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Parenting

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Original poster

How much should a 9yr old know about s**?

37 replies

Solo2 · 02/09/2010 16:33

My 9 yr old twin sons are about to start Yr 5 where they get sex education for the first time, at school, this year.

I have always been v open and honest with them about sex and wanted them to know as much as what I feel is appropriate about what it's all about, before they get to an age when they're too embarassed to ask, especially as I'm a single mum - so there's no Dad or any other male in their lives who can/ will be talking to them about sex.

I was startled when a friend recently confided that she hasn't yet told her 9 yr old DS how "Daddy's genes" get into Mummy's body. I expected that all parents by this age would have given most of the basic details to their DCs.

Am I mistaken? Might my sons know more than their peers about sex, anatomy, safer sex etc etc and might this then cause problems at school, if they come out with specific or detailed questions, indicating their greater knowledge? Or is the other mum and her son in the minority and will her DS be embarassed to get sex education at school this coming year?

OP posts:

PandaG · 03/09/2010 15:18

My DS is now Y6, so has SE at school last term. I'd already taught him - in drips as he asked the questions, all about the mechanics of sex, and to an extent about contraception etc.

Just to let you know the films that he saw (and I think that they are widely used) explained clearly about the location and function of the clitoris.

ExitPursuedByABear · 03/09/2010 15:25

My DD has just started Y6. I tried to have 'the talk' with her and just got the hand and 'enough mum - stop it'. I have no idea how much she knows, but I frequently make jokey comments about stuff on the telly to which she cringes, so I am presuming she knows enough to get by. I bought her a book "What is happening to my body" and she takes it on sleepovers with her and the pages are well thumbed. At least she is reading!

huffythethreadslayer · 03/09/2010 16:35

I think a book is my next step to be honest. Though whether she'll read it is another matter!

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DottyDot · 03/09/2010 16:40

ds1 (8 and a half) knows the mechanics and we're always very open with any conversations around sex (and sexuality!), but I must admit I was floored the other night when we were watching Coronation Street (dp's been in the choir in it so we were watching out for her) and that hairdresser mentioned her termination. Cue ds1 "what's a termination?".

It's the first question that's left me dumbstruck...

Gigantaur · 03/09/2010 16:47

both ds at age 9 and dd at age 5 know all about sex.

They know it is not just about making babies and they know that it is not just men and women but also men and men or women and women etc.

if they ask a question i answer it.

i cannot stand this daddy planted a seed through mummy's belly button bollox.

Original poster

Solo2 · 03/09/2010 18:31

This is really interesting to hear everyone's experiences and views. I think I've probably told my DSS more than most, as they keep asking and are so interested and I'm not embarassed to explain. The fact that they have no dad means I feel obliged to educate them about the man's point of view and anatomy as well as the woman's. they know about the clitoris and they understand that sex doesn't just 'happen' because they've asked recently to tell them the details of how you do it.

DS2 was worried he'd not be able to 'do it' and so I explained that no one gets it perfect at first and it's like riding a bike - you need lots of practice and a lighthearted attitude - plus lots and lots of talking with your partner and telling and asking them what's good/ what's not good - before you can just relax and enjoy it. I've emphasised that you need to do it with someone you love and trust and feel close to, for it to feel really good.

They know about same sex activity and protecting yourself from having an unwanted baby and from diseases. They know about masturbation but I have to say I was floored today when DS1 told me he'd seen on "Dragon's Den": "That thing you strap on if you're a woman and you want to have sex like a man, Mummy"! I gave a brief explanation, in line with my view that the more info. they have, the better placed they are to enjoy sex later in life.

My worry is that they'll come out with some v graphic detail at school, in a normal matter-of-fact voice, that shocks the teacher and the children.

In my case, I've never been able to do a "Mummy and Daddy loved each other and so they made you" conversation because I'm a single mother by choice and they were conceived through IVF.

OP posts:

huffythethreadslayer · 03/09/2010 19:16

I've found it fascinating to read the threads on here too solo.

I'm not overly embarrassed about talking about sex and I always try to answer questions honestly and fully, but there haven't been many to answer. DD is like a very very sensible (possibly a bit boring) banker in a 9 year old girl's body. That sounds horrid, but what I mean is, she's not the curious type. She's not adventurous. I worry that that may impact on her sex life when she's older, but then, her dad's similar and I have little to complain about :)

I have just ordered her a book, just so I can say, here's something you can read whenever you're ready. I get the feeling she's way more embarrassed about this stuff than I am so will find self discovery a more useful route than the mother/daughter chat. I'll read it myself first, though and see if there's anything I need to say before she reads it.

Maybe there's embarrassment here cos I've left it too late to do 'the chat' (looking at some of the responses from this thread that would seem the case). I just thought that talking about things honestly, organically as questions and situations arise would address most things. It doesn't and hasn't, so I think it's time I got my arse into gear and took some responsibility.

fattybum · 03/09/2010 19:38

My four year knows a bit about sex, since hearing the song "sex on fire" by Kings of Leon. I tried to tell him it was a special hug just for grown ups, thinking maybe he was a bit young to take in more detail. Five minutes later he said " Mum, but what is it" so I gave him a detailed description. I think it's good for them to hear about it from a young age, then it's not such a big deal as they get older.

DilysPrice · 03/09/2010 19:51

Don't overestimate the amount they'll actually learn from sex ed - it wasn't until years after that DB found out that periods don't take 5 minutes once a month, but are continuous for several days (he learnt in the course of a family conversation about a sanitary towel ad on TV fortunately, otherwise he could have been scarred for life).

sorrento56 · 03/09/2010 19:53

Mine haven't asked much so I don't feel then need to tell yet.

pointythings · 04/09/2010 22:20

@Sorrento56,

Completely agree with you - don't force it on them, just be sensible when they do ask!

sorrento56 · 05/09/2010 15:07

Of course I will :). I was thinking about it today while we were out and was wondering about asking DS1 what he knew. I hate the fact I feel like I have no choice in the matter. Either let him have the sex education lessons and learn things earlier than he needs too, or take him out and have some of the other children fill him in, in not a great way.

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