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Is it normal to find parenting this hard?

25 replies

Gangle · 16/09/2010 04:24

I'm on maternity leave and looking after DS2, 6 months, and DS1, 2.6, full time. DS1 goes to nursery two mornings a week. I am finding it really really hard going and have days when I am frequently in tears, today being one of them because I couldn't get DS2 to nap. I had been up since 5.30 am and on and off during the night because DS1 was in our bed and so tired and in desperate need of a nap but couldn't have one. I feel so bad for crying in front of my children. Both DSs are gorgeous but quite high maintenance. DS2 doesn't nap during the day and wants to be held ALL time or he cries. I get so stressed when there is a background of constant crying! DS1 is lovely but very very clingy and terrible at settling to sleep. Trying to settle him into nursery but he is taking time to get used to it and cries and cries when I leave which makes me feel awful, especially as I am at home with DS2 and so could have DS1 with me too. I seem to have no time for anything, to cook, to shower, to make phone calls, to look in the mirror and see how awful I look! DH helps out with bathtime for DS1 and may take DS1 for an hour or two at the weekend but other than that there is no let up. There are numerous issues with our relationship which I won't go into here but a separation is possibly on the cards and that isn't helping. The situation also isn't helped by the fact that I am in the US for a few months due to DH's job and so have no support network or friends I can talk to. I'm sure all of these feelings are normal but I just feel completely overwhelmed and that I'm being a rubbish mother as the children will surely pick up on all the stress I am feeling. I also feel horribly guilty that I'm not appreciative of having two beautiful healthy children. I'm sure all of this is normal and that I should just shut up and get on with it but does anyone else feel the same and, if so, how do you cope? Starting to wonder if I'm slightly depressed. Have lost a lot of weight and hair falling out but all normal after childbirth I guess . . .

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nomedoit · 16/09/2010 04:34

I think you sound depressed. I'm so sorry you are going through this. No, you are not a bad mother! Children just need to feel loved and I'm sure that yours do. I think you should see your GP asap. Please don't struggle on. Depression and sleep deprivation is going to make you feel terrible.

Where are you in the US? You could try a 'Mom's Club' branch to meet people. Also, the United Methodist Church does a lot of work to help people in the community. They would help you with practical things. You don't have to be a member.

Whatever the state of the relationship, your DH has to do more to help at the weekends and evenings. An hour or two with one child? Come on! He's the father. You need a break.

During the week can you afford some help in the home? It sounds like you really, really need some help. I used Craigslist to find my fantastic nursing-student babysitters. American girls will generally muck-in and help around the house, too. You sound overwhelmed, understandably so.

Please don't beat yourself up. You need to get some help!

youknowmeasharimo · 16/09/2010 04:38

Hi there,

I have been up since 1am... DD was up, then DS was up and now - even though both of them are back in bed (though DS not asleep) I'm on the PC... I enjoy the moments of silence Grin

Mine are 1.1YO and 2.3YO, and I'm on my own with the them all week and I just don't think it's possible to explain how tough it can be.

I'm also in a location which means I get no family support whatsoever... so I know how you feel, I really do. My DH simply isn't here to help, but when he is about, he only ever really takes 1 of the kids, and I think that's such a different proposition.

So, I am sorrry I don't have any better advice, but I think the way you feel is pretty normal....

For me, DS is impossible to leave with anyone... refuses to go to nursery (makes himself sick to get out of it!) so I have worked out a nanny share scheme... I get (in total) 2 full days, but I use it to spend time with 1 child (IYSWIM) but I do get to go to a gym class once a week which I am loving!!!

