Just Lost it Big Time

[MissWooWoo]

I have just screeched at my dd (3.3)

"STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FOOD. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. ALL DAY EVERYDAY YOU GO ON AND ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT FOOD I AM SICK OF IT"

feel terrible as she burst into tears of course. I am just so fed up of it, most of the time I let it wash over me but today (after a rough night's sleep and a very early start) I just lost it. Where am I going wrong and how can I deal with this because losing it is not right and sometimes I find is so wearing.

Surely she can't be hungry all the bloody time? She is very very active, doesn't sit still for a minute always jumping up and down etc, tall (just over a metre when last measured) and weighs about 2 1/2 stone.
I'm not starving her, although she is a bit on the fussy side, today she's had:

6am cup of cold milk
7.15am (breakfast) rice krispies with milk (sometimes its porridge or weetabix
8.30 - kiwi fruit
9.30 - 1/2 pitta bread and butter, 1/4 banana,few grapes
10.30 - 3 biscuits
11.45 (lunch) ham sandwich, ice cream
1.15 - blueberries

5 mins later she's asking for more food, cue me losing it. She'll be having chicken, potato and carrot for her dinner and as that is at 6 she'll need something inbetween.

This is what she ate yesterday in order of consumption:

• cup of milk
• rice krispies & milk, yoghurt, raspberries
• small biscuit
• kiwi fruit
• 1/2 sausage, handful of chips (cafe lunch)
• pkt chocolate buttons

NURSERY - snack of crackers and cucumber

• ham sandwich
• blueberries
• organix carrot stix
• small biscuit
• spag bol
• ice cream

I'm sure people are at the biscuits and ice cream but she is whippet thin and so bouncy. Also I know it's a bit samey but I don't have tons to spend on food so I use what I have and then vary when I do a shop. Won't eat cheese or hummus, veg mostly has to be hidden in tomato sauces, will eat chicken but iffy about other meat unless it's minced (but won't eat shepherds pie or lasagne) On the whole I'm not really worried about her diet it's just the constant fucking harping on about it every bloody half hour or 5 minutes after she's eaten. Mealtimes are regular but it's the bits inbetween that go wrong.

Any practical ideas on how to deal with it? Surely someone has been through this? I am also worried that she's getting into bad habits of constantly eating which is just not healthy. Help please

is she bored?
mine mithers for a snack if she is.

I think if she is tall and whippet thin she may well BE hungry all the time!

My 3.5 year old eats a lot of apples. easily four a day - although some get started and not finished. i think the TESCO man thinks I,ve got a cider brewery out back when he delivers six bags of apples every week, but it works for us. he helps himself from the fruit bowl. I only serve three meals and three snacks ( mid morning, mid afternoon, and sometimes milk and cookie before bed if it was an early dinner).

Maybe they grow at this age or something... Because he had his first apple straight after breakfast...

Don't beat yourself up about losing your rag. they can really get under your skin at this age - it,s hard not to take things too personally.

I think she's hungry, rather than attention seeking or anything else.

And I would use that hunger to my full advantage to get her to try a tiny bit of stuff at which she normally turns her nose up, or to get her to try new food.

How much does she drink in a day?

Bugger people being at what you feed your child, it's none of their business and you don't need to apologise! My dd2 is exactly the same, I usually give her some food if she asks for it but always suggest fruit/something boring and then I can weed out whether she is actually hungry or not. Strangely dd2 sometimes says she is hungry when she is actually tired.
And btw, that is not a rant by my standards

If you think you were unfair (I think you were, going by how you've put it), you should calmly (but sincerely) apologise to her and then just not dwell on it any more. The last thing you want is to give her emotional hangups about food. Sounds to me like that is exactly what'll happen if you let it wind you up so much that you are screaming about how her asking for food makes you upset/sick of it, etc.

Is it such a problem if she eats a lot? Where is it written that very active three year olds should have their (reasonably healthy) food intake "capped"?

yy, tiredness and thirst are often "misread" as hunger in adults; maybe the same is true for her too -- more water might be worth a try just to ensure she's not a bit on the dehydrated side. WOuld not be a black mark against you, is very common apparently. My 3 year old doesn't always realize he needs a drink unless it's offered.

