SO TIRED of the endless, endless 'having to deal with it'

[Mervynne]

Just offloading really.

I'm getting really ground down by dealing with ds.

From a very early age, he's always behaved in a defiant way, shown a lot of anger. It seems like we've had five, six years of TRYING with him. Trying to be the best parents we can, trying to be consistent, trying to do positive praise not negative nitpicking, trying not to sweat the small stuff, trying to understand when he gets angry, trying to set a god example (this isn't hard, we aren't antisocial, overcritical, unpleasant people), trying trying trying.

We have stretches of it being good and then things happen like he spits on me, and I just think, oh good GOD back to square one again.

Why do some children just not bloody learn?!?!

sounds just like my ds1. i have no answers i'm afraid, just sympathy!

I know, there are no answers, really.
I can't ignore the fact that he really has stopped doing some of the more annoying things (like asking me 'WHY?' in a snotty voice when I say he can't do/have something).
He's a lovely boy and I adore him but I wish he would just, oh I don't know, bloody STOP the things we've been telling him for years.
If nothing else, it's a worry that he can't.

Ds 2 was a like this, never spat though, I would have lynched him if he had done that, but he was up against the boundaries all the time. I would sit weeping and weeping wondering what on earth was going wrong, I was in despair, he was so difficult. He is just about to turn 11 and I think for the last year he has been an absolute delight. A joy to be around, he cooks a mean spag bol for the whole family, is charming, responsible, considerate and funny.

Years ago I would never have believed it possible though.

Hang on in there

Hi there is a book called 123 magic by Dr. Thomas W. Phelan that we found both encouraging and effective.

Thanks kittywise.
Actually we have stretches now where he isn't like this.
I know we are doing a good job with him, I just wish it wasn't sometimes so relentless.

You lose perspective, you know? What would you have done if he'd spat at you? I have sent him upstairs and I am tempted to have him eat dinner up there and go to bed immediately afterwards. I find I no longer have a clue - is that too harsh? he's 6.

yep we've worried that ds1 literally can't help himself too. so much so that we've been to the GP about it and everything.

hope kittywise is right and they turn out ok in the end

Oh we went to the gp, blood tests as in between the naughtiness there was lethargy. Every test came back normal
It's a tough tough phase to get through. I found that wine helped

Today MUCH better. He actually listened and stopped. We ARE getting there. Thanks

good

Hmm, I remember this with one of my sons, he had a real negative attitude to the world, for so long that I began to think that I would never get through to him. I don't know if it helps, but a few of the 'tricks' I used with him were... if I wanted to make him listen, just go to him, make him face me and listen; then sometimes ask him to repeat what I'd said. If I was going to ask him a question always give options. You want him to wear his coat... so ask him if he wants the red one or the blue one. Don't just ask him to put his coat on, cos he'll say, no! My mum told me that one :) Oh, and try and keep him busy, surprising how often my pasta or anything sortable got mixed up! Kept him busy for ages...
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