Plaiting long hair battle!

[Lyn3]

Hi! DD2 is three and has waist length hair, it is totally gorgeous - never been cut and I am loathe to do so. However, she goes to nursery and following repeated issues of nits, I need to tie her hair up each day. DD1 has the same hair and sits patiently lets me plait it - no issues - and doesn't keep catching nits. DD2 is a TOTAL nightmare - trying to hold her still to brush her hair is nearly impossible, let alone trying to plait it. I have tried bribes, threats ("I will cut it all off!"), distraction, stickers everything but she still fights and screams the place down. The screaming I can ignore, the fighting and kicking I can't. I have long hair myself, so I know that sometimes it does hurt when you brush it, but that is just the case with long hair. I smother her hair in leave in conditioner, so few knots, I can brush and plait a full head of hair in about 5 minutes (as been doing DD1 for years - plus mine, so am fairly quick now!), but I am at a loss how to get DD2 to sit still and let me do it. At the minute DH is sitting with her on his lap, physically holding her still, whilst she screams blue murder until it is done. It is horrible, but having had to treat her (and therefore all of us!) 5 times in the last 2 months for nits (what the hell is going on with the kids at her pre-school is beyond me??) due to her having loose hair, means that I am not prepared for her to go in with loose hair anymore. DD1 is at same pre-school - as I said - hair plaited every day - no fuss and no nits. I really don't think it is hurting her to have it done, I think it is just a case of her not wanting it to be done. She "knows her own mind" - and with her clothes and shoes etc I am willing to work with her and we compromise on what she wears but the hair I am not willing to compromise on. However, a 5 minute screaming pitched battle every morning when we are all trying to get out of the house, followed by a sobbing, sulking 3 year old, is not making it fun for anyone. 60 seconds after being dropped off at pre-school she is fine again, hair forgotten and apart from occasionally pulling her hair bands out during the day, she doesn't worry about it. I wonder if this has just turned into a battle of wills... with a three year old? Oh, also I have tried explaining to her the whole nit issue and even buying a book on them..... she loves the book, talks about them a lot.... but no impact at all on the hair brushing... Anyone else been through this? Got any suggestions? Please??
(thank goodness DC3 is a boy..... can't cope with any more long hair in this household!!)

She is three, it is totally understandable that she would find it hard to sit still and not yet be used to the pulling when brushing. Can you get her involved in choosing different hair bands/ornaments or plaiting styles? Failing that just cut it so that it is still quite long, but more manageable, it will grow back and by then she will be more used to it and also will want it done as she will not want to go to school with messy hair. Distract her with a favourite game (I spy etc..), DVD or the like. Is her hair fine or curly? If coarse and/or curlier you could try plaiting smaller plaits the night before, when you will have more time, they will stay in and can just be tied up the next morning. If she has finer hair you would have to use bands to keep them in and even then they may fall out. You could also get her a doll that she could practice herself with to make it more fun for her. I used to give my young nieces a lion with lots of hair to arrange while I combed and corn rowed their hair, which could take up to an hour.

Do try a Tangle Teezer and NitMix.

If she's had nits 5 times in 2 months then she isn't re-catching them, you just never got rid of them in the first place.

The life cycle of a nit is about 3 weeks and the solutions or single treatments don't work on all the stages of the cycle. What's most likely happening is that you are getting rid of the live/junior ones but not the eggs.

To completely get rid of them you need to use a nitty gritty comb and plenty of conditioner and comb it through every day for a week. Then you can drop it back to every 3 to 4 days for the next couple of weeks. If you then comb through with the nitty gritty/conditioner once a week you should keep them permanently at bay as they won;t get a chance to infest.

Aside from that, why won;t you cut it? At 3 the length of her hair is entirely for your benefit and it sounds like your life would be much simpler if you cut it. TBH, I feel a bit sorry for her, being pinned down while you force her to have her hair tied up when she hasn't asked for it to be so long in the first place. Cut it into a bob while she's young, it'll grow quickly enough when she's a bit older and more amenable to being 'messed'.

A short cut wont stop her getting head lice though.

My Dd has mid back length, extremely curly hair and as she starts nursery in September, I've started to brush it and plait it more often to get her used to it. I do find that if I put it in a decently tight plait it can often be left for a couple of days before undoing and brushing/plaiting again.

i think i would go on special mum and daughter shopping trip for sparkley bobbles and hair clips and let her choose the ones she wants to wear for school tomorrow

Agree 100% with cat64.

And agree short hair won't stop her getting nits but it will sure make it easier to deal with them.

