Looking after a baby....

[NoTeaForMe]

Hi,

I am 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and am hopefully moving house before the baby is born, so although I am pretty sorted with baby stuff the 'nursery' isn't sorted and baby clothes have been washed and in a bag ready to move.

Anyway, I have kind of realised in the last week or so that I don't really know how to look after a baby! I don't know when they should be in a routine, when you should feed them, when should they have a 'bed'time, when and how often you should bath them....etc etc etc. I am sure that everyone goes through these feelings but I feel totally unprepared for the baby stage of this pregnancy.... HELP!

I don't want a book to rely on, but I wonder if a book to read and get some ideas from would be a good idea - any recommendations?

Thanks in advance!

Don't worry you really will be absolutely fine, I had this panic from about 20wks onwards and apparently its very normal!!!!
My best friend gave me The Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove and i thought it was great as it even had a diagram of how to put a vest on a baby!!! I clutched it like a security blanket while I was preganant and referred to it lots in first few weeks too......
Good luck!! :o

I was exactly the same. I had never really picked up a baby before DD was born, was totally clueless.

Practical stuff - The midwives should show you how to change a nappy (I had never changed a nappy!). Baths - DD has one every night as part of her bedtime routine. Get the midwives to show you how to give a bath (I found the instructions in our baby book bizarre). It took me a while to get the hang of all the studs on the sleepsuits, but your baby won't care if the studs are slightly skewed or if their vest is on backwards.

Routine - don't worry about it. For the first few weeks, just try to stay sane. DD fell into a bit of a routine about 8 weeks, or at least became a bit more predictable. It depends how important a routine is to you (not your MIL or anyone else!).

Feeding - when they cry, feed them. Newborns should feed at least every three hours, but might be much more frequent. Arm yourself with useful phone numbers like the LaLeche League if you are planning to BF (wish I had done that).

Good luck! The first few weeks are tough but it does get easier!

:o at crystalqueen mentioning that baby won't mind if vest is on backwards! - DS is 7mo old now and has had his vest on backwards twice in last week - he really didn't mind tho!!! ooopps!!!

Don't worry noteaforme - you'll get the hang of things much quicker than me!!!

I'd just like to echo what the other posters have said. I'd also barely held a baby and certainly never changed a nappy or done any other sort of baby care! Amazingly, it does all fall into place over the first few days and weeks. My few practical tips are:

Don't worry too much about the "nursery"- ours still only really has a cot in it and, if you follow the SIDS guidelines, the baby will be in your room every night for months, anyway.

Try and plan where you will do certain tasks e.g. changing and feeding. I hadn't and we spent the first couple of hours home from hospital clearing out the utility room so we could change nappies by a sink (which I'd recommend).

Routines and bedtimes: I'm still not a great one for routines (DD nearly 5 mths) and bedtime was simply when we went to bed until she was approx 3 mths. Most babies get themselves into some sort of a pattern and then it's up to you how mcuh you try to fiddle with that to make it suit you better.

Bathing: it's not complusory to bath babies every day, although some people like it as part of a bedtime routine when established. I only used a baby bath about 3 times- then she started coming in with either me or DP, which was nicer for all of us.

Feeding: I was advised not to buy any bottles or sterilising kit as I hoped to breast feed. By the time we got home that was already proving to be a futile hope so DP had the hassle of rushing out to buy all the kit (with no idea of what criteria to chose on!). I'm sure most people buy the necessary in advance regardless, but if not I would suggest at least planning what you will get if you need to.

Finally, I'd done plenty of reading before she was born but have barely picked up a book about babies since, so can't really recommend one. Your baby will be the best teacher you could have. Good luck and enjoy yourself!

I really like The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears. It has a particular perspective (attachment parenting) but also lots of very helpful general information, and encourages you to trust your instincts. A lot of libraries seem to have it so you might not even have to fork out!
I found books like What To Expect ... rather bossy and scaremongering, and books by routine gurus to be useless and confidence-sapping. But each to their own :)
Good luck, all the previous posts have given sage advice, and don't panic.

I had no clue either! I just follow his lead and do what he wants, if he's upset I check:

is he hungry?
does he need a clean nappy?
is he hot/cold?
does he want a cuddle?
does he want to play/be sung to?

if none of the above he is tired and a stroll in the pram or a ride in the car will send him off :-)

sometimes he is hungry and tired at the same time, if this happens we help him fall asleep then when he wakes up he eats.

At the end of the day every baby is different and there is no right or wrong way :-) You'll be great!!

Bath and bedtime are two things you really don't have to think about at all, if you don't want to. It's quite OK to let the baby sleep when s/he is tired, and as the midwife will tell you, newborn babies aren't exactly playing in muddy puddles yet so they don't get dirty (apart from the nether regions, which should get cleaned many times a day anyway

Breastfeeding is one thing I would look into extensively beforehand. All the other stuff can and will sort itself out in time. But getting breastfeeding established is, too often, a baptism of fire and you may well be spending most of your time in the early days doing it/thinking about it/worrying about it. Be aware that family/friends/certain-book-authors-to-remain-nameless may be clueless about breastfeeding, hence the importance of advice from reliable sources.

I would recommend "Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding", "Bestfeeding" by Mary Renfrew, or the books published by NCT or La Leche League. Also, your midwife should have given you a DVD called "From Bump to Breastfeeding" which is wonderfully informative and also very easy to watch. If you don't have it you can watch it here.

Good luck!!

Thanks for all your replies.

I will look into that book, what is attachment parenting though?! There seem to be so many different styles and methods to choose between! How do you know what's right for you and your family?!

Thanks

Everything is right about picking and choosing...and remember, no matter how many books you read, your baby won;t have read them So if whatever you do doesn't work, then do not worry, as pretty damn sure you won;t have done anything wrong

Ah ... you will just know (although it might take a little while!!)

Dr Sears has a definition of attachment parenting which is too prescriptive for my liking (although I did all those things, I'm the sort of parent that hates being told what to do ) My own definition was "carrying the baby and keeping her close as possible both day and night, quickly responding to her needs including the need for comfort, and never ignoring crying."

There are as many different styles as there are people - and it's often impossible to know which yours will be before you have your baby in your arms. These things are very instinctive, based on emotional judgements - and that is the way it should be!

Lurking on the MN boards may give you good view of the sorts of issues that parents get exercised about, so you could start to form some of your own ideas about things?