Does it have to be: older sibling gets largest bedroom?

[CoffeeMum]

Am interested to hear from anyone who has done otherwise. We have an older DS and a younger DD, they are two years apart. I'm quite keen to give DD the larger bedroom in our new house [and it is a fair bit larger], but my reasons are totally superficial and probably based on ignorant prejudice, so please put me right!

I tend to think a girl will keep a room 'nicer' than a boy, and is more likely to do bedroom-based activity, rather than dashing around [though i appreciate both will do lots of both]. The larger room is really lovely, with a beautiful original fireplace, and part of me wonders if it will more appreciated by a girl. Also, is it even remotely fair to say that girls rooms are prettier, and boys rooms get messier?

By the way, there will also be a playroom for them both to use.

I know i'm probably being so presumptious and blinkered, but is there any validity in my arguments? Thanks all.

No, there's no validity in your arguments. They're both sexist and inaccurate, and it makes you sound as if you prefer your daughter to your son.

Sexist: more bedroom-based activity? Assuming you don't mean she'll be bonking her boyfriend in there, I wonder whether you actively encourage your girl to sit nicely and do quiet ladylike things and your son to get out there and be manly? Because that's the only explanation I can think of for that assumption. How old are your children now?

Inaccurate: I'm sure lots of people with teenage daughters will come and tell you that they do not keep their rooms nice, nor do they appreciate original architectural features.

Preferring your daughter: As for prettier - well, my aesthetic preference is for girly rooms, but it's not really about you, is it? You cannot tell your elder that he gets the small room because boy things aren't attractive, how hurtful!

I think there are sometimes valid reasons for a younger sibling to get a bigger room. You have none of those reasons. And I hope your son doesn't pick up on the fact that you think he's a messy ungrateful slob without anything aesthetically pleasing about his environment.

Give the larger room to the child with the most toys, and/or needs the extra floorspace.

In my household, the messiest room belongs to one of my daughters.

My DD2 has a double room (just about fits a double bed) whereas DD1 has a single, although longer than DD2's. This came about as DD2's room was a spare room before she came along. To me DD1 was settled in her room so it made sense.

None of your reasons make much sense to me tbh

I was going to say that it doesn't have to be so, but then when I read your OP I changed my mind!

I was going to say that I had the smaller bedroom as an oldest child and I liked it that way as we tended to play in my little sister's room and my room was a bit more of a grown up place.

My own oldest has the smaller room as before we had this arrangement my three year old used to bring her friends to play in her older sister's room, as it it was an attraction and she would return from school and the place would be wrecked. So we keep all the toys in the younger ones room. The oldest has her 'precious things' and her books and desk away from the smudgy fingers of a three year old.

But your reasons are bonkers!

No, teenage (or even 20+) daughters do not always keep rooms tidier than sons.

And yes, DD, if you are lurking, this means you....

absolute bonkers reasons

dd1 has the smallest room and the little share the bigger room

because the niggest room needs to be shared and dd1 woukd prefer not to share

And not to pile on, but am I right in understanding that your daughter isn't even a year old yet? So you're worrying about this for a one year old and a three year old?

you are a daft mare

They're not great reasons, are they? I have a twin brother, and when we got our own rooms my was(and is) almost always messier.
I don't think either of us would have particularly appreciated a fireplace as an interesting architectural feature, regardless of our respective genders.
It's fairer that your oldest child gets the big room, in my opinion, even if it ends up being less pretty.

I can quite see your point slighty but if your children aren't even school age yet then u have no reason to think that your DD will be anymore cleaner than your DS or any of the other reasons u gave.

I have no experience in this as my DS is only 8mths and in a box room at the moment

But with my girl cousin, when the family moved house when they turned into teenagers, she actually got the smallest room coz she would be leaving home sooner than her younger brother(3 yrs younger).

Put one in the play room and save the large room for guests if it will be unappreciated by the babies

Aw bless... wait til she starts walking and see how quickly your preconceptions of pretty ladylike little girls crumbles

My eldest has the smallest room because the two younger are both boys so it makes a little bit more sense for them to share now to avoid reshuffling of sleeping arrangments when they get older... dd and ds1 were sharing the (really) big room until that and the small room was a pc room/dumping ground.

We are just in the middle of a loft conversion, DD who is 5 will get our old room which is the second biggest room, DS1 (15) was going to stay in his room, the third largest, however has decided to move to a much smaller room so DS2, who is 3, can have a larger room as he has more toys that need space to play with, such as train track, than DS1 who really only has his computer and wii. DS3 will get the smallest room, however when DS1 leaves for uni, DS3 will move to his room and DS1 will get the small room then. For me it's all about the space needed for playing when younger. DS1 and DS2 are much tidier and keep their rooms much neater than DD......by a mile!

I don't really see why it's 'fairer' for the eldest to automatically get the biggest room, but then as the youngest of four myself, I probably wouldn't!

DS is my oldest, two years older than DD, and he is currently in the (slightly) smaller room, but there has been quite a lot of swapping between those two rooms & the spare room in the 19 years we've been in this house.

