Help me decide whether they should share a room!

[ifyourmotheraskedyou]

I've got two girls, aged 5-and-a-half and 22 months. DD2 is currently still in our bedroom and I am trying to decide where she should go when she moves out of our room. We do actually have a little spare room, so we have options, though I find it very useful to have that extra room and would much rather not give it up - I'd need to move a lot of stuff downstairs, which would be an enormous job and involve a lot of rearrangement.

DD1 is keen to share her bedroom and is desperate for bunk beds. I like the idea of them sharing in principle, and I think both of them (but actually mainly DD1 who can be a bit anxious in the evenings) might be reassured by having someone else in the room at night.

But DD2 is desperate to have everything DD1 has, and to do everything she does. I can imagine that sharing a room might become very trying for DD1 and very frustrating for DD2.

DD1 quite often takes herself off to her room to be alone and read or listen to CDs, and I'm worried that she will lose her private space if she has to share a room. On the other hand I am surprised to find myself even thinking that a 5yo needs private space!

Does anyone have any thoughts? I'm wondering whether the whole thing will be easier on both of them by the time DD2 is about 3 and a bit less destructive and impossible. Or maybe I should just bite the bullet and do it now. I'm worried about putting too much strain on the girls' relationship.

we moved our 21 month old in with his 4 year old brother last month, was a bit worried at first but has worked out great (touch wood), they get up around the same time (7am) and i can hear both of them babbling to each other! gives me that extra bit of time to watch tv get ready for the day!! thankfully big brother waits for me or his dad to get him before he gets out of bed!

good luck!

Thanks, good to hear it's working well. Does your older one have any problems with everything being accessible to the little one? And does he mind not having a private retreat?

little one still in a cot! we have a playroom downstairs where big brother can go, maybe he's not at that private space yet but they play well together, both boys so helps! anyway no toys in bedroom just books and i often find a couple of books in the cot when i go get him!

does your dd1 want to share a room?

Ah, that is probably an easier set up. We've got a playroom downstairs but it is increasingly mainly the little one's toys, while her big sister likes to squirrel her stuff away upstairs so that when she has friends round she can disappear up to her room with them and play without the little one interrupting.

DD1 does want to share a room, but I don't think she's really old enough to have thought the implications through properly. They do play nicely together, but sometimes the big one just wants time to herself. And some toys are off-limits to the little one, like complicated playmobil stuff.

It sounds to me like you would be best off using the spare room as DD2s room, then get a set of bunks for DD1s room so that her sister can sleep with her at weekends etc, but DD1 keeps her own space. If she is good at taking herself off then you risk lots of arguments if they shared.

If of course you didn't have a spare room I would say let them share and slug it out, DD1 will just have to get used to the idea that she has to share everything.

I'm afraid you're right about risking lots of arguments. Maybe I do have to give up my spare room and find somewhere else for all our books.

Except... I know DD1 will be bitterly disappointed. She was desperate for us all to share a hotel room on holiday...

going round in circles here. Maybe if I leave it for 6 months and then move them in together it might work better? I can't really remember what two and a half year olds are like.... are they any more containable than 22 month olds??

I would put them in together, children love sharing and they will work it out. Could you set up a little corner of your spare room with a beanbag, cd player and some books where DD1 can go if she wants time on her own (although I don't think you would really need it to be honest - you'll probably find she just goes and sits herself up on the top bunk with her books and barricades the ladder when she wants alone time!). Move them in, see how it goes and if in 3 or 4 months it's not working then think about giving up your spare room. I wouldn't wait any longer - it doesn't get better or easier, the sooner they are together and work out their own ways of dealing with boundaries the better. If you leave it 6 months DD1 might have totally changed her mind about wanting DD2 in with her and you might face a huge strop. Make the most of her enthusiasm about it now and go for it. Expect much bouncing and running around in the evenings for the first few weeks as they get used to sharing

Bite the bullet and do it now.

However, ensure that both of them have a private box or drawer which is special to that child and that nobody else, including parents, opens without permission. I think it better not to have locks on the drawers, but dd1 not keep anything particularly precious or desirable in iher drawer for a couple of months, until dd2 has learned to respect it.

My ds1 and dd shared for 4 years from ages 4 and 1. As long as dd was still in a cot ds had a special drawer in his wardrobe. When they moved into bunkbeds they each had one of the underbed drawers.

Dd certainly sleeps better when she shares a room.

Oh, I really like that idea about them each having an underbed drawer, PrettyCandles. I think that would appeal to both of them. And the idea of giving them both a private storage space. What a good idea, thank you, I will definitely use that.

I had wondered about giving dd1 a den in the spare room, Nelly, but somehow it feels a bit forced, and I agree that she probably will just end up retreating to the top bunk.

What do you do when friends come round and the older one wants to play without interference from the little one? Do you think it is OK for the little one to be shut out of their own bedroom? (Can you tell I am an older sister? )

My DD's share a room (age nearly 7 & 3), they have been sharing for nearly a year now and it's work out really well. We use the 3rd bedroom as a playroom, so there is space in there to get away.
The only time I have had arguements is when older DD has friends around and won't let younger DD into the bedroom.
I know there will be a time when my older DD wants more space and prob by that time the toys they have will become smaller so could take the playroom back.
Go for it!

That's encouraging, flowergirl, especially as you've got two girls with the same age gap as mine! How do you handle it when friends come round?

Hi,

I have two girls (6 and 3) and they share. It is their choice and they love it.

I agree that you need a special area for their special things. My girls each have a shelf at the end of their (bunk) beds, where they put things that are special to them. Of course, DD2 hasn't really got anything special yet, but she likes to think she has.

Then we have a lot of high shelving! Things like CDs, DVDS etc are kept up high out of DD2s reach, and some things are kept so high that both girls have to ask for them, so it is always supervised.

As for friends, well they play together. I tell DD1 to include DD2 when friends come round, and by and large she does - but she is old enough to join in now. If she can't then I entertain DD2 downstairs. On sleepovers, DD2 is allowed to have her own sleepover in mummy's bed!