My gut feeling is that I love being with my kids more than anything else and I do... I wouldn't change not being with them, but I would love to be closer to family (something my DH, thankfully, is supportive of) and I do often end up in tears (less so now though... I was terrible up until DD was about 9MO and looking back on that time, it wasn't great)

I don't know if all of my ramblings are of any help, but hopefully a little support to know you aren't alone Smile

Gangle · 16/09/2010 04:40

thanks nomdoit. DH won't do more - it's the source of many arguments and I've given up asking. Galling as he lays in bed asleep every morning, including weekends, until he feels like getting up, usually gone 8. Never says, you stay in bed for a change. How do other mums cope though, especially those with twins and more than 2? I'm generally not phased by hard work but am finding it so hard to be upbeat and positive when around the children. Am trying to get some help at home but just seems really hard to find people here, plus I have very little time to look. Agree that just getting someone for a morning would make a big difference. Thanks again.

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youknowmeasharimo · 16/09/2010 04:41

Sorry, meant to add... I think once your LO gets a little bit older, you will find it a lot easier.

Once my DD got to ~9MO, things got much easier... and now DS and DD are much more similar and can play together.

youknowmeasharimo · 16/09/2010 04:43

Sorry,,, just need to check... does your DH work? I was assuming that the lack of interaction / support was because he was at work?

If that's not the case, then that's really going to add to your unhappiness, because you shouldn't be doing this alone if you are both at home.

Gangle · 16/09/2010 04:46

youknow, that is so helpful and reassuring to hear you feel similarly. I too love both boys more than anything and love being with them but at the same time find it impossibly hard. As Oscar Wilde said, it's the best of times and the worst of times! It really is the hardest job ever. Interesting to read about your 2 year old - mine sounds very similar. What did you do about nursery in the end? And totally agree about needing some 'me" time on the PC - think I really would go bonkers without it!

OP posts:
Gangle · 16/09/2010 04:46

yes, he works.

OP posts:
nomedoit · 16/09/2010 04:48

I'm shocked at your DH! I would want to go to Walmart, buy a gun and shoot him! Any mother totally on their own as you are finds it hard imo. It's not you! I have one DD at home aged 3 and by the time the evening comes I am desperate for DH to get home and take over! We split the weekends up too.

I would try Craiglist because so many students use it. You could post in the nursing or teaching sections. Both my babysitters were doing Masters degrees. Create an email account just for your ad. Don't put on your phone number and tell them you won't open resume attachments. Ask them to send an email with details of their childcare experience, availability and specify that they must be "CPR-First Aid" certified. That will sort out the losers, hopefully!

youknowmeasharimo · 16/09/2010 04:55

We stopped nursery. It wasn't doing anyone any good. DS was so upset and I was anxious before I'd even dropped him off Sad

We go to a lovely nursery now, but I stay with them. He is getting much better at interacting with other kids, I just sit in the corner of the room and 'go to the loo' alot Grin We've only got to about 5 minutes up to now, but he's getting a lot better.

I am NOT looking forward to school at all though!!

Ironically, though, outside he is a different child - put him in the middle of a forest, or on a deserted beach or top of a mountain and he is FEARLESS... So much so, that I am currently reconsidering schooling for him... the one we had chosen just seem utterly inappropriate... he needs to be in the wilds, running through trees!!

My DH is away 5 days a week, so his abscence bothers me less... me, DS and DD (and Ddog) are a little team now Grin

youknowmeasharimo · 16/09/2010 04:58

Can you actually buy guns at Walmart Shock

nomedoit · 16/09/2010 05:01

Oh yes. Rifles, shotguns, the lot plus ammunition. They have a big hunting section.

youknowmeasharimo · 16/09/2010 05:02

really? whereabouts in the Us are you?

I live in small town suburbia UK!!

yosushi · 16/09/2010 05:06

OP - it is probably the busiest time of your life and so it is totally understandable. So sorry about your husband.

Sleep deprivation is so so so so hard.

I hope you can find someone to help you out, and I am sure that will relieve some of the pressure.

nomedoit · 16/09/2010 05:16

Midwest. But all Walmarts sell them I think.

youknowmeasharimo · 16/09/2010 05:22

Midwest is probably 10 larger than the whole of the UK Grin. Gun laws in the Uk are pretty strict... I would have no clue where you would go to buy a gun...

