Really struggling with 7 week old and 16 month old. Please tell me there's light at the end of the tunnel.

[addictedtodollymixtures]

Help! I thought the transition from 1 to 2 would be a breeze in comparison to the shock of having a first baby, but I am really finding it hard - much harder than I'd anticipated. DD2 is v. colicky and cries inconsolably for several hours of the day and constantly needs to be rocked/soothed and is very hard to settle. Things are so bad my HV has ordered (!) me to use a dummy with her as she is a very sucky baby and I can't be a good mother to poor DD1 with DD2 permanently attached to my boobs - and the constant feeding was not helping her immature tummy...DD2 is also a terrible sleeper and I'm permanently exhausted. Constantly beating myself up that I'm not being a good mother to either of them and also feeling sad that I'm not enjoying either of them. Also currently win the award for most ratty wife on the planet. Feel like I'm firefighting and in a muddle, and that I should be getting into some sort of routine (I'm not a GF fan and like to breastfeed on demand, and I followed the Baby Whisperer's EASY routine quite successfully with DD1). Missing the special relationship I had with DD1 when it was just us. I'm using various coping strategies - leaning on my wonderful DH, getting out every day, using a sling, cbeebies (with tremendous guilt), DD1 at nursery 2 afternoons a week, lowering my standards re household chores etc etc... I know it will get easier - DD2 is a constant reminder of that - but I need some reassurance when things are really dire, which they are today!

oops - meant DD1 is a constant reminder of that - I'm yet to get to that point with DD2, as you can tell!

my gap between ds2 and dd is bigger than yours (23 months) and even that was really hard so i feel for you. dd is now 8 months old and although she's a terrible sleeper, it has definitely all got a lot easier. the first 6 months were really really hard work all the time. but it DOES get better.

just wanted to say I feel your pain, and my gap between kids is bigger than yours- 26 months. Now DD1 is 2.5 and DD2 is 14 weeks it is slowly getting easier. For example, DD2 will now sit in her bouncy chair for periods of time and be happy, she is starting to play with things on the playmat and can be left to her own devices for a little while so I can actually do stuff.

Any chance you could get a cleaner in? I have let household standards slip so much, and we're considering getting someone in maybe once a month just to blitz the whole house.

Also, you probably do this already, but things like getting lunch for DD1 ready the night before (get DH to make sandwiches for you all!), doing your supermarket shop online, and eating easy meals such as jacket spuds, fresh pasta and sauce etc. Basically cut down as much as you can on the non-essential jobs and concentrate on the kids.

Don't stress about routine and don't beat yourself up with guilt. The other day I realised DD had had cheese sandwiches in front of Cbeebies for both lunch and dinner 3 days in a row But you know what, at least she was happy and fed!

Oh, and make sure you get out every day if you can, at least you get time with the older one while the little one sleeps, it gets them away from the telly, and you can't mess up the house if you're not in it!

It is really hard...and it does get better. (Altho, we've gone to 3 now...and that's another story).

One thing that might help with the colick (and therefore everything else) is cutting out dairy from your diet - we discovered that with our 3rd (and in hindsight probably with our 1st) that if Mum consumed any dairy produce, then the baby got bad colick. Once dairy was cut, the colick disappeared. (And returned each time dairy was back in Mum's diet).

Also...don't believe that what worked with the first child will necessarily work in exactly the same way with the next!!

Bon courage!

I don't have any encouragement, OP, but a lot of sympathy. Our age gap is exactly the same but DD2 is only 5 days old. I find it SO hard that I can't be there 100% for DD1 anymore. And after a total of 8 hours of sleep over the whole of the last week, I can't help but rather resent DD2 at times. I hate these feelings.

BUT lots of people have told me that the first year is really tough with such a small age gap and then it really does get much better. A year seems like eternity at the moment (hell, a week seems like eternity) but I'm trying to cling on to a vision of the two DDs being very close in years to come.

Don't know if that helps particularly but wanted to send you lots of warm wishes anyway.

Lots of sympathy from me too - DD is 7 weeks old (today!) and DS is 20 months old.

I think the sleep deprivation makes it all so much worse. DD spends a lot of time in the sling so that I can get on with other stuff and inevitably falls asleep. Obviously this doesn't help her night time sleeping at all. Plus I worry that she's becoming reliant on sleeping on me instead of in her basket/cot.

I also used the Baby Whisperer with DS and haven't been able to make any progress with that this time round, as there's so much else to do. I've also guiltily been relying on Cbeebies.

I do remember the second month with DS as being the hardest part, what with the constant crying, etc, and I guess we're both right in the middle of that period.

I have told myself just to go with it this time, to know it will get better soon enough and just do my best until then.

Lots of sympathy. :)

I have 14 mobth gap between dd1 and 2, they are now 4.6 and 3.2.

like you say the first year was hard, the way i coped was to embrace the chaos! our house was a mess, the tv was on a lot, dd2 had no routine, she slotted into whatever caused least screaming. We were out all the time (i hope you have a good double, i will probably cry when i have to get rid of our phil and teds!} Toddler groups, friends and cafes saved my sanity. Dd2 never slept in her cot, she would sleep in the buggy during the day and in our bed at night, she was always cuddled to sleep.

Please let go of the guilt, dh would say to me, 'this will pass', on days where I just felt overwhelmed by it all,dh would come home and i'd go and lie on the bed and have a good cry or go for a walk with my mp3 player.

It is all so worth it, the girls are now so happy, they adore each other and spend half the time fighting and half the time cuddling. They entertain each other pretty much all day, and have learnt to share and be very caring of others.

It was tough, but you will get there. We now have ds, who is 13 weeks, the girls adore him, the chaos is back, scooby doo is on all the blooming time, but everyone is happy and fed and even dressed half the time!

btw, click on my profile and look at the last photo - as i say, chaos!

Awwww, Hazey, just clicked on your pictures, your kids are adorable! Can't wait for my little girls to grow up a bit now

It DOES get easier. Lower your standards for a while and grit your teeth!

Hazeyjane - that photo is fab!

17 months between my ds'. The first year was relentless, my house was a mess, the laundry was never-ending, I was exhausted.

Just grab whatever help you are offered, sleep whenever you can, make sure you eat well and regularly.

My evening saviour was to bath the babies as soon as ds 1 had eaten dinner then we'd sit in my bed with the tv on and a few books while I fed ds 2. When he fell asleep I could read to ds 1 which gave us a little bit of time until the hungry screamy baby woke up again.

It gets so much easier, by the time they are 3 and 2 you'll be realising that you did the right thing.