Anyone with a 4/5 year gap?

[Fourleaf]

Hi all,

DS is only 9 months so this is really planning ahead , but I'm starting to think it would be pretty perfect to have DC2 when DS is about 4/5 and has started school (or at least pre-school). Does anyone have this gap? Pros and cons?

TIA! :)

Hmmm... should probably clarify that I know no gap is 'perfect'.

I have 5. Pro it is much easier to deal with a 5 yo and a newborn than having a toddler and a newborn.
You have a little helper (mine is a DD so help a lot with her little doll). No need for double buggies....
The cons are it is quite hard to manage school runs and newborn (but I have no help at all as we live abroad, it might be easier if you have some freinds and familly around).

I have a 6 year gap, is excellent as far as I am concerned. DS1 is a help, there is no jealousy and the way DS2 looks at him is amazing.

I have a four and a half year gap and have found it to be very manageable. Ds was old enough to understand that the arrival of dd did not mean anything to sinister and loved being able to help out. Ds being at school meant I was able to nap during the day and have lots of newborn snuggle time. Dd, now two, absolutely adores her big brother. I will say that the ages of eighteen months to two and a half was tricky as they didn't really play together butnow dd is bit older they play all kinds of games together. They do fight sometimes but don't all siblings! I have to say I don't think I could have coped with them any Closer together!

6 yr gap, recently lived with 14mnths and just turned 4 yr old. Thanked heaven for the gap I have. Not always perfect as DD2 wants to do everything DD1 does incuding playing out, riding bike etc but it's not too bad and each gets lots of one to one due to school, differing bedtimes and things. I'd say around that gap is probably pretty easy to cope with.

Please excuse typos.....dodgy phone!

I'm interested in this as I've got 22 months between mine but if we had a third I'd want both DDs at school first. Nothing to add, just marking my place!

5 year gap. It's brilliant. DS1 is very loving and kind to ds2 and it feels great all round.

Ds2 loves the school run, so many new faces every day.

My boys are 3 and 8, I was 16 weeks pregnant when DS1 went to school and it was lovely as I had a few months to myself and time for me and the baby when it arrived in Feb.

I am pg with DC3 now and DS2 is starting full time on Sept 20th and I will again have a few months to myself before baby arrives then time with the baby on my own when they all go back to school or work after the half term.

Another Feb baby, dunno how we did that!

They do bicker and fight a bit now but no more than they would if either was younger or older. And te 8yr old entertains the 3 yr old whenever I need him too :)

I have a 7 and half year age gap between my 2. Have had no jealousy to deal with as ds was old enough to understand about dd when she was born. I do find it hard sometimes when we go out for the day as they have very different interests/abilities.

Luckily ds is fairly independent for example when we went to Disney last week dd is not big enough to go on many of the rides ds likes so we would get a fast pass ticket for him and dd and I would wait at the exit of the ride for him.

loving this thread - I'll have a 4.5yr age gap when DC2 arrives and was a bit worried it would be too big. thanks for the positive comments.

5.2 years between DDs 1 and 2.

Was great - DD1 had not long started school so I had some time with the baby and to rest, and when she was home she was independent enough to take herself to the loo, get a drink, play alone or nicely with friends etc.

She also slept all night so I only had one waking.

Bit harder now in some ways as DD1 is nearly 12 and DD2 is 6.5, so have very different needs.

We have a 4yrs 6 mths gap between DSS (now 15) and DS1 (now 10) and 4 yrs 3 mths between DS1 and DS2 (now 6). Both times this has been perfect for us. DS2 was born April when DS1 was at nursery so we had Mummy and baby time every afternoon, I then had all summer on maternity leave and when DS2 was a little older ie 5 mths we had all day together while DS1 was at school.

DSS and DS1 were fantastic with DS2 when he was born and able to feel involved, I made sure we did things like reading time when I was BF DS2 and they were able to help with things like nappies and bathing.

Now all 3 boys play together really well although I think the 2 and 6 gap was the hardest as the games DS1 invented were too complicated for DS2 to understand!

I would not change the gaps for anything and am currently telling DH that we are seriously overdue another baby

Good luck whatever gap you decide to go for.

