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ever feel like you've lost all your patience and calm? Help!

2 replies

decaffeinated · 18/08/2010 17:37

I've a five month old dd, and two and a half year old ds. My daughter's pretty high maintenance (wants to be carried all the time), and so it makes giving my son lots of attention which he needs just now a bit hard.

Every now and again when they're both crying I run out of patience and shout. Mostly at my ds. I feel awful afterwards.

I want to be able to keep my cool, as shouting doesn't help any of us!

Today, for example, ds was hungry for his tea, and being fussy and crying (he had plenty of snacks today!) dd was crying, too, but I had to make tea... so I had to just get on with it with the pair of them crying. GOd knows what the neighbours must think. I started by singing to them, which works for 30 seconds, then eventually when DS was repeating the same thing over and over (shoes on, shoes on, shoes on), I lost it and they both cried even harder (unsurprisingly).

DS is now having dinner, DD has been fed and is playing happily so calm is restored, but does anyone have any tips on how to stay cool in those moments where it all feels like it's falling apart?

I get so wound up by it, even though I realise it's never more than about 10 minutes, but I'm worried it's unhealthy for my ds to see me like that, and also to be shouted at, and for both of them to be in these toxic moments.

I do also praise him alot when he's being good, and I know DD is just a baby, but any advice gratefully received! DD crying again now...

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
RuthChan · 18/08/2010 18:40

I completely understand.
Your situation mirrors my own to a great extent.
My DD is now 3.5 and DS is 20 months. I have to reassure that it is starting to get easier.
However, it can be so tough, feeling yourself getting stressed, frustrated and increasingly wound up. You know shouting is wrong, but can't help it. Then feeling awful afterwards.
One thing that can help is leaving the room for a minute or two to separate yourself from the DCs. Allow yourself to calm down and gather your thoughts in peace. In my house this usually results in the DCs trying to follow me and screaming about me leaving, but in the worst cases I actually lock myself in the spare room so that they can't follow me even if they try.
Another thing that has helped me is Passion Flower extract. It's a herbal rememdy that helps to calm mood. Taken in a low dose 3 times a day, it can give a little extra support in keeping calm and not getting so fraught in the first place. I don't take it regularly any more, but it really helped for a while. Taken in a larger dose it also works for insomnia. You might find that your chemist or a herbal shop can help you find it if you are interested.

decaffeinated · 18/08/2010 20:05

Thanks Ruth, it is reassuring to know it gets easier... I know I just need to chill, and I think walking out of the room sounds like it'll work for me. I'll give it a go next time I get the synchra-cry situation.

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