She drinks loads - water usually but she'll hav a juice/smoothie if we're out - so far she's had about 3 large beakers of water, mostly via her teapot as this is her latest thing . She's not great at trying things Dinghy although I do try and try and try, so I'll be giving her a tiny bit of courgette with her dinner tonight, this will be about the 15th time, hoping that one day she will just eat it. I even try and get her to help make new things but she's not really interested in eating things after unless it involves icing or chocolate!

Interesting what people way about bored/tired - maybe she doesn't know how to express these things and so churns out the "I'm hungry" line. So, looks like she could be hungry too, maybe she needs protein at breakfast? She likes boiled eggs and will sometimes eat bacon and sausage.

I did really shout though reikizen god knows what the neighbour thinks

DM is right - lots of children confuse hunger/thirst/tiredness.

And tbh I think her diet is very healthy and balanced. You're not feeding her solely on fruit and salad and you're not giving her 3 bags of crisps and a deep fried mars bar for every meal. It's a shame when we feel we have to justify ice cream and chocolate for children when it's part of a healthy diet.

And also bear in mind that if she's bouncy around then she's using energy and needs the extra fuel. AND some whippet thin children have TARDIS-like stomachs and likewise some chunky children are picky and don't eat much.

You are the opposite of my friend who has 1 chubby child and 2 skinnies. The chubby one doesn't like sweets or crisps or icecream, doesn't care about chocolate or cake, and loves cucumber and spring onions! Definitely eats way less than siblings, is pickier and is no less active either.

Kids. There's just no bloody logic to 'em, is there?

I apologised as soon as I calmed down - 2 minutes later and we had a big big cuddle dirtyMartini so we're cool.

I don't want to give her hang ups about food but, it's not so much how much she eats it's when she eats that bothers me, like she can't get through an hour without eating something - surely that can't be right?

x post OP

What I meant was, I would try saying 'here, try one bite of this, and then I'll give you your snack' and see how it goes. If she's really not keen, don't push it. I'm a big believer in bribery!

She will have forgotten the shouting within days - forgive yourself, you didn't wallop her, you don't do it all the time, we all have our moments, especially when we're tired and threenagers are hard work. Trust me, you feel WAY worse about it than she does. Honestly, you don't have to feel guilty about it. Tell her you're sorry and you shouldn't have shouted like that (which you may well have done, of course) and then set a timer so you give her a snack hourly. Clearly she's one of those children who needs lots of small meals.

ofgs I keep x posting! hence the say sorry bit....but how spooky about the 'feed her hourly' bit....

Yes, some children NEED feeding very often. Does she eat big meals too? Oh, and yes to protein at breakfast time. Buy cooked cocktail sausages and nuke a couple at breakfast time.

I honestly don't know; is it such a problem at her age? What bothers you about it -- are you thinking maybe she's got that thing where people's blood sugar goes right down and they need to eat all the time? Or is it more of a general concern about laying down good eating habits for the future?

Maybe speak to your GP about it if you are concerned that it's a signal of an underlying problem? Otherwise it sounds like you are feeding her well and healthily and maybe if you just stoically carry on and try to keep from seeming too frustrated, it will resolve itself in time. She might be having a growth spurt?

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh in earlier post btw, reading it back it sounds a bit tsk tsk-ish. I was thinking about an Arabella Weir article in the Guardian the other day which, though nothing at all like your situation really, did mention how her parents made it very clear to her she ate too much as a child, and she then learned fast to eat in secret and not let on to them that she was hungry as it always produced such terrible reactions . I do NOT think you are doing that to your dd, I just was hearing the echo of it in my head because some of the wording of your post recalled it.

It's all such a minefield, isn't it.

Hmm. Two things I would try. First, just make her meals bigger. Give her two sandwiches at lunch instead of one. Will she eat them both? And if she does will she ask for more food soon after? Try it out for a few days and see if it makes a difference?

Also, kids seem to try our patience because they cannot enable things for themselves. What I mean is that if you think 'hmm, I'm hungry' you can just go and get a snack, without involving anyone else. But she has to ask you because you need to get it for her.

Perhaps you could make a special snack box for her with raisins or carrots or whatever, and put it in a place she can reach.

The deal is, if she wants a snack she musn't ask you but go and get the box herself. That way you are not wound up by her constant asking, and she can decide if she really does want a snack.

Chances are that if you take the interaction away from you, she might not be so interested.

And if she does chomp her way through, what's the problem? If you only put things in there that are healthy - then really, does it matter how many apple pieces or breadsticks she has?

