Too harsh with 10 yr old

[MeelooMouloo]

DS is 10 (11 in April), has lead quite a over-protected childhood due to illness & abusive ex-DH. Not very streetwise but very intelligent academically (G&T), NO commonsense.

Was chasing friend down the field yesterday, shouting (think they'd had a fall out) was watched by DH as wondered what was wrong - ran straight across the road without looking up to check it was clear. Road is notorious for bad driving as visibility isn't very far (it's quite winding) & used as cut through when main road is congested.

When DH asked why he hadn't stopped and looked like he's supposed to, knowing the dangers this lane poses he lied saying he had, even when DH pointed out he'd been watching him and knew that he hadn't.

As a result he has been grounded and lost all gaming priveleges (no DS, PSP, PS2, Internet - other than for homewrk) for a week.

My mum thinks I'm being harsh, says I lied to her all the time when little and she never grounded me etc. Pointed out its different now, I'm the parent and it's not the 1st time something like this has happened. He goes secondary school next yr which means he has to be streetwise enough to get himself the 3 miles to school and back every day inc. catching bus etc. Trying to instill bit of personal responsibility so won't be such a big shock.

Do you think I've acted too harshly??

Personally, I would not dole out longterm punishments for a lie that is not deliberately planned, but something blurted out on the spur of the moment by somebody who has just had the shock of realising that they have done something extremely stupid.

All the adults I know, let alone children, tell that kind of lie from time to time: I know I do myself. Not in a deliberate attempt to deceive but because I am caught off guard and my tongue is quicker than me.

So sorry, I think your Mum is right. Or do you feel you have grown up with permanent problems with honesty because of her laidbackness?

A severe telling off for dangerous traffic practice would be sufficient imo without posing it as a question.

Road safety is one ofthe big non-negotiables in our house, so I'd go for the big guns on something like that.

This is exactly what DS1 would do. Frankly, boys of that age do not think.

I also do not think boys under the age of 12 are capable of judging speed and distance even when they are thinking. We too are worried about DS walking to school on his own.

I would not ground him for more than a day. He told a stupid lie because he thought DH was angry wth him. I suspect DH and you were both frightened and upset at what he did (I would be) and you naturally over reacted. Better to explain to him why you were so upset and give him his privelleges back.

it's not the first time he has lied to cover stuff up and we have had the talks and small consequences now for past 12 mths.
Mum's laidbackness has made it easier for me to lie than tell the truth in fairness, so I feel that this trait may be something he's learnt from me :(

DH comes from VERY strict father (military man) so we often clash as I think he's too harsh and he thinks I'm too lenient. He has quite old fashioned views on discipline. Hasn't helped that this is his stepson and he still (after 4 yrs) feels a little uncomfortable with the boundaries of their relationship. All very complex.

I've got a ds who is exactly the same... he'll be 11 next month.
Road safety is the one thing that's totally non negotiable so I would come down harsh as well... infact the lying / danger combo means I would probably ground as well.
Stick with it meeloo..