Contraception for girls under 16

[subrosablonde]

I'm a 64-year-old blogger and not yet a grandmother, although I live in hope!

This morning I wrote about the Isle of Wight's Primary Healthcare Trust deciding to offer girls, from the age of 13 to 25, the Pill without a doctor's prescription.

This really does concern me because other areas of the UK may decide to roll this out and I feel that we're letting our female children down badly by taking this action.

If you'd like to read my post it's here: subrosa-blonde.blogspot.com/2010/09/sinking-to-new-low.html

It would be super if some of you allowed me to publish your opinions but I certainly won't do it without your written permission. My readership is from far and wide although the majority is 45+ and male. You will see from some of the comments that men are angry too but they see this as a woman's problem.

Thanks so much for reading this.

You're the same age as my mum.

Which would mean that your children are probably around the same age as me.

Just to pick up one point, what do you mean by "My own children didn't have sex education at school until they were in 4th/5th year" do you mean 4/5th year of secondary school, or 4/5th year of their education?

Exactly, ant! The idea that sex is a disgrace, shameful, dirty. It's a normal bodily function.

And yes, my 7-year-old knows how babies are made and rudimentary male and female anatomy.

That the act required to making a baby should be between two adults, but sometimes people can make mistakes with it, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or shameful or a disgrace.

Good grief!

Oh, she also knows that some children have two dads, two mums or two mums and two dads, even.

I don't want my children living in a world where they consider any form of love between people as anything other than a blessing.

So you;d like to go back to the days when rape victims committed suicide rather than tell anyone they were pregnant, would you? Fancy bringing back the days of back alley abortions with coathangers, forced adoptions and the locking up of young girls in mental instituations for 'moral feeblemindedness'?Quite often men who want to restrict their daughters' access to sex education don't want their daughters finding out that Daddy shouldn't be fiddling with them every night. People who are obsessed with stopping other people from having sex are always sexually dysfunctional themselves, as well as being stupid and mean-minded.

I'm a practice nurse with a Contraception and Sexual Health qualification.

I can issue prescriptions for the pill (as well as other contraceptives) under a Patient Group Directive, so not all the women I see will see a GP for a prescription.

I don't just have a girl walk into my room, ask for the pill and I hand her a prescription you know. I do a full and confidential assessment that encompasses her medical history, her family's medical history, her social situation, her sexual health, her emotional health and wellbeing and her risk of harm and abuse.

Only when all criteria are satisfied will I issue a prescription. Better that a young woman is safe, healthy and not unwillingly pregnant than alone, afraid and expecting a baby she doesn't want.

'The best contraception is a high sense of self-esteem and self-respect, in an enviroment of good prospects and a decent future.'

Could not agree more if I went round with that written on my forehead expat.

I had my first DC when I was a teenager. I have loved him from the moment he was born and I never ever regret my decision to have him.

I am sure as sure can be that the reason I was pregnant at 18 instead of when I was an actual responsible mature adult was precisly because of attitues like the OP's.

I went to a religious school. We had no sex education and no information about access to contraception. Sex was not discussed and we were not encouraged to feel comfortable talking about it. SOme of us knew about condoms and that you could buy them in shops. Most of us were far to embarassed to buy them, or even to discuss contraception with those we were sleeping with. Hence a lot of us ended up pregnant, and a lot of girls in my very posh religious all girls school ended up having secret abortions their parents didn't know about.

I am glad my children are growing up at a time when talking about sex and contraception is much more normal, so that they have not only the information but also - crucially- the confidence to use that information to protect themselves.

We have put condoms in our bathroom cupboard for the kids to just take and use when the time comes! They are all young now so we don't expect them to be using them now, but we wanted to establish 'here are the condoms for everyone to use' before we got ot the awkward teenager stage.

Why OP did you need to 'pluck up the courage' to talk to your kids about this?

Highland, Expat et al

Agree with everything you say. I never had the 'sex talk', I was never comfortable discussing anything personal with my parents.

My mother actually believes I was a virgin until I left home - and hopes until I got married at 21.

In reality I was 14 and by the time I was 18 I had lost count.....

My teen daliences (sp?) resulted in 2 pregnancies and other more serious reproductive complications. I never had the courage to go to the doctor, and certainly couldn't buy condoms.

I am the total opposite with my DD. I answer every question as factually as possible and will carry on doing so as she gets older. At the age of 5 she is aware that I have a 'stick' in my arm that will stop me having any more babies, and that I could take it out if I changed my mind.

OP - I could never support your views, I'm sorry, and I dont wish to sound rude, but views like yours will make the problems worse - never better. You are at best misguided and at worst dangerous.

Whilst I have a similar attitude to highland I have to say I wont be supplying the condoms.

I have told my ds that sex in a loving relationship is the glue that binds a relationship together.

I have told them that for the most part sex = babies and once a baby arrives you are tied forever to the mother of your child -im not saying I would force them to marry -im saying that woman and our grandchild are then our family so they have to bear this in mind.

I have told them that sex is special and freely given it means nothing to all mums of young girls im sorry to say ive told my ds that a girl that says yes straight away will probably say yes to all their friends too .....likewise boys that sleep around run the risk of illness and a 'poor reputation' when they finally meet the woman they will spend their lives with to be aware her Dad doesnt want to know youve slept with all the daughters of the men in his dart team.

I think ive taught my dc respect,respect to themselves their feelings their sexual health,esteem and most of all respect for women.

Without this respect what will we have?

So i wont be buying the condoms if they are old enough to have sex they are old enough to take responsibility of contraception- there is a limit to the handholding we can be expected to do.

