Would you "out" yourself to your DC about fertility treatment?

[instantfamily]

I am afraid that one day my DC will ask me if they were conceived naturally and I won't know how to answer. They are triplets so someone intelligent will surely ask them if they are "natural"/tell them they are Frankensteins, etc.

The true answer is that I did have fertility treatment, but do I want them to know this?

The only thing that would mess them up is if you hide it, because if you do hide it it tells them that it is something to be ashamed of.

Knittingisbetter, aren't there a lot of people who have had IVF or other fertility treatment feeling that this is a taboo?

I agree that it is a good idea to talk to them about this early, but as with other sex education I believe it should be questions coming from them.

I give thanks to modern fertility treatment every time I look at the DC, but I do still feel a sense of unease at the thought of the artificial insemination. Again, important not to pass on to the DDs.

I absolutely agree with you that it's as and when the questions are asked. But if you're having the birds and bees conversation, you can drop it in without it being at all scary (or going into any technical details). Perhaps knitters could tell you where she got her book? I have something similar for my DS when the time is right.

And I don't think anyone is going to tell them they are Frankensteins - there are so many children conceived through fertility treatment now that it's really not that unusual any more.

I certainly don't think it's a dirty secret, I don't feel shame or anything negative about it. I just balk at the idea of it being a piece of information that really small children need to know, when you wouldn't probably tell them about the more conventional method.

However this thread has made me think because I fully take on board the idea of making it normal to them. DS is getting older and probably needs to know now. (Just not when he was 3 or 4...)

instantfamily, sadly there are many people who seem to think it's taboo, which is so sad because it is very common nowadays and really shouldn't be seen as anything that we should guilty about. That is why I'm very open about it, because then people know that it's a normal thing and produces perfectly normal children .

I agree the questions should come from them initially, but all children are curious about this stuff at some point and will ask questions and that is the time (IMO) to start mentioning it.

I have to be careful because DS2 was a natural conception so can't labour the "you're very special" line too much or he might get upset!

Uneprune, if you told a "really small child" they wouldn't understand what you were talking about anyway! I Whenever anything about IVF comes on the tv I do say to DS1, "look, that's how you were made"! and he smiles at me, but has noooo idea what I'm talking about!

I'm racking my brains to try and remember the name of the book - it's in his bedroom so will turf it out tomorrow and let you have the link.

I agree with everyone on here though who has said it's always best to tell someone something like this before they find out another way - then you're in control.

I can confidently say that I have never been watching tv with ds and ivf has come up! WHAT are you watching?!

I think you are right, for the generation of our children fertility treatment will be like so many other medical treatments.

They will also be used to their parents being adressed as their grannies by strangers

Found it!

The news!! Nothing sinister! IVF is often covered on the news - it was on only a week or so ago talking about donor conception!

thanks for the link. The title "I'm a little Frostie" is giving me goose flesh again, though, Knitting!

Did our parents tell us all the details of how they were made? tbh, if they weren't so obviously candidates for fertility treatment, I don't think I would tell them. call me chicken.

My family did. We each know where we were conceived, the circumstances round the conception etc. I actually quite like that - it's part of who we are as a family (possibly slightly peculiar :o)

We also knew that my mother had had years of infertility and several miscarriages and that we were really special because we were the ones that made it through but that there may have been other brothers and sisters. I can't remember when I found all this out but it wasn't a big night of revelation - I distinctly remember us all laughing about the fact that my younger sister was conceived on the carpet in front of the gas fire in my gran's living room :o

Sweet isn't it? Were your triplets frosties? My frosties didn't make it .

My parents had real problems having a family - to the point were they were told they would probably remain childless . Fertility treatment didn't exist then so they could do nothing about it. They went on holiday and got pg with my sister - three years later they had four kids!

Triplets will attract a lot of attention - tbh, even twin parents nowadays often get asked if they are naturally conceived or not! This is partly because there is so much more publicity about IVF (it even appears on the news regularly ) so people are naturally nosey curious.

I really don't see any problem in telling them. In fact, dh said it was great that he could tell DS he was conceived in a lab as he then didn't have to have the embarrassing sex talk!!

Well, LadyB, that is a tad unusual

I feel neutral about it, not proud.

I think I have been guilty of TMI there

Both of my 2 were conceived by IVF and delivered by c-section. I think we've always told them as part of "their" story, though to be honest I'm not sure that it has meant that much to them yet (they're 9 and 7).

I think with multiples, then there is a higher risk that they'll get asked at some point. It would feel odd to lie about it.

I think that your concern about Frankensteins is misplaced tbh. I don't think that they're that likely to be questioned by other kids, nor that many other children would have the confidence in their knowledge to be able to tease them.