what language to reply in

[DiamondsRaGirlsBestfriend]

I am a bit confused what to do in this situation and wondered if anyone had any suggestions.....

My DH is meant to be speaking Spanish to our DD, I speak English (we live in the UK). It tends to be that he speaks mostly English when I am around and Spanish when he looks after her when I'm not there (which he does one week day) and when we are at in laws (prob once a fortnight).

Her English (unsurprising) is much better she's reg combining 2 words and has a vocab of 100 + words. However she is using some single words in Spanish. When she uses these with me and he's not here I'm not sure how to react e.g. today she said mono (monkey)- I replied 'yes monkey' , but then hesitated cos it felt like I was 'correcting' her (and I want to be encouraging her Spanish esp as her English is so much better. But at the same time I don't want to confuse her (thinking about the whole one parent one language thing.)

Does anyone have any ideas/ similar experiences????

My family is bilingual too.
I speak English and my DH speaks Japanese.
Between ourselves we speak a mixture, but English is the dominant language.
As a rule, I only speak to our children in English regardless of what language they speak to me in. My DH only speaks to them in Japanese regardless of what language they use.
Of course, when they ask me questions about Japanese, I answer and I occasionally use it with them when we are with Japanese family or friends.
You need to ask your DH to be more consistent in his Spanish usage, even when you are around. He needs to use it as much as possible or your DD will not pick it up. We have really found the gap between our DD's English and Japanese ability growing rapidly due to the different levels of exposure.

Experts do say one language one parent, but that doesn't mean that you can't help in Spanish as well. English will be a dominant language if you and DH speak English together, and the advice given for supporting a "minority" language (Spanish in this case) is to swing towards having more Spanish than English spoken with her. Have you got Spanish DVD's and nursery rhymes for her? Even if you don't speak Spanish yourself, if she sees you encouraging and priaising her effort in Spanish it will benefit her greatly.
Also, the advice we give to Welsh/English bilinguals is that some children know instinctivly to use ( in you case) English with mum/ Spanish with dad. Other children might take until they are 3 or 4 to realise that they have two languages going on. Until then, they tend to use the rules of one language and use it for the other. How clever is that? It's all part of the learning process and it good that she can explore both languages.
Have you had a look at Bilingualbabies.org?
Your DD is so lucky to have this amazing start :)

We live in France and my husband is an english-speaker.
I noticed quite early on that if I only talked to DD in French, my DH speaking English to her would not be enough for her to learn the language to a good-enough level.

So I actually alternate the languages.
I was concerned for a while as this goes against the "One person, one language theory" but I discussed this with quite a few bilingual, and trilingual friends who reassured me their parents spoke to them in various languages and it didn't damage them.
So I am just following my instincts.

I've had a similar approach to Brigitte and agree absolutely with Pwsimerimew about helping a child, even if it does seem to go against the rules. Mine knew very early that there were two languages: not a Mummy and Daddy language, but Swedish and English- because we talked about it. They also learnt early, from trips, that most people in Sweden only spoke Swedish and most people in England only spoke English- the special thing about Mum and Dad was that we spoke both, and that was what they were meant to do too. Ds (now 10) is the one who has found it slightly more difficult to get his head round two languages and two identities, but even so during a recent visit to Sweden, my family were all agreed that nobody could hear that he has not grown up in Sweden.

I don't think the main danger is confusion (a little linguistic confusion in the early years is perfectly normal for monolingual children too). The main danger is if a parents gradually starts using the minority language less and less because it seems to much of a hassle. As Ruth says, exposure is crucial. And different voices are important imo- try to holiday in Spanish speaking countries if you can, buy books and CDs and DVDs, see if you can find Spanish speaking playmates.

My advice would be to do what you're doing. If you're worried about being seen as correcting, say, "yes, daddy says "mono", mummy says "monkey"" or even, "what does mummy say?"

However, if you DO want to use OPOL (which, as Cory demonstrates, is not at all the only choice), your husband needs to be much more consistent and keep to his side of the bargain. It's called OPOL for a reason!

