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Original poster

was this a bad thing to have done don't shoot me please

30 replies

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 12:17

Ds (4 in November) has a temperature and had just fallen in to what I knew was going to be a deep sleep on the sofa (very rarely wakes up quickly). I took dd out in buggy to walk round crescent opposite (so she would go to sleep) (probably takes 5 to 7 mins to get round) and checked when I came by house that ds okay, then went round again, by that time girl who helps clean had arrived so checked ds again (actually brought him upstairs) and went out again with dd leaving ds sleeping with girl downstairs. As I was walking round the crescent I was thinking what if a fire had broken out? Not sure if I should have done this but was desperate to get dd to sleep at same time as ds, am pregnant, tired and fed up. My neighbour sometimes does things like this on the basis that the worst scenario is unlikely to happen especially in such a short time. Not sure how dh would feel about it but followed gut instinct that it would be okay. Thoughts? Please don't tell me I am a bad Mum I could not handle it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mummydreamer · 03/09/2005 12:31

Arabella - Reading between the lines it sounds like you could do with a friend and a bit of time out right now. Once ds is better, could you get someone round just to give you a break?

You obviously feel that it isn't wise to leave a child alone in the house even for a short period of time. Have you any family or friends who could pop round to support you a bit?

zippitippitoes · 03/09/2005 12:39

It's done now, so don't worry about it.

But your ds could have woken up and been scared when he couldn't find you and even left the house. I remeber my mum doing this (popping to the corner shop)when I was around that age and I woke up and was frightened because I thought she had left me forever!

Anyway, sorry to hear you are feeling a bit low...I had three children close togethewr and it's difficult at times. Don't beat yourself up over it, try to find a way to relax a bit in the next few days.

Take care and don't worry

waterfalls · 03/09/2005 12:40

Is your DS starting school in september?

Ok, leaving your DS alone is not ideal, but I understand your desparation, Every day I see 4 yr olds playing out in the street unsupervised IMO that is far far worse.

Dont beat yourself up.

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Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 12:42

Yes could definitely use more company and help - my parents are in Belgium, most of dh's family are in Coventry (we live in London). I suppose I could have asked said neighbour to come over for a minute but she has 3 kids of her own and a husband who is often working.. No don't feel it was a great thing to have done, but also in a way felt I was very close - not close enough though. Definitely need more friends and company which sometimes get but need it ALL THE TIME. Dh keeps on repeating I just want entertainment. Can't think what on earth he means, have stopped trying to understand. If ds needs more friends as he keeps on saying why fgs don't I?

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Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 12:45

Sorry, had not read last 2 messages yet... Gosh what if he had left the house - mind you I don't think he could have managed the front door as it is very heavy. He would have been very upset though. I took a (bad) gamble that he would not wake up. No he isn't starting school in September but he will be going back to nursery 4 mornings a week. I'm glad for him and it will make life easier for me with a routine etc..

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saadia · 03/09/2005 13:02

I do sympathise. I remember how tired I used to get when pregs with ds2, and I only had ds1 to look after and now that I've got both I do desperately want them both to nap at the same time, but I think you know that leaving a baby/child is v dangerous.

magnolia1 · 03/09/2005 13:15

arabella, I have read your messages on other thread and I know your dh works an awful lot but YOU need some time out!!

It is sooo hard to be a mum without any support and you need to find a way of getting some :-) xxx

As for leaving ds, you know by already starting the thread that it wasn't the right thing to do but I really don't think you would do it again so don't think of the could haves just try to find some support (especially from your dh)

Mechelle xxx

stacijc · 03/09/2005 13:16

no shooting...can compleyetly understand why u did it. Its done now so whatever u feel would/could have happened its over.

Do u have a garden u could push your daughter round in next time? You are closer then if your son woke. Hope u get some rest ((hug))

Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 13:18

Yes I will not be doing this again. Have to sort out lots of things so I don't do stupid things like this.

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beetroot · 03/09/2005 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 13:20

thanks for hugs and stuff (had not read last 2 messages) - she's very stubborn and would not have gone to sleep in the garden - have to teach her to sleep in the house but easier said than done - should I tell dh what I did?

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Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 13:21

or even last 4 messages

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Davros · 03/09/2005 17:12

Sounds to me like you need some help and/or a break. Can the girl who does the cleaning also formally be there for childcare? I would try to organise something regular and formal asap, it has been a godsend to me and I KNOW its coming up each week and keeps me sane.

BLANKfloozypuddingandpie · 03/09/2005 17:15

I won't be shooting you. You need some rest and some fun. And a friend.

Davros · 03/09/2005 17:34

Where in London do you live Arabella? Are you finding it hard to make friends or just the right ones? At least there's a LOT of people to choose from but it can take longer. Any local groups etc or are these too much stress?

Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 22:58

Hi - I live in north west london - how about you Davros? I do have some friends - the neighbour across the road who has a son my ds's age plus one girl from my NCT group when I was pregnant with ds - another girl I went to school with and bumped into accidentally... However these people fill little spaces of time and then there seems to be eons left of it. I don't really do the mother and baby group thing anymore since having 2 but I might take dd (17 months) to some when ds goes back to nursery. Would like more contact in a way but above all would like more routine in general and some time to myself. I think the girl who comes to clean could also babysit you are right and I am going to think about setting that up. Thanks for your messages all.

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Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 23:02

FUN sounds good BLANKfloozypuddingandpie (had to copy and paste your name!). Would especially like to be having some fun with dh (wink) but as he does not seem to be at all interested, will try other routes.

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Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 23:03

that was supposed to be wink

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Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 23:03

I give up - how exactly do you get the winking face?

OP posts:

giraffeski · 03/09/2005 23:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster

arabella2 · 03/09/2005 23:20

Thank you - am now trying to work out how to get them to appear as the alt and alt gr keys don't seem to be working.

OP posts:

giraffeski · 03/09/2005 23:52

Message withdrawn

Davros · 04/09/2005 08:20

Arabella2, I am also in NW London!!! If you want to meet up I'd be happy to. I've become friends with Maomao through MN who also lives round here. She's away at the moment. Let me know if you want to get in touch although you're hands may be full enough without another arrangement.

tigermoth · 04/09/2005 08:32

If you knew your ds was in a deep sleep, I don't think you should beat yourself up about leaving him for under 7 minutes. We all have to do risk assessments from time to time - you thought about it, calculated the chance of anything happening, and did what was right for you at that time. As your children get older, IME these risk assessments become more and more part of your life.

fqueenzebra · 04/09/2005 20:13

I am not sure exactly what happened.
If it were me, and I could see the front of the house the whole time, and I could get back to it quickly (not a busy road to cross, for instance), and I didn't get too far (more than 150 yards?) then I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Perhaps it's me who will be shot for saying that!

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