Nickschick, you haven't taught your DC 'respect' for women at all, you've taught them that women are either sluts or saints.
WHich is ignorant and contemptible.

'for the most part sex = babies' - no it doesn't!
I've had sex thousands of times and I've only been pregnant 4 times!!

Also if you have lesbian sex you can't get pregnant no matter where you are in your cycle! [grin'

not [grin'...distracted by unclean thoughts.

I will not only supply condoms but also make sure they know how to use them properly.

Some people don't need to use sex as a weapon to prove their self-worth, their sense of worth and respect is in that they embark on sex for themselves and their pleasure as well as that of their partner(s).

I had lots of sex because I found it fun and relaxing, an enjoyable thing. That is and was no more or less true whether I was in a monogamous relationship than when I was not.

Some find this with one person and one only. Others with several. Still others with lots. And some with people of both genders.

No one path is more righteous than another, IMO.

That's what I teach my children.

I want them to have open minds so that they feel comfortable with themselves, no matter who they are and where they are in their lives.

only read the OP , forgive me, will read the rest, but am hooting with laughter at the notion of a 25 year old being a girl who needs protecting from herself !!! I was married with a baby at that age.

i think that making contraception difficult or dirty or shady makes teen pregnancy even more likely and that worries me far more than them not getting contraception,

mind you, i think the pill and condoms should be given , the pill won't protect you against clamydia etc

i know without reading the rest, that whatever expat says, i agree with !

I've also had loads of sex and only been pregnant 4 times, all 4 times within my marriage.

Was on the Pill at 15 but also always practiced safe sex.

Never had an STI.

Now that DH is sterilised, I use the NuvaRing and will continue to do so even after he gets the all-clear.

Sex doesn't always have to include vaginal penetration with the penis, as Highland pointed out.

Nothing wrong with sex. It's not dirty, or wrong, or shameful. There is nothing wrong with sex for its own sake, with different people, as long as it is freely done. I will be teaching my children that they should only sleep with someone if they really want to, if they are doing it for the right reasons and are honest with the other party. I would prefer them to lose their virginities within a relationship and be over 16 because I want them to be taken care of emotionally, but once they are strong enough to take what life gives, I would have no problem with them having one, or none, or many partners.

I will not teach my 14 year olds that they must not have sex. I will talk to them about the possible consequences of having sex and urge them to wait a while. I will not treat my girl (if she exists) differently to my boy. I will encourage all my children to be respectful and responsible.

Subrosa blonde, I know you mean well so I won't go into your motivations but I am a recent mum. Before that I managed to leave school with A'levels (and no baby) and followed up with a university degree. I come from a leafy middleclass respectable suburb where you would think butter wouldn't melt.

I don't intend to go into great detail. However, I (and all my sisters) were knocked about for years by our dad. He taught all of us from pre-teens that if we ever got pregnant, he would kill us and go to prison proud. His phrase. And no we aren't from an ethnic minority, we're good old anglo-saxon.

Now, from your comfy, soon-to-a-grandmother armchair, explain to me what would have happened if any of us had got pregnant. Imagine the fear of a 13 year old girl who literally has nowhere else to turn because her own mother has taken one too many punches to stand up for her.

And this wasn't in the 50's or 60's it was in the 80's. I don't doubt it still goes on. So please don't interfere. Those services are offered because there are occasions when they are genuinely needed.

And please feel free to publish!

Eh? I got the pill at age 16 (and could have done from 13 onwards without my parents being notified) from a family planning clinic, yes I saw a doctor, but only very briefly, and if I am being very honest she was a very soft-spoken Indian lady with an accent which was difficult to understand and I just nodded to everything she said because I was too polite to admit that I hadn't heard her properly. The main part of the meeting was with a jolly "aunty" type lady who went through the way it worked and any contraindications etc.

I'm sure that parents don't just not teach their children about sex any more because it's taught in schools, what a ridiculous idea. Probably the ones who don't bother to talk to their children about it wouldn't have done anyway and THEN where would they be?

OP
Distributing the Pill like smarties will only encourage these young girls to have sex and, as we know, when a female takes the Pill many couples don't feel the need to use condoms.

Distributing contraception does not encourage young people to have sex. Believe me. There are certain teenagers who will not uise/insist on condoms whether they are protected against pregnancy or not. These teens will continue to have sex, whether they can access hormonal contraception or not, and will probably do it without condoms. We need to help them reduce pregnancies AND STIs. Witholding HBC only leads to more underage pregnancies.

Yes, the ridiculous idea that providing sex education and/or contraception will encourage people to have sex. Right up there with the idea that educating them about homosexuality will make them gay.

No I havent taught them that females are either sluts or saints ive taught them to respect women and their wishes and if their gf wasnt wanting a sexual relationship to respect that ...i think ive either worded it wrongly or youve misunderstood what I meant.

I do however still argue that sex makes babies and unless you are protected you will bear the consequences of it.

Nickschick - telling your boys that a girl who says yes to them will say yes to all their friends is not teaching them respect for women. It;s teaching them that some girls are 'sluts' and bad, and that they should only want sex with a girl who, er, says 'no' to them.

No i said this......''ive told my ds that a girl that says yes straight away will probably say yes to all their friends too ...'' .....a girl that says yes straight away and those 2 words make all the difference.

And no it isnt saying they should only want sex with girls that say no its about building a friendship a relationship and a respected mutual love THEN sharing the act of sex.

My sons and I would imagine mums of daughters would agree that their daughters are worth far more than a 5 minute fumble in the park.