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Original poster

school shoes, please help

22 replies

curableromantic · 31/08/2010 11:03

I'm shivering despite the warm weather - today I must take our 12 year old boy to buy school shoes. We have just got him (adopted) and so are trying to fight our battles where strictly necessary. He is starting at a v. ordinary local school, definitely not posh at all, but the website says no trainers. He says he can wear leather all-black trainers. Is this true? We wouldn't want to have to fork out on new ones right away, but also don't want him to be any more stressed about starting school than he has to be...

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roisin · 31/08/2010 11:06

Most schools are very strict about trainers/shoes these days. The boundary between trainers and shoes is quite blurred, but if you go into Clarks and have a look at what classifies as a "shoe" in their eyes, you might find something mutually acceptable.

roisin · 31/08/2010 11:07

What day does school start? The staff will be in for a couple of days before. You could phone up and ask some advice from the school?

mummytime · 31/08/2010 11:32

Phone the school and get it from the staff there. Has he been to this school before? IF not he doesn't know what he is talking about. If he has he maybe trying to put it on. Schools I know (2 or 3 secondaries) would send a note or the child home if they were wearing trainers.

If he is really admimant he won't wear school shoes, after you have checked with the school. IF you know another boy of similar age or older at the school, talk to him about shoes, and then get him to talk to your son. (Different schools may have very different attitudes, if it is a new school he maybe feeling very nervous.)

Does the school know about the adoption btw? If not do let them know, so they can provide extra pastoral support as necessary.

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Original poster

curableromantic · 31/08/2010 11:45

Thanks. He refused to go to school for the last 3 months in his previous home (with granny). Now with us in a different city, new school...

We don't know anyone with kids at that school (have only just moved here ourselves) so can't ask. We're due to speak to the school tomorrow to discuss pastoral care so perhaps best to delay the shopping trip..

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mummytime · 31/08/2010 12:05

I would talk to the school, but do also try to find someone who goes to the school. (Even the shoe shop assistants may have been, so may be able to help.)

With the school I would try to have a meeting without him as well as time with him. Just so you can ask questions such as about shoes, with the school being able to give you a more honest answer than if he is there.

See if they have a counsellor he can be referred to, my DS's school does and they would be very helpful in a case like this. (And at schools local to me they are often young and cool.)

Original poster

curableromantic · 01/09/2010 09:30

I spoke to the school secretary this morning, waiting to speak to the head of year 8 later today.

She said they are very strict on shoes and no trainers allowed. Bracing myself for a shopping trip later today.

Are there any reasonably cool but suitable shoes??

Mummytime we are very keen to get DN to a counsellor, there are many many issues to be dealt with, but he won't consider it. He is completely 'closed' in that respect. We're left with the option of forcing him to go and sit there in silence. I definitely want to have the meeting without him (well he can have a meeting as well of course) because his behaviour is a big problem, at his previous school he was telling teachers to eff off at age 11. This is not good...

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chimchar · 01/09/2010 09:43

do you know what? i'd go with a good comprimise...you're right to pick your battles....

if he is going to school feeling all "wrong" in what he wears, it will just make him feel more uncomfortable, and possibly make his behaviour worse.

what about something like this?

hope it goes ok..

chimchar · 01/09/2010 09:49

another

loads!

i work with teenage boys with behavioural problems...honestly, i'm sure that if he feels he looks ok from the off, his self esteem will be better and he will feel more able to fit in. (plus i HATE wearing shoes that aren't "me" iykwim!)

savoycabbage · 01/09/2010 09:50

They look good. I agree with chimchar. I would rather search for something he will wear than make him feel uncomfortable at a new school.

What about Kickers?

Lancelottie · 01/09/2010 09:51

I've been scouring the dreaded Clarks range and finding it very hard to tell what's meant to be a shoe and what's a trainer anyway! Lots of their styles don't go up large enough for older boys, but this might do?

