Mum's of teenage and older children, your thoughts please...

[candlestix]

Hello,

Apologies if I sound pathetic, I am 40, I have 2 boys under 4, was very happy to be pregnant with ds2 as we had suffered a mmc 3 months prior. I was never bothered about having another boy or that I would be the only female in the house.

Anyway as time goes on and the noise levels in the house increases, the fighting and toilet seat is more than often up and with dribbles.... I feel sad that I may never experience raising a daughter. I am finding myself looking at family set ups everywhere I go and assuming you mn ladies are whom I'm checking out I would like to ask your experiences.

So mum's of teennage and older children, has it made your life different raising same gender children? how do you do it? do you miss not having experienced the opposite gender, if you had all boys, are you a MIL, how is it? do you still see your son's?

and mum's of both genders, is it any different? especially with having a daughter, do you feel glad you have a daughter and not just boys? how would you have felt if you had never had a daughter?

Anyway i hope you get what i'm getting at...

Thanks

Are you a journalist?

I'm glad I had one of each, because it really brought it home to me that gender isn't at issue - each child is an individual. My girl is a real tomboy and my boy is not particularly boyish. I was worried that they wouldn't particularly play with one another, but they do play together, and have even been known to fight (DS always loses).

I have two boys and they are like chalk and cheese. One loves drawing and other quiet activities and the other one is more boyish and loud. IMO gender doesn't come into it.

Healthy children are a blessing.

thanks for quick replys!

said - no not a journalist, simply wanting to know if i'm missing out etc and if we should ttc again or not of course not guaranteeing a daughter, so hard!

quattro, both my boys are completly different personality, looks, what they like to eat, do, play etc and i love them to bits, so i understand the individual bit but the mother daughter relationship thing, i mean, in years to come boys are off doing boy stuff with dad and me what will i be doing ????

i feel completely blessed, i have friends that don't have partners never mind children and i have both, yet starting to feel depressed that i don't have a daughter, am i going mad? hence why i'm trying to get an insight into the future if there is such a thing and if it really is going to be as bad as i think not having a daughter.

as for toilet seats, i do that but sometimes just too exhausted to keep on and on and on and on....

I have just the one DS - I don't think that your life has to settle into any pattern of them doing "boy stuff" with their dad and you being left out. You can be just as involved in their interests if they are boys, unless you only like doing ultra-girly things yourself. eg DS is into Games Workshop stuff - not a girly hobby, but there's a lot of model-making and painting involved, and that was something I could be involved in and help him with. Most other things are also not exclusive to men/boys unless your DH plans to get them memberships to men-only golf clubs etc!

candlestix - no honestly, you will find things that you like to do with each child separately and those things will grow and evolve over time.

So for instance, I cook with DS (now 10) because he's passionate about food. Also take him to concerts, because he's passionate about music. DD is very sporty, so I spend a lot of time ferrying her to events but also curled up in her bed watching unsuitable films (she introduced me to Borat - I think in an attempt to shock) and comedies, and reading and talking about books and stuff. The things I do with DD are not gender-related, they're related to her as an individual.

Why not try thinking of the children as your children rather than in terms of gender? There isn't any mystical male clubbery from which you are going to be excluded.

In fact, now you've got me thinking about this in gender terms, most of the men of my acquaintance adore their mothers fairly uncritically, whilst most of the women are rather less tolerant.