Second time parent and struggling

[peanutpie]

My second baby was born 6 weeks ago and I have a 3 1/2 son. I found being first time Mum super stressful (for about two years!) and I was really hoping that I would feel better this time. I don't at all. I feel just as anxious and yuk as last time.

I'm just about OK with the two kids in the house and doing the nursery run but taking the two out anywhere else seems impossible! It's like I can only concentrate on one child at once.

I feel really dissapointed wih myself that I am finding this so hard. Other friends have talked about how much better they found things second time around and I hoped that would be me too.

I feel like I can't 'read' my daughter at all. I don't know whether she needs to sleep, eat or be winded half the time. I feel like my son was much my straight forward when he was this small, he supped down a full bottle and then went to sleep. My baby daughter seems much more gripey and unsettled and seems to snack a lot more (she's bottlefed as well). I HATE feeling like I don't know what to do with her as it really undermines my confidence and I don't want to take her out.

Please tell me this gets better! I've been taking antideps for about three weeks now for Post natal depression. I'm not crying like I did at the start but I still feel really anxious and out of sorts.

It gets better. It does.

I had dd2 when dd1 was about the same age as your son, and by the time dd2 was 6 weeks old I was convinced I had made a terrible mistake. I was very anxious and tearful. 6 weeks was the absolute low point for me. After that it got better and better, and by the time she was about 7 months old she was such a joy to have around that I couldn't imagine being without her.

Two years on, she is such a bundle of delight and the two of them adore each other.

Hang in there, you're at the hardest point right now.

It really does get better. Honestly. I know its impossible to believe, but it does and looking back time will fly (even if it feels like treacle at the moment).

6 weeks is still really itty bitty. You possibly can't read all their cues as well as you can with your first as you are still looking after DC1 - I know I didn't, just muddled along and tried not to give myself such a hard time as with DC1 when things went tits up (as they often did!). Its not really such a bad thing - it sometimes ends up that they're a bit more easy going as they need to be because you're more distracted. But there are lots of 2nd children around that are perfectly happy and well-adjusted!

I remember with DS2 I kinda was in an overwhelmed trying to cope slightly manic phase when he was a newborn - and he was a very easy baby all in all.

With 2nd babies I found you really do try and keep up the supermum bit of being there for DC1 and doing your best for DC2 - exhausting! It will get better as you all get into a natural rhythm of it. Honestly, honestly. Plus the ADs probably won't take full effect for another few weeks - so until then calm, deep breathing and repeat the mantra 'I am a good mother...this too shall pass!'

i'm with you...ds 8 weeks dd 2.8 and just had another terrible day which will merge into another sleepless night. i'm exhausted and tearful and really not enjoying it at all. yes, let's hope this too shall pass, very quickly!!!