I wasn't sure whether to put this here, in health or in relationships

[sorrento56]

I have just had a therapy session and we found ourselves talking about my daughter.

I have no relationship with my mother, haven't lived with her since I was under 2, haven't seen her since I was 19 and have no desire to see her again.

I wasn't keen on having a girl as I was worried it would be like my mother and me but was absolutely thrilled to bits to have a daughter and I love her just as much as my boys.

My mother in law was less happy when she was born after our son and I know she gets on better with the boys and given the choice of having one of them she would chose my eldest boy.

My dd has no idea that her grandma favours the boys and hasn't noticed that she gets less spent on her than her brothers at birthdays and Christmas.

I find myself singing dd's praises as I feel she doesn't get the same attention as the boys. She needs less as she is very self-sufficient and much easier at entertaining herself and spending time alone/

The other day it was just us 2 together and I felt I didn't know her as well as the boys, when rationally I know I do, but it doesn't seem to come as natural as with the boys.

I feel that as I am desperate for my MIL to like me and approve I find it is affecting my relationship with DD.

I don't want to make this into something it isn't but I am well aware of the problems I have through not talking about things that are bothering me.

I am not really sure what I want, just to get it out of my head I guess.

Sorry youre feeling like this.Is the problem that you are worried about not spending enough time with your dd? Can you do some girly thingy together without your ds'? Shopping/hairuts etc?

I'm not very good with the advice lark but hope this helps

Thanks for answering.

She seems to need me less than the boys so maybe gets less. I just worry she will feel one day Grandma just doesn't feel the same way about her and that I don't know how to relate to her as I don't have a mother. My MIL said my dd is how she imagines I would have been if I had had a normal upbringing, and that has stuck with me and I don't know if that causes a problem.

I have a tricky relationship with my dd - it just doesn't come naturally. I have felt better since I acknowledged it, I am sure there are reasons and I heve dodgey relationship with my mother and every time my dd does anything like I did when I was little I panic and think she's going to turn out like me, or worse have the same sort of relationship as my mum and me. Not sure that's helpful, but I think sometimes daughters are hard because they seem like little versions of us which makes the less confident among us panic. Make any sense? If not hope someone else will!

It is so difficult, isn't it? I am scared that my MIL's feelings towards me having had a girl has affected my relationship with DD. and my assumption before she was born that I would find a daughter hard, has become self full-filling.