I don't know? Might be worth a try?

One practical idea might be to look into the structure of her diet in terms of GI. A book like one of the Food Doctor ones might be helpful.

My DS has just turned 2 and a similarly active and 'big' eater. He will often eat a similar portion size to me for at least one meal a day. We will often get to 10a.m. and he will say "dinner Mummy?"!

The only two things that struck me about the list of food were:

1. breakfast - rice crispies are not going to keep her full for long. With a metabolism like hers she might keep going for longer with porridge and fruit plus some toast and peanut butter or toast, fruit, ham and cheese spread. Basically any combination of slow release carbohydrate plus complex carbs (veg and fruit - things like apples are best for this) and protein. All meals can be structured in this way to keep her going for longer, including snacks.
2. A little samey. I have a few issues with food which I think came from my childhood diet being quite unvaried and from comments when I wanted to eat more food.

One trick I read on a thread on here about trying to get DCs to eat more veg/fruit is to put things out in little bowls to choose from. And never to comment on things they haven't eated or try to force it.

Good luck!

timer! genius idea genius. she has recently showed an interest in time - can tell her o'clocks and asks what time it is and what that time means "what's 10 to 3 mean mummy) so this might be a fun way of doing things.

She doesn't really eat big meals to be honest and I suppose this is part of my issues too with me thinking that if she ate lots at mealtimes we wouldn't have the constant asking for food between meals, but I'm not prepared to give her nothing between meals as I do think that she needs little and often - just not as bloody often as every sodding 5 minutes

I suppose it's the general concern of laying down good eating habits for the future Dirty and I didn't think you were too harsh at all. Oh fuck yes I read that article, I certainly don't want things to go that way. We've always tried to encourage the attitude that there are no "bad" foods hence allowing choc/biscuits/ice cream on a near daily basis but everything in moderation.

chill MissWooWoo chill

I suppose once she goes to school she won't be able to eat all day!

don't beat yourself up about shouting, just move on from it.

could be boredom, DD eats much more on those days where we're slumming it at home, than when we're out and about. same as me TBH

my DD is the same age as yours and I'm thinking of having a (vaguely flexible) snacktime routine - I'm trying to get more structure to our day anyway. so, e.g. the last snack before dinner would be 4pm as I always end up giving her something just before dinner to keep her quiet while I cook

It would certainly drive me crazy if my children were asking for food as often as this. Could she eat more or something more filling at lunchtime? A ham sandwich and ice cream doesn't fill you up for very long, does it? We have main meal for in the middle of the day as the children are always hungrier at this time and usually too tired to eat properly in the evening.

As for losing it, she won't remember this incident in a few months time. When DS was 3 (nearly 4) I lost my temper with him on Christmas Day I felt guilty about it for ages. The following year in the run up to Christmas I asked what he remember about the previous Christmas the only thing he could remember was one of the things he had got in his stocking!

another genius idea MerryLegs - snackbox! like it

unfortunately the rice krispies are a recent addition to the diet (thanks dp!), it was always porridge or weetabix but now she knows they are there she wants them every day. I do see that I need to up her protein at breakfast, she doesn't eat cheese or peanut butter but maybe a boiled egg and toast as well as her cereal and fruit.

so many good ideas here, thanks so much

guess who's asking for food?!

Give her half weetabix and half rice krispies, if she'll have it.

And bear in mind her stomach is about the size of her fist, so she may be full on what seems very little.

You're not laying down or starting bad habits - quite the contrary imo. You're saying 'eat when you're hungry' and 'here is breakfast lunch and tea' which is eminently sensible.

DS would eat cereal (bran flakes or fruit and fibre as that's what DP and I have) every day given the chance but I don't think it's good for him so he gets a bowl of porridge with a sprinkling of bran flakes on top! Maybe try that with her rice crispies? Also, maybe try another nut butter if she doesn't like peanut butter? Holland and Barrat do almond and hazlenut butters which are really yummy.

DS is nearly three and seems to be going through a growth spurt as he seems to be constantly hungry. He gets three meals and two snacks a day. If he says he's hungry at any other time, he's offered fruit or veg and that's it. It helps to identify if he's actually hungry or just after a biscuit! Sometimes he'll eat a load of carrot sticks, sometimes just have a half-hearted gnaw and go and do something else.