How much do you tell your kids?

[MuddyMessyMuddle]

..about negative realities of life? Eg my DD's friend's parents are divorcing and she has talked about it to me. She has also repeated what another friend told her about some domestic violence between her friend's relatives. She has also asked me questions about 'non ideal' circumstances within my side of the family.

I find myself reluctant to tell her anything about any of these types of things. DD is 7 and DS is 5. I feel I'm doing wrong by not talking about it at all but on the other hand I don't want her to worry about what I tell her and think it could happen to her. I don't want her to think that bad things are normal by talking about them too much, because I think that could make her more likely to accept bad treatment in her life. I don't want her to think the world is a horrible place where loads of bad things happen. And there are things about my family that other family members wouldn't want 'spread around' and you can't really trust children to keep secrets.

On the other hand I don't want the children to feel they can't talk to me about anything 'serious'.

Does anyone have any examples of how they've explained 'tricky' things in a 'child friendly' way to give me some ideas?

I think that you have to be honest with her and if she asks a question answer it. As long as you explain to her that things such as domestic violence are not the norm and reassure her that she is perfectly safe.

She needs to know that you will answer her questions honestly and that she can come to you with anything.

We had to explain the death of my parents to DD last year - within two weeks of each other. She was still very young (not quite three) but we were honest with her and explained that they were both old and very poorly. She is now four and has made the connection that they were my mum and dad and that mum and dad's do sometimes die. She asks the occassional question and DH and I just answer it honestly but reassuringly. One example, "Will you die Mummy?". I just told her that everybody dies sometime and that she didn't need to worry about that yet. She trusts me enough (hopefully) to believe me and as such accepted the answer.

HTH.