Jealous of my husband

[strokeyfifi]

God - what a confession! I feel so childish but I am really jealous of my husband. My 9 month old dotes on his Dad, smiles and laughs whenever he's near and cries if he is passed to me from his Dad. I am at home with him all day whilst Dad goes to work. Shouldn't it be me that he's strongly attached to and doesn't want to leave? It's ridiculous I know, but it's really getting me down. I had PND after he was born and am worried that I haven't done something so we haven't bonded properly. I'm also worried as all my efforts seem to have little effect and I'm starting to not bother trying to make him smile and laugh - I feel like such a bad mum. :(

I'm sure it is more of a novelty value than anything else - he is with you all day so that his dad is more interesting.
Also, my ds is now 12 months and dh and I have found it really goes in cycles - sometimes he is flavour of the month and sometimes I am just depending on the wee blighters mood.
Please don't worry that you haven't done something or you're failing to bond. Please don't stop trying to make him laugh.
BTW I think we all get a bit jealous when our partners get a better response from our kids than we do.

Oh no I remember on ds when he went through the Daddy is the best stage I was devastated, and I was trying hard to *buy his love back with triple attention . He soon came back and has been a mum's boy since.

DD is now going through this stage and I am enjoying the break . I think it is natural to feel this way try not to be to hard on yourself it is just a phaze and I think quite a few mum's react badly to it.

Don't feel bad about this, it is normal for a baby to act in this way. I think that often babies don't really consider their mother to be separate from themselves, so they save their smiles for other people. DS would smile at any random person but not at me for ages. DD actively prefers her father to me at the moment.

Did you have any treatment for your PND? Is there any possibility that it has not entirely gone away? You sound so upset. Please remember that if you were a bad mum you wouldn't care about any of it, your worry is proof that you are a good mum.

Can you have a chat with your HV or doctor, just to check everything is OK?

oh you poor thing. It's funny I was watching my dd (14 weeks) today and how she is with her Daddy, she idolises him already and follows him with her eyes and gives him the most and best smiles. But Dad's are more fun. They come in from work having missed their little one and lavish attention, games and smiles on them yet here we are doing the grim stuff with no time to miss them. Try to enjoy watching them together and remind yourself that that's your family and it's pretty wonderful. But I also think they go in phases about who they prefer and who they need. Before you know it it will be Daddy who's getting jealous and don.t give up on trying to get those smiles . . . They're too precious. Oh and by the way you're not a bad mum just normal!

Sounds fairly similar to our house. Dad works full time, I spend all day with DD, yet it's Daddy she dotes on. I'd be lying if I said it has never gotten to me. But if she's poorly or teething, she still wants cuddles with me. I put it down to the novelty factor, as she doesn't see her Dad as much.

If the roles were reversed, and you were the one out at work all day, you'd be the one getting all the attention when you got home! Don't blame yourself, if anything give yourself a pat on the back! Your DS is obviously confident that you are there for him.

I can't believe howquickly you huys reply! or how much better I feel for having written down how I feel and reading your responses, know that I'm not the only one.
In rational moments I know I'm not doing anything wrong...but those irrational moments just keep creeping in.

I did get antidepressants soon after baby was born but have been trying to reduce the dose over the last few months as i felt so much better - perhaps I was a little premature.

Thank you all for your very kind words, I'll try and remember them next time I'm feeling blue - thank you, thank you, thank you!

You are doing a great job.

I think it's true that babies don't see a Mother as Other.

You are your boys solid back foot, and he's dipping the toe of his other foot in the water of another person - your DH. It's only cos he feels so secure that he's able to do this.

Don't worry about anything / bonding / being a good mummy - you are doing a great job!!! I now it's hard when you're putting in 100% and you feel like you're only getting 10%, but remember that he's only developing because you are doing your job so well..

Try baby massage if you feel that you are not making the kind of contact you would like - obviously he's happy as a clam!! Baby massage / skin on skin time is so calming, and interactive.

If you are still feeling a bit low, have a chat with your GP. I had a dip or two of the PND at milestones as well. Baby massage really helped with it TBH.

Congrats on your happy DS!

Just wanted to say we went through this too and just as I returned to work and started feeling a bit depressed. Then it was Granny, everyday "Granny's house".

Fast forward to DD1 being 2 and following me about everywhere, seriously, I can't even go to the toilet without her crying outside till I'm out!

But again i know this is a phase so I'm trying to relish in it

I think Zazen sums it all up perfectly.

Hope you feel better soon.

I had this too lola, DS2 actively wanted granny, so much he would scream and push me away if I tried to comfort him when she was there

Now at 2.5, its me he wants, constantly!

god i'm so glad everyone else feels like that sometimes. DS would not have anything to do with DH at all when he was little. Now he seems to prefer anyone but me (well nanny or DH). I feel jealous too