High needs/very demanding baby support area

[beyondexhausted]

Hello. I have a six month old baby who is leaving me utterly exhausted and wondering how I will continue to cope. He is wonderful and bright as a button but also very demanding. He requires constant attention and entertainment and screams sooo loud if his needs are being met (sometimes I can't work out why he shrieks so much). He just isn't like other babies his age and never really has been. He runs rings round me all day and leaves me completely done in. I have to take him out at least twice a day for a trip to the shops or a walk. If we stay in he screams and screams but if we go out he is interested in the surroundings and people and is content. At night he goes to bed at 7 then wakes to feed at 10. He then wakes at 2,3,4,5 until he finally gets up at 5.30. I'm so tired I feel like i'm not even alive anymore.I just wonder if anyone else out there has a similar baby or child and how they manage. I so want to enjoy my time with him but i'm just so tired.

Sears' Fussy Baby Book -- just because reading it tells you that you are not alone even though every other baby you know isn't like yours, and helps you to believe that it will get better.

And it does get better, slowly. I found once DS could walk (fortunately he was an early walker) he was much less frustrated, and once he could talk a bit things got easier again.

DD was similar, except she wanted to be held for all her daytime naps for the entire nap. and would scream hysterically if that didn't happen.

I hired a nursery nurse for 6 afternoons. She got her to nap in her cot (staying with her and just rocking her with a dummy) and I got some much needed respite. Once we cracked the daytime napping the rest became manageable. DD also much happier now she can crawl.

Upside is she loves cafes and restaurants :)

I will definitely read that book. Thanks for that. I can't afford anyone to help me out unfortunately. This may sound odd but I would be scared to leave him with someone outside the family due to his temprament. He could easily frustrate someone and as I have a friend whose baby was shaken by a carer it makes me very scared. I realise that I am probably being paranoid but that's how I feel.

I also find it frustrating how people feel the need to label him already whether it's in a nice way by calling him bright or telling me what a terrible toddler he will be. Whatever it is i'm always made to feel like he is the odd baby out and like I have to apologise for him even though he is only little :(

Hi

You poor thing, you sound exhausted. My LO (10wks) needs fairly constant attention during the day (won't be pput down for more than 10mins usually) but fortunately has started sleeping a bit better at night. I can't imagine if the clingyness goes on for 6 months.

Don't know if it will help, but I bought The Baby Sleep System which goes through the different sleep training systems. The books not a great deal better than any other, but buying the book gives you access to the online support forum, which is great. You get feedback and advice from the author/team member every day about how you're progressing. I found it very helpful with the sleeping at night and it makes the day so much easier.

Hope you get to enjoy being a mummy soon

Hi
I had pretty much the same thing with my daughter who is now 7 months old. She would not nap during the day unless it was in the pram or car and was waking every hour during the night and sometimes even every ten minutes. She would only sleep in my arms and every time I put her down to sleep she would scream. And now she is very demanding during the day, she will scream if we are not sitting next to her or have her in our lap. She wants constant attention and entertaining and likes going out too, if we stay in too long in the morning she gets very restless.
What I did with the sleeping was to sort out her daytime naps first and got her to nap at regular times during the day and then we tackled the night time sleep. I always thought that she was hungry every time she woke up at night so instinctively put her to the breast to feed and eventually she started waking up every hour and I just knew that she wasn't hungry anymore. It's a comfort thing. She wakes up and knows that she'll get a cuddle and a drink of milk and so she'll wake up more and more, to the point that I developed post natal depression. I was so exhausted that I could not think of anything but sleep. I used to dread going to sleep at night because I knew that I would have to wake up every hour, at least. In the end we had to get a night nanny in to help us with her sleep and she guided us through the nights, when our daughter woke up she told us what to do. We learnt so much during those days and it's just too much to write on here. Please write to me and ask me everything you need to know because I know exactly how you feel and I would love to be able to help.