Wow, some great points here, and also some really, really harsh and downright mean ones. To the person who said I sound as if I prefer my DS to my DD, you made me choke back tears at the thought, and it took me about two hours this morning to stop dwelling on that horrific idea. So, thanks for that.

Okay, i am clearly being sexist and ill informed, as i said in my original post, I am quite happy to be told so! To explain, I am an only child, so i know nothing, basically, about anything to do with having siblings - this is why i wanted advice. And yes, i was a cliche of a girl who did keep her room nice and sit nicely and colour for hours. I would have really loved a beautful fireplace in my room. My DH on the other hand tells me he was barely in his room, too busy out playing rugby, though he was an avid reader and did this lying on his bed [interestingly, he had the boxroom, his younger sister had the bigger room]. Maybe he was a cliche of a boy too?

I suppose I am more interested in whether it is automatic and generally assumed that the older gets the bigger room [which always seems slightly odd - surely the oldest got a fair bit of undivided attention before sibling arrived? - is it time for the youngest to get a bit of a perk? - just thinking out loud].

I am genuinely, genuinely trying hard not to restrict my DS or DD to gender roles - i bake cakes with DS and am about to buy him a toy kitchen. My DD is frequently mistaken for a boy. I am completely open to my kids being and doing what they want to do.

To the person who said i am overthinking because my kids are so small, fair point, but, we are about to move into this house, and i'd rather just get the kids settled into their rooms once and for all, rather than say, swopping in five years.

To the person who called me a daft mare, well, that's fine, it's your opinion, but it'd be a little bit more valid if you backed up your argument and shared your reasons for thinking i'm a daft mare.

But to everyone who supplied real life experiences and wisdom, thank you very much. I fully admit i am a novice mum, and am at the bottom of the learning in terms of raising siblings, so any information on that front is much appreciated.

I think i'll bow out of this thread now. Thank you for your replies, but given that i stated upfront that I might be barking mad, i fully expected criticism, but not downright personal insults.

bye bye

My brother is four years older than I am. I was given the larger bedroom simply because I was the girl. We were both under 10 when we moved into the house so both at the playing with toys stage - although 40 years ago toys were few and far between anyway.

I think there have been some very unfair comments to the OP. I don't see why she shouldn't be thinking about this even although her children are so young. I assume they will stay in the house for a few years at least and I do think that once the rooms are allocated it would be more difficult to change them around without it looking unfair.

it is unfair to give a child the largest room just because she is a girl or boy.

Also, your children might have different ideas down the road and want to swap rooms by their own accord!

Ive always shared a room at the family house, once with 3 other siblings out of nesscesity, and was never given preference as the eldest.
Each xmas we changed the present opening system, ie, 1995 i started, 1996, my baby sibling opened first, next yr middle sibling blah, blah.
worked out pretty well tbh.
The only reason i can think of the eldest having the biggest room is that they had first pick, so got the one they wanted, or as compensation, ie, they babysit or help more with the younger ones, and need their own space more.

I agree with all those who have daughters whose rooms have always looked like the flat out of the Young Ones.

I had bigger room growing up.... basically my brother hadront - but got allowed brand new cabin bed, and i made do with old furniture... BUT my mum took in foregin students, B & B style, so i always got turfed out of my room for campbed in mum's room (SHUDDER)

Then we had extension built when we were about 12 and my brother took downstairs room - again - if students - he moved back to small room.

I had the bigger room and I was the middle child between two boys. The deal was that I got the larger room but when grandparents came to visit I got turfed out. Never worried me in the slightest and Have just given dd the larger room for the same reason in our house and she is the youngest of three.

I don't think your reasons make sense, but with my two the baby has the bigger room than the toddler, just for practical reasons that we keep changing table and an extra sofa bed in the babys room, and toddlers room although small has alot of storage, good high shelves for keeping craft things out of reach that i can get down for him etc. Both are boys though, it's done more on their needs due to age than gender related. When i have more i'll stick these two in the bigger room and make the smaller one for a baby though I think.
Obviously its up to you which rooms you put them in but I would think more practically in terms of storage etc than just "girl will keep it nicer"

I totally understand your wish to have a pretty, girly bedroom for your daughter so don't think you are a daft mare at all. Ignore the criticism and enjoy decorating your DC's rooms in your new house.

My DD is 10 and my DS is 6. DS has the much larger room as he has all the larger toys - castles, huge vehicles, garages while DD is now into tiny expensive things like makeup, jewellry and ipods!
DD has a very pink girly room even though its small and DD has a very blue boys football room.Both of them love being out running wild but they both spend lots of time in their room.
DS especially can play for hours with some cars and a road rug! I know your kids are aged the other way round but i do think boys tend to have the bigger toys a lot longer than girls - well in my experience anyway.

I have an older brother there is 18 months between us. There was a swop around in our house when we were kids and I was given the biggest room because I was a girl (shock horror).

I didnt have any say in the matter but I remember a big discussion about it with Grandparents, aunts etc and the general vibe was girls when they get older have more stuff, clothes, dressing table etc.

It is a tricky decision though, its rare to get rooms all the same size someone always ends up in the box room!