Oh dear. Dd's pet rat has died. Hadn't really thought about how to deal with this. Would love some help.

[YunoYurbubson]

We have just got back from a night away to find one of dd's rats has died.

Dd is 4 years old.

She hasn't noticed yet.

Do I tell her?

How do I tell her?

What about being a bit vague and saying that Tinkerbell must have gone for an explore (which she does sometimes)? Then when she doesn't come back we could assume she must be off having an adventure, or snoozing in a secret den...?

Dh says no, we must be honest and gently explain the truth. But then my little girl will be so upset and I don't know what to tell her to make it okay.

I am very tempted to avoid being the bearer of bad news. Would that be wrong? I suspect it would be.

And if we go with the truth, do we let her see the dead Tinkerbell?

Oh dear.

I know it is only a dead rat, but that little rat was very important to my daughter.

I would get a lookalike

Oh, when I say "one of" her rats died, she still has Sparkle. We have (had) two.

You need to tell her thr truth, otherwise she will worry more about rat being lost/hungry/upset. Kids are quite matterfact about this sort of thing. Just tell ehr that the rat must have been porrly/old and has died.

Oh, dear.

Rats are such lovely pets but they have such a short lifespan, it's why I stopped keeping them - could not take the heartbreak any more.

I am with your DH on this, but you know your daughter best. It might also be hard to introduce Sparkle to a new cage mate.

My LO is just a baby so no experience to call on other than my own pets dying when little. I'd tell her the truth and have a little ceremony to bury the rat in the back garden. She may be devastated but will recover quickly.

If the rat looks OK and she wants to see it/touch it, then personally I'd let her - usually the imaginings are worse than the reality.

But she is young and whatever you decide will be right for you and your family.

You may want to avoid the "fallen into a deeep sleep and won't wake up" - this phrase put a friends child of going to sleep and caused nightmares!

Good luck

Perhaps I will tell her the truth then.

I can't work out exactly what to tell her. If I say that Tink was poorly I know dd will worry that anyone being poorly might die. The thing is Tink was quite young. I have no idea why she died, so no reasonable explanation for dd.

Rats are susceptible to strokes and also tumours, which sometimes cannot be felt or seen through ordinary handling. It's one of the reasons why they are such good laboratory animals:(

It could well be that it was one of these that carried her off in the end.

Either way, if she did not seem ill beforehand, it's unlikely she would have suffered very much, if at all.

There is a Charlie and Lola episode about their pet rat (mouse?) dying. They remember all the things he was good at - it's very sweet.

DD has watched it a few times and I think it's helped her understand a bit what death is (something she has yet to have any experience of, luckily).

I know it's available on the internet somewhere - DH found it.

I think it's important that we DON'T try to (over)shelter our kids too much.

The rat was HER pet, and even though she is young, she deserves to know the truth. As someone else said, if you do say that her pet has gone off on an adventure, she'll worry about him/her being hungry, etc.

Just be honest, without being too graphic obviously. And if she does want to see him/her, I think I'd consider it.

i think its best to tell her the truth, part of having pets is that it teaches children about the cycle of life. i had hamsters as a little girl and they had very short lifespans, i cried when they died and buried them, didn't adversly effect me.

i think rats are amazing pets as an aside. im guessing tinkerbell and sparkle are girls? if so female rats are very sociable and it should be very easy to introduce a new mate, and is probably advisable, as ratss are very sociable animals and it's not fair to keep them alone. if possible try to age match vaguely the new rat, as young ones are quite excitable and that may annoy an older rat.

i have 3 girl ratties who aren't related and they get on a treat. introducing them to each other was easy, never been any problems.

unfortunately they do die too quickly though :(

Well it has been two days now and dd has yet to notice.

Tinkerbell (deceased) was always the jumpiest of the two sisters, and dd much preferred to play with Sparkle who was a far more willing participant in dd's 4yo games. Spark comes when dd calls her, sits happily on dd's shoulder, lounges in the doll pram, mooches around the book shelves.

Tink on the other hand would leap your hand, take a flying leap from the cage, disappear under the kitchen cabinets and not come out for 2 days.

So every time dd goes to the cage she gets Sparkle out and has yet to notice that Tink is not there. I keep waiting for her to notice and ask. I guess she assumes Tink is snoozing in a hidey-hole. It is quite a big cage.

Complete cop out on my part.

I will look out the Charlie and Lola ep. Perfect. C&L is dd's bestest and most favourite. Thanks for that.

And then, yes, I will tell her the truth and try and find a friend for Sparks.

I suppose there's no point in PUSHING it on her. Maybe she HAS noticed, and is processing what it might mean?!?![hopeful emoticon!!!]

big hugs to your DD, i still miss my darling rat, and she died when i was 14 (more than half my lifetime ago!)

when she does mention it, you should have a little ceremony and perhaps plant something in the garden to remember her by (i'm assuming you haven't kept Tink on ice?!)

good luck... i'm dreading when my DD is old enough to have pets and those pets die - i've never been very good at distinguishing between pets and other family members so it's always a traumatic event when a pet dies in our house!