has been at school for 2 weeks. Have been told that he is hitting, poking and shoving other children a lot. Am gutted as had no idea and had thought his behaviour was improved at home.

So my advice worth nowt i reckon! Am off to start a thread of my own i htink as am a bit stumped as to how to stop this as he defo knows this is not how to behave.

Another shouty horrible mother here.

Every evening (after looking at them asleep) I swear that tomorrow will be a better day and I won't lose control, but come the school run I am yelling again. It upsets you for the rest of the day.

Things have improved this term so far, and I think it's down to organisation. I seem to have things more under control in the mornings - limiting breakfast selection, no TV on etc, which has helped.

Also in the afternoons, I have no problem with popping the little ones in front of the TV while I get on with the ironing or lie with them and read a book. It's about balance I think, and if you have had a good morning you can relax a bit in the afternoons before the post-school rush.

Someone on here recommended pretending you are being filmed - a great idea I think!

Don't think you are a bad mother - most of us get stressed at certain times, and I think it takes a bit more than that to make our children hate us.

Oh and the playing - we are all good at different things. I cannot stand creative stuff or role playing - so we go for walks, go swimming, play cricket, build lego (anything with instructions for unimaginative people). I don't think that's so bad!

We all do it. At least you recognise it.

I think the best things is to be kind to yourself. Parenting is a full on job and its no surprise if we crack sometimes. Also sounds like you ahve alot going on right now. Is there anything in particular that makes it worse? Mine is the mornings so I ahve found being really organised (uniforms out, shoes and bags by door) and getting up earlier ti give an extra 15 minutes for messing about and aiming to get to school 10 mins early helps.

I also hate being bored and try as I might I simply do not get alot of pleasure out singing nursery rhymes or doing puzzles. I have a particular disklike oif anything craft related. I therefore pickj things I can tolerate. I also break the day up. EG, I took DS to a story time session earlier which was 45 mins long so I put him in front of the TV for half an hour before so I could get the bathroom cleaned. Its all a matter of balance.