Mealtime madness!!!!

[HelenEmjay]

My son who is 5 has always been a crap eater, he has got better and now has quite a few meals that i know he will eat, i sat down with him one day and we both made a list of meal he likes and i was impressed at just how much food he does like now! BUT every mealtime is the same now, i put his meal in front of him and straight away - he makes moaning noises, grunts and sighs, and figits and says 'what is it?' i tell him and he says ok, but then 5 minutes later he hasnt even picked his fork up! dp and i have to constantly tell him 'will u eat!' ooh yeah he goes and picks his fork up plays with his food and after about 10 minutes he's probably had like on mouthful if that! we left him to it one time and he sat there for 3 hours!! and never ate a thing he just pushed it around and it went cold and horrible so i did my nut and took it away as half of it had ended up on the floor anyway! - he started screaming his head and throwing a major tantrum! we just started telling him when this hand on the clock gets to that point (usually we give him about 30 minutes) we are taking your plate away, if its empty you get desert, if not you dont and you will be hungry, so we stuck to it last night and he had only had about one mouthful and i took it away and he screamed - wich we obviously expected, only thing is i know its no good or help to compare, but my ds2 who is only 2, sits and eats all his food up without complaint and has his desert (away from ds1) and sits watching tv with us while ds1 is still mesing around and spilling his dinner everywhere! Sorry for the long post but this has been going on for so long now and i cant figure out if my clock method is the right thing to do or is abit mean maybe? surely by now he should at least be able to sit and eat his food, if he likes it and has requested it!? help help help, we end up falling out every night!

Isn't it weird how common this sort of behaviour is with children and food?!

I'm no expert, but it sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing. If you're consistent with your 30 minute rule, I would think the tantrums will stop fairly quickly. Good luck!

Do you think so SD??? your right though its always mealtimes that i hear other parents moan about with there kids! im glad you think the 30 minute rule is ok! - you cant always tell if your being too strict or not strict enough sometimes dont you think? im at the point where im pulling my soddin' hair out with him!

How about showing him what he is having for tea well before it is tea time. I used to do this with ds1 so that he had time to get used to it. I would show him all the pans with the carrots, peas, potatoes in etc and sometimes if it is a difficult meal that he is not too keen on, I make sure we have one of his favourite puddings like crumble for example so an extra incentive for him to eat. If he has time to get his head round what you are having it may well cut down the time he just stares at it.

Agree with trifle. Also how about getting him to help out with making dinner? Or get him involved with planning what to have?

My children have always eaten whatever I have fed them.

Thanks trifle, and spacedonkey! they are good ideas! i might try and get him to help me do tea, i think it might help! i could try at least! why didnt i think of that? mumtosomeone - you are lucky! - there's nothing more annoying than spending ages cooking and having them say i dont like that before they have even seen what it is! ds2 is great though! - i could give him a plate of worms and mud and he'd jsut stuff it all in!

Without pointing the finger - this IMO is attention seeking. You are doing everything right. The more you try and please - the more he will kick up a fuss.
Stick to what you are doing - whatever you do don't go for separate meals - as you are making a rod for your own back ( believe me ) just remain calm and eventually this will pass.

I used to put the meal on the table and wait ... ready to get upset with DS's reaction. Now, I place the food on the table and leave the room .... at least that way I cannot hear the sighs!!!
If DS sees you reacting to his behavior - he'll know that he has won.... when he get hungry he'll relent .... let's face it - he's not going to starve is he.
Keep it up - you seem to be doing well - though it may not feel like it at the moment.

Oh thanks crystaltips! my auntie has 4 kids and she has spent years making seperate meals for them and she has always said its something she wished she'd never started! im a bit of a stressy mare at the moment wich doesnt help, im 38 weeks pregnant with a baby thats thinks its great fun to do the round and round and round thing all night so im nackered too - i feel like a human washing machine! so ds1 may occasionally get the sharp end of my tongue uneccesarily, id hate to think he was but sometimes you get to the point where you cant see whats right for whats wrong!

make seperate meals? No way!!!!

Message withdrawn

My 4.5 DS is exactly the same. I bought a timer for the table and we put it on every meal. We had a lot of half ifinished meals and tantrums as it took him so long to start eating.
I definatley think it is attention seeking. More recently I only put the timer on if he has sat for too long, or at breakfast as we need to get ready for school and he can't stay there forever. Its still not perfect but hugely improved. Keep up the good work.

Another thing to try is to put less on his plate. Put a bit less than the minimum that you think he could eat and not be hungry in the night. So that he isn't overwhelmed, and so that eating it seems acheivable to him. You can always offer seconds if he does polish it off (after you've picked your jaw up off the floor!).

I don't think you're being mean at all. Or maybe I'm too mean. If dd (3yo) complains or makes "yuck" noises when she sees dinner, I take it away and put it in the kitchen. I come back and eat my dinner and say she's not getting anything until she apologizes. We have a talk every so often about how mummy works hard to make nice meals and it makes her sad if dd says "yuck" to them... And I make her say "thank you for my lovely dinner" before she gets down .

fruitful - you sound like me ! i sit down and tell ds1 about how hard i cook in the kitchen and he makes mummy sad when he says he doesnt like it! will try giving him less though definately - it might help!
alison222 - it is attention seeking isnt it? why do they enjoy negative attention? you'd think they hated being told off??? - i hate shouting at him all the time!

sorry if I am not being helpful. Put food infront of them if they dont eat it then thats up to them..nothing else till next meal!!
Do you all sit down together? Then he can see you all enjoying the meal!

LOL helen. I've had the conversation - do you like me being cross with you? NO!!! oh Really so why do you do it? so many times
He ate new food for lunch with no complaints today as he wanted to go to a friends house to play, so bribery works too - but you can't do that every time. But it was useful today though

Sorry but im ALL for bribery!! !

MY DS is nearly 4 and getting him to eat is hard work. He doesn't like meat, or things mixed up (stews, casseroles, pies, pasta and sauces etc) though he will eat the individual parts of meals except the meat (will eat pasta, veg etc etc).

I think if you have explained your strategy about the 30 min rule and stick to it he will eventually come round. The only other thing i'd say is don't bat an eyelid if he gets fussy but praise him up if he makes a good attempt.

Good luck!