Thank you for your replies. Her hair is curly on the ends and straight above that, as was mine when I was born, but I know from mine(and family trait)that as soon as the curls are cut off, that is it, hair is then dead straight from then onwards, hence being very reluctant to cut off her curls as I know they will then be gone for good. She does want her hair long, is very definite on that, insists she does not want it cut. I also think she would be devasted if hers is cut when her sisters (who she idolises and wants everything the same as, has waist length hair), I keep explaining to her that her sister has to sit still and have it done and she watches me do her hair, asks for the same style, will sit for me to do it and then 30 seconds later runs off. I have had to cut a few knots out at times as it would have been too much to brush them out, but do not want to keep resorting to that as it will end up looking a mess. In terms of hair bands, bobbles and glittery clips - we have an awful lot here (mostly pink and glittery!!) - which she gets to choose from and she always is happy to pick out her clips for the day before we start, but then it goes wrong....., but I haven't tried taking her to the shop to chose her own ones from their - I will try that next - (thank you for the suggestion!), so that she has her own specific ones, rather than from the communual house hair clip box (which gets sprayed with denitting spray regularly too - along with car seats - all bedding and soft toys on bed, washed and tumble dried at hottest setting - is there anywhere else I am missing?). In terms of the nits, she is getting cleared each time... I am treating with the overnight stuff, then combing through with a nit comb, with the stuff on... then afterwards every couple of days... then treating again a week later and am now like a woman possessed looking for the little sods each evening... and their are definitely breaks inbetween when she is nit free. Anyone even attempts to scratch their head in this household and I am on them!!! I do manage to get the nit comb through the hair each time, but it takes about an hour, serious bribery,following her around the house with the nit comb and the whole family doing a song and dance routine in front of her to distract her whilst I am doing it - which as you can imagine is not practical on a daily basis - but no doubt entertains anyone passing who glances through our windows!! I do feel dreadful having to pin her down whilst her hair is put up/plaited - and do it as quick as (and as gently!) as physically possible, to get it over and done with, but do not want to keep putting her through this, that is why I am looking for any suggestions that anyone has to make it easier?? Plaits don't last more than a day, because her hair is not all the same length, therefore after sleeping on it, most of the front bits have come out. Tangle Teezer I have not tried - I will look for that - thank you. Have been using the Aussie leave in conditioner. I know that short hair would be easier to deal with, but I so much do not want to cut her beautiful curls off.... if she chooses to herself in a few years time (obv at hairdressers - don't meant with pair of scissors at home), then that is her decision... but I can't bring myself to do it at the moment. I am hoping this is just a phase and she will eventually just sit still and let me do it??

I really think that the hairbrush can make a HUGE difference. I bought a tangle tamer (which I think is similar to the tangle teezer) and I couldn't believe the difference and how much quicker and easier brushing was. I even use it fairly often on my own long curly hair - it is better than my very expensive mason pearson. My DD1 (now 5) has had waist length v curly and tangle prone hair since about 2 and although she now loves having her hair done so that it looks nice, it used to be a nightmare. That brush helped hugely.

I would also suggest that you plait it at bed time (when you maybe have a bit more time on your hands) then in the morning when you take out the plait it will be tangle free and you can just run a brush through and re-plait very quickly rather than having a battle and making you all late in the morning.

One more thought - i often used to brush and plait DD2's hair (she was a real struggler) while she was eating her breakfast as she'd be very happily tucking into her toast / cereal and not take much notice of me fiddling with her hair.

NellytheElephant and Solo - thank you!! Had not heard of either the tangle tamer/tangle teezer - have just looked on Amazon - and ordered one for each DD in different colours, so DD2 can chose her colour and hopefully let me give it a go. Also came across 'Nitty Gritty' headlice preventative spray - has anyone tried that?

My DSD hated her hair being touched never mind brushed, she'd start screaming at the sight of a brush!! so I went out bought her a wide toothed brush, pink mirror and a box with bobbles in and from that day she has never cried, winged, or moaned about her hair

My three year old has hair nearly that long and hates having it brushed. We use a detangler spray which helps, and have recently started using a Tangle Teaser brush. It is good and I can now brush it, but it does only brush on the surface and the underneath tends to get knotted,

I have recently persuaded her to have her hair in two plaits. Earlier this holiday she and DS watched Return to Oz for the first time and Dorothy in that has her hair in plaits. Now she wants 'Dorothy plaits' everyday!

try a detangle spray - might help with the tugs...

I always use the NitMix for both easy combing out of lice and nits and for prevention.

WillowFae, try sectioning small pieces of your Dd's hair so that the Tangle Teezer gets the underside knots. My Dd is mixed race (black Caribbean) with very curly European type hair and the TT does a great job.

Some things I do are: sit DD in front of her favourite morning programme

Give her the hairband/clip box (if we're in my room I have a box of junk jewellery that I give her as a distraction

I use a very soft brush day to day - a baby brush in fact! And brush it through properly at bath time with the conditioner in

I use a water spray bottle to help tame the flyaway bits too.

It will be a shame when you come to cut the curls off, but her hair being even cut to below her shoulder blades, so it's still long, might make a big difference with tangles.