Should it feel like something I am enduring?

[imregular]

I don't know where to start. I'm a regular but too ashamed to use my own name. I have several children, very close in age, all under 6 and life just feels like I am enduring it most of the time. My children show me no respect. The elder ones I find very challenging. The way they speak, the fact they ignore me. The way they either manipullate the younger ones to get them into trouble, and scream and cry like babies when they don't get their own way - like full on high pitched-make your teeth rattle with rage-demented cries.

DH is not much use. He either sits ignoring them and watching the TV or reading, or blows his top - that's the time he is there. He's normally out doing what he does, things loosly associated with the house/garden. He can be quite rough with them and I have read him the riot act about that, it has improved a lot.

I am so unhappy and end most days in a catatonic state, numbed with sadness that this is how my life is turning out.

I've tried all the positive parenting stuff, listening to them, giving individual attention, star charts, praising and trying to find them doing something good, distraction, getting them to set ground rules... They have helped a bit but nothing is ever enough. They get a nice treat, they want another and have a tantrum when they don't get it.

I am completely and utterly frazzled and have no idea how I am going to cope when I go back to work at the end of November.

You poor thing

The kids are playing up for attention, good OR bad . Your dh needs to step up, quite HOW you amke him do this I'm not sure. Can he not see how unhappy everyone is?

I called a family meeting after our 2 week holiday this year as I was fed up to the back teeth with how we all communicate with each other.

Me and dh decided it comes from the top and we had to lead by example-so we are trying to be 100% more enthusiastic, positive, patient, and loving towards our 3. It is very very hard and exhausting, and I feel like I am acting quite a lot of the time. But the results have paid off so far especially with our 14 yr old daughter who seemed to be at the epicentre of any dischord.

I think we are getting out what we are putting in. Its not all sweetness and light but I feel we have a firmer footing on which to bring up our children now rather than watching them go off the rails and resenting them for it

Yes, communication is definately a problem, from the top as you put it cyb. Yes, they do need more attention, I know that, and they are crying out for a more loving approach.

I am just spread so thinnly between them all and in many other ways too - financially, relationship with DH - I'm tired of being the upbeat one, the one to keep things going right down to the basics of running the house. (He's a pessimist and also really negative)

Thanks cyb. I will think about a chat like that. I spend alot of time 'acting' already. Outsiders think I'm a great mum and so calm - ha

Sounds like if your relationship with dh could perk up a bit things might cheer up all round

I could have written parts of your post myself!! There are times when I really don't like my children but I think its only me because the only posts I read seem to be delighting in the joys of parenthood!!

Mine also speak to me like they have scrapped me off their shoes sometimes and like yours no matter how much I do its never enough. I try but trying alone can be very draining! I am not the Mum I want to be and that makes me very sad.

We have a counselling service at work that I am using and what has come out of that is that I just don't spend enough time on me, I am either Mum, daughter of employee. I Have started to put myself first time just sometimes and not feel guilty about it of that it is wrong.

Oh, we have a counselling service at workj too, I didn't even think of that, thanks. I suspect the same may come out if I looked more closely. I spend all my time trying to be superwoman.