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Parenting

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Original poster

God, the guilt, the guilt!

13 replies

snafu · 05/09/2005 10:15

Have just dropped ds at his childminder's. Oh, the screaming! The yelling! The little crumpled, pleading, tearstained face!

I know he'll be fine, he'll probably have settled down as soon as I shut the door, he'll have a whale of a time at the farm they're visiting today...so why do I feel like seven kinds of crap?

It's only the fourth time I've left him with her and he always comes back grinning from ear to ear - tell me the dropping-off part gets better, please?

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anorak · 05/09/2005 10:17

Of course it gets better. Don't feel guilty - my ds got far more attention from his childminder than he got from me. He loved it there.

And you'll be a better mum for having a little time to do other things.

bobbybob · 05/09/2005 10:18

He does it for your benefit. Do you settle him into a game, or is he beyond that?

My ds just runs in and completely blanks me - hate that too.

Maybe we just feel crap whatever they do.

Original poster

snafu · 05/09/2005 10:23

I think maybe he got a bit overwhelmed today because there were lots of them there. The c/m has her kids off school still and she also has a friend who is a c/m and they join forces sometimes, like today, for trips out etc. And of course he is the youngest (2years), so all the older girls flock to him as soon as he walks in the door. It's a bit of a change from our rather quiet household - but that's what I want for him

Am fighting the urge to phone and just check he's settled but don't want to be paranoid mummy... She'd call me anyway if there was a problem, I'm sure.

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crumpet · 05/09/2005 10:27

Can I just say that I read this as "God, the quilt, the quilt!"

It's horrible when they cry - my mother feels sorry for dd having to go to nursery (understands that I have to work etc etc but still...), so on the occassions she has been with me when dd pulls this one, I have to leave the nursery feeling crap, and then have to contend with a tearful grandmother in the car too.

I have before now been caught bending down to look though a tiny hole in the fence to check dd has stopped - very undignified

rubles · 05/09/2005 10:27

There's no chance you could get his dad to do the drop off is there? Just a thought as that is what I planned from the beginning to avoid this so I have the best bit of picking her up.

anniebear · 05/09/2005 11:04

I used to child mind and I can honestly say, any child that cried stopped as soon as Mum or Dad had shut the front door.

They like to make you feel bad!!!!

I used to tell some parents to stand quietly outside the door and listen, so they would know that their child did stop quickly!!

edam · 05/09/2005 11:17

Don't fight the urge to phone - it's OK! Your childminder won't object (no decent childminder would, anyway). And it WILL reassure you.

chipmonkey · 05/09/2005 12:07

My sister used to look after a little boy who would howl, " Mammy, don't gooooo, don't goooooo! in the most hearbreakind way, but would stop, the second she was out the door! They like to tug on the old heartstings! Phone, though, its a perfectly reasonable thing to do!

aloha · 05/09/2005 12:11

My ds used to cry when he went to nursery (not now, thank God) and I know he wasn't doing it to make me feel bad. He was doing it because at that moment separation felt very painful and upsetting and children live in the moment. Just because they are happy very soon afterwards does not mean IMO that they aren't very sad to see you go. Of course, this temporary sadness does not mean that you should never leave them either.

ssd · 06/09/2005 10:23

I'm a childminder and have worked as a nanny and I can assure you the crying stops almost as soon as mummy's gone and they've started playing......

I know it's easy for me to say that, I feel awful leaving my 2, in fact I'm hopeless at it!!!

acnebride · 06/09/2005 10:34

The crying. The hell. The 5am budget calculation marathons trying to work out if an evening job would do it.

Then this morning ds looked positively happy to see me go (having missed his nanny during our holiday) and I felt a bit lost!

So feel for you.

marthamoo · 06/09/2005 10:37

Well...my ds1 is 8, started in Year 4 this morning and when we were standing waiting to go in I looked at him and his eyes were full of tears (not cool when you're 8 - and I couldn't even give him a hug as that's not cool either) He cried last night too - doesn't hate school, just prefers being at home.

I felt rather weepy too seeing him so sad, even though I know by 11am he'll feel like he was never away.

So - it does and it doesn't (get easier!) but at least he doesn't cling on to my ankles screaming any more.

magnolia1 · 06/09/2005 21:08

Awwww marthamoo, I do know how you feel
My 10 year old still gets upset going if she is in a bad mood!!

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