Anyone else crap at sorting out sibling disputes?

[Wallace]

Such as just now:

Dd(9) has been playing with ds1's (11) Action Man in games with her Bratz. He hasn't played with it for years and years.

However ds2 just bought an Action man at a car boot sale and ds1 suddenly decides that he wants his action man back so he can play with ds2, even though dd is in the middle of a game.

Ds1 says it is his so he deserves it back, and dd says she is playing with it so she deserves to carry on.

What would you do?

I can't call myself an expert as my dcs are just 3 and 5, but my rule is 'If you can't sort it out nicely between yourselves I will take it away.'
That works in our house.

Similar to my approach which was "For god's sake, sort it out yourselves" I think it worked because only two out of three ended up in tears...

I must remember the crucial "take it away" and the vital word "sort it out nicely"

I aske them to both write a report - or draw a picture report if they can't write
then off they go and coem back and I tell them I will look at the reports later and to go off and play

it only works because it unites them against the common enemy.

And great idea, ivy! Doing something without actually doing anything. I like it

Mine are 6 and 4. I say to them I know that you 2 are able to come up with a solution to this problem. I am giving you 5 minutes, then come and tell me what you have agreed. Works nearly every time

that's really positive Naughtymummy - I'm going to try that next time!

I like that Naughtymummy - will try it on mine next time. My 10 year old twins do not fight much luckily. When they do I ignore it if possible as they usually sort themselves out eventually. If they involve me, I tend to tell them both off and then they unite in hating me which seems to solve the argument.

naughtymummy, that's great! I'm going to write that down. I just say that I'm not going to be a referee and if they keep arguing I take it away

Naughtymummy, I'd forgotten that one! Sometimes positive parenting falls by the wayside as I'm screaming at the little monsters to stop fighting....

Why don't you sit them down and go through the rules of how normal rational people live their lives with limited resources:

1. share

2. swap

3. take turns

4. Armageddon

You need to teach you children how to get along without threats.

We live in an increasingly hostile world with increasingly limited resources. These skills will be very useful.

You DO have a job other than a referee. A facilitator.

Letting them sort it out themselves and sticking your head in the sand is a lost opportunity IMVHO.

well that rather assumes you in a position to drop everything and act as facilitator though Zazen - if you have other children to look after and housework to do and meals to prepare you may well not have the time to spend on conflict resolution facilitation.

apologies Zazen, I was unnecessarily snotty there, sorry.

rofl @ conflict resolution facilitation

I use a similar but more brutal method to naughtymummy's for my 4 and 6 yo. I ask them to sort it out between them or there is a consequence eg if they can't agree on a DVD to watch, they don't get to watch one.

oh yes just read thread properly and see thats what seth has already said

< sits in corner, tutting to self >

That's alright seth.. I meant in a quiet moment like after a snack at the table. Or at the table after homework, when everyone's able to sit and listen and be listened to.

The the rules can be pinned up and pointed at when things get hairy.

works for us.

Have tried the 'sort it out in 5 min and come and tell me what you've decided' and the result is warfare escalates to get the other to submit in time = two sobbingly incoherent children!

zazen - you are right, I will try to do this. I do have a feeling that Armageddon might arrive quickly though