How can I stop my MIL feeding my daughter loads of highly fattening foods when she's already overweight???

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I posted on here a while back about putting my 5.5 year old daughter on a bit of a diet/healthy eating plan.
She is doing really well and will now eat vedgetables, loads of fruit and hasn't asked for crisps etc at home at all. We don't have it in the house any more.
The problem is, I work 3 nights a week and she has to be looked after by my mother in law when I'm sleeping. I've explained to her that Lucy's on a healthy diet now and explained that she is slightly overweight and I want to get her into healthy habbits etc. She agreed that it was for the best. At dinner time though, she'll give her 2 yourkshire puddings dripping in oil, then if she eats them which she always does, she'll offer her 2 more.
I have to then quickly say "I think she's had enough, whould you like some more carrots etc?" The problem is then, she'll say "no, grandma said I can have yourkshire puddings".
The other morning when I came home from work to my MIL's house I asked Lucy what she wanted for breakfast, then MIL listed off all the things she could have, then said "she's had some cheese on toast already". I said "Oh, that's fine then, I didn't know she'd had breakfast". Later I see my MIL's given her a bread roll with butter, and after that, I see her tucking into another bread roll with penut butter. [aaagh!!!] I feel like I can't win.
I said to MIL, "why has she got another roll?" and she said "because the student had one, she wanted one."
The problem at my MIL's is that everything I don't want her to eat is there in abundance. Crisps, cakes, sweets etc.
I don't want to annoy MIL too much as she has to look after her sometimes. I don't know weather to pack Lucy's food for the day? So that she knows what to feed her?
It makes me feel that I have no control over what she's eating when she's there and all my hard work in getting her to like healthy food is being destroyed.
I'm not sure what to do about it?

Oh and when I pointed out that cheese on toast, bread and butter and bread roll with penut butter was a bit much for breakfast, she said "Oh well that can be her lunch as well then". FGS I don't want to starve her!
It's making me feel that if I've worked a weekend night, I'll just stay awake the next day and have her at home with me. When I have to sleep on a school day it's fine as I can be awake before and after school.

bump

If the softly softly approach isn't working I'd definitely go down the packed lunch route for fear of causing a scene and MIL flouncing off and refusing to look after DD. Just say that you've been to the doctor and they're concerned about her weight so advised you step up your 'healthy eating plan' a notch and keep a food diary for a month & she's not to eat anything except fruit unless you've provided it.
Very frustrating for you though.
LCN

Another idea is to get MIL to complete a food diary WITH your DD helping. Make her a form with the headings Breakfast, Dinner, Tea. Maybe at one side have example portion sizes, then the other side blank to fill in.

So you don't have to pack a day's meals when you have to do a night's work, and so that DD learns what is right for her to eat. And of course so your MIL learns too, except that MIL thinks she's just helping your DD to learn.

HTH

Thank you both. Great ideas!

She does have a problem with constipation at the moment so I could use that as another reason for the food diary.

There is obesity on both sides of DD's family, and although neither me or my husband are overweight, Lucy is slightly. She isn't very active and we are looking into ways of getting her moving a bit more. She likes to sit and draw, write etc.

I just want to enforce healthy habbits for the future as well.

That is certainly a very hefty breakfast for a 5 year old. Your MIL clearly does not have good food portion measurement. It is good you are aware. I would be very up front with her I mean...4 yorkshires! I love them myself but that is ridiculous.

I feel for you. My DD's paternal grandparents have shocking eating habits and every time she eats with them she gets stuffed with food - we always tell them off and we always get the same answer "We just want to make sure she is happy when she is with us."

Two chocolate éclairs for pudding after breaded veal escalope and fried potatoes? FFS.

Would it work to emphasise the stuff you want her to eat more of rather than saying "don't give her cake" etc.?

Then if you do decide to send food with her, you could send just the fruit and vegetables bit and suggest that for example you daughter chooses from that selection for "snacks" or has some salad or raw veggies before her main meal as a starter. Maybe your dd would then eat less of the "bad stuff".

This would then tie in nicely with the constipation reason, i.e. "MIL, you know dd needs to eat more vegetables and fruit, so I've packed her this selection".

Both my kids love the idea of choosing their own selection and being responsible for it themselves.

A typical days food at grandmas would be:

Breakfast: cheerio's, toast with butter and peanut butter, orange juce.

snack: bread roll and butter or crisps or sweets.

Lunch: 2 pieces of cheese on toast or scrambled egg on toast, a cake and crisps.

Snack: rice cakes with peenut butter.

Dinner: roast dinner withup to 4 yourkshires, apple crumble and custard or ice cream then a yogart before bed.

I could leave her a loaf of brown bread too and say that her doctor says that white bread is bad for her constipation.