I have 16 months between DS1 and DD, then 6 years between DD and DS2 so have seen both sides. Small gap lovely now, bloody hard work at the time. Big gap - nothing but lovely so far (DCs are 10, nearly 9 and 2.5). Big ones are fantastic with the little one, love him to bits and he worships them. I anticipate the differing wants/needs problem increasing though - so far we're only at the Waybuloo vs Dr Who stage and have managed to 'manage' the other differences :)

5 yr gap, just great. Don't know how people cope with a newborn and toddler, all respect to them!! DS was old enough to understand that (often!) I needed to do things for baby and he could entertain himself without me worrying that he was doing anything dangerous and also he liked helping. DD thinks DS is fantastic and hilarious and DS loves doing things to make her laugh. They even play together which I sort of didn't expect! (DS now 6, DD 18 months) DD goes to bed earlier than DS so thats the time we do all the things like lego and games that she would trash and think he enjoys having that 'grown-up' time. While he's at school, I get time with DD and also time to myself when she has a nap, it's ace! I suspect it may be a bit more difficult as they get older as the kind of things they want to do will be different but at the moment the little one is happy to do most things her big brother wants to do and he is amazingly tolerant of doing baby stuff too.

5 yr gap here as well. Same pros: dd very loving to ds, no jealousy at all, time for me and baby when dd is at school which helped with bf and getting some rest. Ds adores her big sister (when she's not at home, i hold him close to her photo on the mantelpiece and he always smiles at it, i am not sure he realises it's just her photo and not her )
The only thing is i wonder whether they will ever share games and playtime? By the time he's 3 or 4 she'll be 8-9...

Thanks for the replies - I think it (mostly) sounds a great gap and one I could cope with! DH is keener on 3 years so we'll see...

I have three years between DS1 and 2 and four years between DS2 and 3. So 7 years between DS1 and 3. All age gaps seem to be fine. Ds 1 and 2 do fight but also play together and it's easy when going to the cinema or for days out, as they're not too far apart. Both adore DS3. The baby/toddler years are so magical that I'm really pleased that DS1 and 2 will both have clear memories of it. They do all play together and DS1 and 2 have egged DS3 on to become really cheeky!

Ds2 is just 10 weeks, ds1 is 4:5 and dss is 9. The two older boys play brilliantly together now ds1 is old enough to understand the rules of dss's games...

Pros of 4-year gap with little one- ds1 is very eager to help, understands the need to be gentle, doesn't feel threatened, since a baby is a different creature to a big boy who's ready for school, and is able to entertain himself to some extent. The baby thinks that his two big brothers are the most exciting things on the planet and rserves all his best smiles for them :)

Cons- despite adoring his baby brother, I think it is tough for ds1 as he's been used to a lot of exclusive adult attention for 4 years now. He's a little more emotionally on edge than usual atm. And I can't just stay in bed all day feeding the little one after a particularly bad night...

But I'd say the pros by far outweigh the cons. And I have a couple of good friends who really struggled for the first couple of years of two kids under 2- tho they get payback when they're into similar stiff and play well together now.

Oh yes, and of course you get more time to devote to the second child while the older one's busy at school/ preschool.

I have 3 boys, 11, 6 and 3. To be honest it is difficult to answer as it has changed depending upon their ages and development, and depending on who is feeling left out because there are 3 of them. right now, it is pretty difficult as DS1 is too old really to want to play with DS2, though DS1/DS3 get on very well, because DS3 is still young enough to idolise him and do what he's told.

DS2 and DS3 like the idea of playing together but within 5 mins are beating the crap out of each other. DS2 wants DS1 to play with him all the time but they have such different interests it is hard. DS1 constantly beats him at football (and everything else) and they only seem do competitive games so DS2 is constantly feeling humiliated. It is VERY hard work sometimes, so we pretty much just divide and rule. Which means doing things as a whole family is almost impossible without conflict.

Got all that? Some of this is the different ages, some of it is personalities and some of it is to do with the threesome and sibling rivalry. And some, shit parenting obv . I don't think there is a perfect age: no doubt all those with 3 under 5 are utterly pulling their hair out for different reasons...

Some good bits: DS1 has offered to look after youngest two for an hour at weekends while we're still in bed. For money of course . Nursery fees etc spaced out. Only one set of nappies at once.