Hi thanks for replies,

I've been away from MN for a bit so sorry not got back to you sooner. Its great to hear that OPOL does necessarily have to be stuck to rigidly. I like the idea of saying mummy says...... papa says ...... if she does mix. I tried it today and it feels 'natural' whilst helping to encourage Spanish but mainly sticking to my native language.

What other approaches are there MIFLAW?? Sorry to seem naive but kinda bit new to the theory of all this. Guess we chose this as this is what DH family used when he was growing up -MIL is English and FIL is Spanish, DH grew up mainly in Spain (we are not which is why we were worrying a little bot the lack of Spanish). Unfortunately my Spanish is rubbish - I am trying to learn from books / learn from DH at same time as DD but am not getting far.

Def agree that DH needs to speak more Spanish but don't want to nag him (I have shown him this thread ). I think deep down he is aware of this too -it was his idea to 'be bilingual' with DD and he feels very strongly about his culture/ language (think fear of her not being able to speak Spanish should motivate him! )

Thanks for all the tips/advice/encouragement

I'm an OPOL Nazi so probably not the best person to advise on other methods - Cory is perfect for that, she has made other methods work over two generations!

But I think the basics are, one parent one language; one place one language (often used when both parents are immigrants from same background, eg Bengali in the home and at Auntie's house, English outside, at school, etc.); a combination of the two (e.g. when the parents have different langs and live in a community with a third language, so in house it's Mum German, Dad French, and in the street it's everyone English); or just relying on your children's natural intelligence and using whichever language you like when you like.

Cory - what have I missed?

I agree with miflaw except about the 'nazi' bit .
I agree with OPOL but it needs to be done with humour and a lot of allowances for the other language and always conscious of the fact that you might at times 'alienate' your child from their peers. So, you must be prepared to get off your high linguistic horse now and again. From a very early age, make your child aware of the 2 languages and ask them to 'translate' for you. If they say something in the 'other' language, acknowledge this in a lighthearted manner and mention the 'right' way of saying it. Never forget that language is something you feel inside so the last thing you want is for it to become a chore. HTH

Absolutely right, AAAA - I am only a Nazi with regards to my own usage - if Junior doesn't know something, of course I help her out! I just don't switch into English myself to do it.

The most useful tactic has been, "oui - maman dit "trousers", que dit papa?"

(I am papa, btw.)

Well since my little nagging sess/ showing DH your posts he has upped the amount of Spanish, which has been fab - DD is picking up more Spanish words even in the short time we are being consistent- which he has noticed too and I think this in turn is encouraging him to speak more Spanish

FIL is on a trip to Spain this weekend so have put in a request for some kids DVDs/CDs for Xmas presents - so got the Spanish TV angle covered too! I'm no the look out for Spanish playgroups but our area isn't very multi cultural so no joy yet.

Its great to hear from other ppl who are doing the bilingual thing and I def feel more confident about being more relaxed with OPOL

AAAA- love the name.

Thanks everyone for the tips

Hi, read this thread with interest. I am English, DH is German and we are bringing our LOs to be bilingual. We are "flexible OPOL-ers", ie most of the time DH speaks in German to them and I speak English.

However, we noticed that DD (4.5 yrs old) had a strong preference for speaking English even when we were in Germany (DS is only 10 wks, so not saying much just yet! ). To the extent that when we told her she had to speak to the German relatives in German, she just refused to speak to anyone except me! We had a quick rethink and now I have to speak in German too when we are in Germany, which seriously stretches my German to its limit! She also spent a week at Easter in Germany with DH when I stayed in UK. it doesn't sound much, but it helped enormously, and her German is pretty much as good as her English now.

I agree with MIFLAW and AAAA about saying, "Mummy says X, Daddy says Y", or saying, "that's right, it is X in English, and what is it in German?" Keep it quite lighthearted though and don't get too stressed about your DD speaking the "wrong" language at any given time - she will gradually begin to filter which language should be used when... and in the meantime it can be very useful to mix the languages - being able to tell her on her first day at school not to eat her "popel" (bogies!) springs to mind!!