Thanks for the replies, nice to know i'm not the only one. Will write properly Kitsune later. Really feel for you having to go through PND as well. Must have been awful. Anyway will pop back later and write more but (as usual) the little one is demanding my atttention

Hi Kitsune, Don't seem to be able to post to you directly so will just post here later. Hope that's ok. Now, better get the little one out of the house!

Hi beyondexhausted.
Sorry didn't have time to reply until now, she is now in bed. :) It was like a vicious circle for me, as she wasn't sleeping at night I was too exhausted to go out during the day which led her to get bored and under stimulated but when you haven't had more than a 2 hour stretch of sleep for six months the last thing I wanted to do was to go out.
You haven't said if your son is napping during day or not, that is crucial. The more they nap during the day the better they will sleep at night time. I don't mean that he should sleep all day long but what a baby his age is supposed to sleep, for a six month old he should have 2-3 naps during the day for 2 1/4- 3 1/2 hours is ok but any more than that and it will disturb the night time sleep. For my daughter she seems to really like routine and of course every baby is different but maybe same goes for yours. We never let our daughter cry before the night nanny came and we started to let her cry a bit and realized that she actually gets rid of tension by crying. So some babies collects tension crying and other gets rid of tension. How you know is by listening to the cries. There is so much that I can tell you but it's easier if I know the details more specifically so maybe you can ask me questions instead. Anyways, as for the nights when he wakes up. Most babies at six months rarely get hungry during the night and if he is eating three meals then he shouldn't be hungry anymore, of course it varies from baby to baby. My baby was always bigger than average so I thought that she was hungrier than other babies which was why she woke up every hour to feed. What I had to do was to not pick her up when she woke at night and instead I made her aware that I was there and told her it was sleeping time and eventually she understood and stopped waking at night. Of course if they are hungry you should feed them. How do you know if they are hungry? Well any feeding less than ten minutes or so is probably just comfort sucking. I did still feed my daughter twice during the night though until she was on three solid meals a day. As for them being demanding during the day, I take her out in a sling and carry her facing the world, I know it's a controversial thing to do and you're not supposed to do it for a long period of time but I know that my baby likes being carried that way and she needs that much stimulation. It's your baby and you know what's best for him. I think there's so much information out there now that you forget to trust your own instincts. Take him to baby classes so he can play with other children and swimming tires them out loads.
I know it's hard to motivate yourself to go out when you're exhausted but try....
Ask me anything you want to know.
You are not alone and you are doing a great job.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Kitsune, your description of your LO's waking habits is the same as mine - she wakes every hour through the night, but also has 2 hours very early in th morning where she'll feed, sleep for ten minutes, wake, feed, sleep for ten minutes, etc etc.

I am beside myself with tiredness. we brought her into our bed to sleep when she was 3.5 months cos I couldn't cope with the tiredness anymore, and although it helps, it doesn't feel like a satisfactory solution.

i'd be interested to hear about your night nanny, though we can't begin to afford one!

Hi Sappholit
The person we got is actually someone that we know and she offered to come and help us for half of the price that she normally charges. I think it's £140 for the day or night but she charged us £70 instead. She lives in Gloucestershire and we live in London so it meant that she came and stayed for 3 nights and days. She is a professional nanny and has been for 27 years and she said that what happened to us is so incredibly common. As first time parents no one really tells you about these things. There are night nanny agencies you can get throughout the country, you can google it. I met someone that got a night nanny from an agency and she said with all the fees it cost her £200 for 12 hours. I mean to me I probably would have paid anything because I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

I will come back to this thread in about a week. So sorry for the brief reply. Have to go abroad for a week and the little one has been ill since I last posted. Really interested to hear everyone experiences. Hope the week goes well for all :)

Hi kitsune, I dont know if you still use mumsnet and I know this post was years ago, but I wondered if you could offer me some advice your night nanny gave you.
I'm struggling with a demanding 6 month old
Thank you so much!