(now off to persuade DS2 that yes, he does need shoes...)

Original poster

curableromantic · 01/09/2010 10:27

Chimchar, but won't adidas be trainers? I think that was exactly what he had planned, plain black leather trainers, but the school said shoes. I've searched some threads and apparently ben sherman are 'allowed' among the cool set. I saw these. But am panicking because I bet everyone else has left buying school shoes till today. I have an overnight work trip leaving tonight and won't even be here when he starts tomorrow. DP will though.

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JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 01/09/2010 10:39

Disclaimer: My ds is only just going into Y5 so his idea of cool is probably somewhat different to that of your ds (congratulations, btw :) )

He has these which he loves. They seem beautifully made, but they're almost £40

However, here's an M&S alternative

Good luck! Do let us know how you get on.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 01/09/2010 10:42

Oh, oh, oh! It might be worth posting on the teenagers forum. I wouldn't have been seen dead in Clarks or M&S shoes when I was 12/13. But then again I was a PITA girl, and I don't think the styles were as appealing back then, either.

Original poster

curableromantic · 01/09/2010 10:43

just showed him those clarks ones, Jenai, and he seemed quite keen. I don't think he's all that fussy, just specifies they shouldn't be shiny like granny got him last time he started a new school.

My mum sent me to a new school, mid-year in the summer uniform (a flowery dress) which wasn't compulsory till half term.

Six weeks of being the new girl in a flowery frock that no-one else wore, anyone?

Then they discontinued it so I got another 6 weeks of the same.

On grounds of the above, new DS will have the very most perfect articles that can be procured .

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Original poster

curableromantic · 03/09/2010 07:51

Jenai So in the end we bought plain black leather adidas trainers for sports which DN is thrilled with. He keeps getting them out the box! He's going to wear them on the first day and see what the other boys are wearing, then we'll nip out in the afternoon to get them.

And thanks for your congratulations! - Do you know noone else has congratulated me. The usual response on being told we've taken on a pre-teen is open-mouthed horror and gasps at our bravery, but actually he is a very sweet boy and I'm sure we'll be ok when we're used to each other.

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pippop1 · 03/09/2010 14:42

Looking "cool" at school is absolutely essential for self-esteem.

He and you are lucky to have found each other.

Have you bought the school bag yet? Also v important what "name" it has on it, which colour etc.

MrsMc82 · 03/09/2010 14:54

Congrats from me too....... Sounds like he's a lucky lad with a mum that's so thoughtful about him fitting in.... Hope his first day at school is ok.......

Aw that's just made me feel sad for you that noones congratulated you in RL! A new member of the family is definite cause for congratulations whatever the circumstances.......

MangoTango · 04/09/2010 13:27

Congratulations! :) I agree that he's a lucky lad with a mum that's so thoughtful about him fitting in. Sounds like he has previously been sent in wearing shoes that were embarrassing for him and which caused him to be laughed at. :( I remember a girl in my high school who had school uniform bought for her by the local authority and they bought her really awful shoes poor thing.

deemented · 04/09/2010 13:50

I know nowt about teenage boys, nor their shoes, but just wanted to say Congratulations!

MangoTango · 04/09/2010 14:24

Quite touching that he is thrilled with his new trainers and keeps getting them out of the box. Good idea about seeing what the other boys are wearing and buying some of those. :)

Original poster

curableromantic · 04/09/2010 17:50

Thanks all! Yes, he was very specific they shouldn't be too shiny like his last ones...

I do anticipate further threads in the same vein though .

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Ineed2 · 04/09/2010 22:02

Just thought I would say that my Dd2[14] who is very fussy about shoes had a pair of those trainers with the 3 velcro straps last winter, I made sure her trousers were long enough to cover alot of the trainer and she got away with it, despite the school not liking trainers. We found some that were all black with just the tiniest logo. Also I think you are brilliant to be so caring and I hope you and your family are very happy.

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