OP - sorry if this is a bit of a hijack... but please know there are others who can empathise with your situation and we are always here to chat - even if we can't offer much more practical support...

NickOfTime · 16/09/2010 05:59

gangle, sweetheart, next time your dh is lying in his pit 'resting' until gone 8, dump both children on the bed and leave the house for an hour. go and grab yourself a coffee and a bagel somewhere.

he needs a wake-up call, and he needs one fast.

does he work weekends? if not, find a friend and take the little one with you (if bf) and leave the toddler with him to bond for a day or two.

no-one will die, and he might even discover he's actually a parent instead of a single bachelor who happens to live with a mother and two children.

no, you're not alone. being a mum to two tinies without support is the hardest thing in the world - mental illness highest in this demographic for good reason.

but get a grip of your husband, lady. it's easier to do as a team.

another tip is to leave him with the dc's for half an hour when he walks in the door of an evening. take yourself for twenty minutes fresh air without being responsible for two other lives. jog? walk? go to the shop for a jug of milk, whatever.

and just be nice to yourself - if you need to all snuggle up in a duvet with the tv on in the afternoon, do it. (dd1 didn't sleep during the day at all and she drove me nuts)

but please, please, sort that man out.

you can see the doc about antidepressants etc, but tbh life would be much more bearable if you thought you had someone watching your back.

nomedoit · 16/09/2010 12:44

Just to second nickoftime. I know you've had a lot of rows about this but maybe you just have to walk out of the door as she says and leave your DH to it. He will cope! He sounds like a selfish twat to be honest....

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 16/09/2010 12:59

If you are going to have a row you might as well have it after you have had an hour to yourself in a coffee shop with a good book.

nomedoit · 16/09/2010 13:03

Libra Grin

To the OP, you really shouldn't have too much trouble getting some paid help during the week the more I think about it. Virtually all students in the US work and in my experience they love a job which has flexible hours. Lots of Moms (!) are looking for work while their children are at school. If you pay $10.00 per hour in my area you will have a lot of good applicants. It would be more in LA/NY type areas, obviously.

dinkystinky · 16/09/2010 13:04

OP - yup totally normal - especially when they're both so little (and you're still adjusting to dealing with 2). Look for ex au pairs for paid help during the week.

zozzle · 17/09/2010 09:55

HomeStart offer a great service if you are struggling. And you can self-refer. They have volunteers that could help one morning or so a week.

www.home-start.org.uk/homepage

You're a great mum! Be kind to yourself.

zozzle · 17/09/2010 09:56

BTW I'm pretty sure HomeStart is a free service.

NickOfTime · 17/09/2010 15:38

home start is a uk service - the op is in the us.

home start is free, and brilliant, but not relevant in this case. there may be similar us programs, but not aware of any.

fairylights · 17/09/2010 15:52

OP - so sorry for your situation and although I guess on one level it is entirely normal to feel so totally strung out at this point in your life as a parent, just keep an eye on yourself (if thats possible?!) for tipping into depression..
I second everyone who says you should try and get some help if you can possibly afford to.
we have just done a long distance move to a place where I know no one and with no family near and although its challenging my dc are a bit older (nearly 4 and a 13mo) so i think its just that bit easier as they at least sleep (well most of the time!) But my DH is a rock of support and does as much as he possibly can to help out when not at work. But even so, I know there are days when I would like to crawl into a cupboard and have a good weep...
I am assuming your DH is the dad of your kids? If he is then he really really has to take responsibility for the 2 children that he equally brought into the world..
I do think you need to just leave him with them and MAKE him cope - unless there is some reason you think its not safe to?
Anyway, just wanted to offer support and say that you're not alone - keep talking to us if no one else! Smile

fairylights · 19/09/2010 08:59

how are you doing gangle?
thinking of you x

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