Struggling to look after 5 month and 2 year old

[Gangle]

Looking for advice on how to best approach looking after a 5 month old and 2.5 year old. Things are starting to fall in place a bit but I still have some days when things go horribly wrong and both are screaming at the same time and I end up completely frazzled. I already do things like bathe them together, stories together, try to get the 2 year old to help with the baby etc but am wondering what else I could do to make life easier. My 2 year old DS1 has a 1.5-2 hour nap after lunch and I try to get DS2 to nap at the same time but he's terrible at napping during the day (always wakes up after 10 minutes) and I end up bad-tempered and completely frustrated after spending the whole time trying to get him to nap whilst the housework and washing mounts up. DS2 hates being put down so anything I do, e.g. make lunch for DS1, is always done against a background of screaming which really stresses me out. Really trying to enjoy this special time when I am off work with both of them but am worried that I am not doing enough to stimulate either of them and that neither get enough attention. We get out and about as much as possible but that in itself is hard as DS1 tends to run off, especially if I have dared to stop to feed DS2. I tend to make do, e.g. buy DS1 an ice cream so that he sits still for 5 mins whilst I feed DS2 but just feel like I am turning into bad-tempered, frazzled old bag!

Hi Gangle
I am so sorry to hear about your situation, but I completely understand how you feel.
I could have written the same post myself 18 months ago.
Your situation is completely normal. I think all mums must go through the same stage.
Firstly, DO NOT worry about not giving them enough attention, stimulation etc. I am sure you are giving them plenty just by being there. Both your DCs are at demanding stages, in different ways. Just by attending to those demands, you are giving them attention.
It sounds like you have plenty of good ideas about how to cope with everything. Trying to get them to do as much as possible together is good. Also, getting DS1 to help with DS2 is great. Make him feel involved with his new brother. Does he have a doll or teddy that he could adopt as his own baby? Maybe he would enjoy feeding it, changing its nappy etc when you are dealing with DS2.
With regards to DS2 not wanting to be put down. It's a bit harder work, but do you have a sling (particularly a back-pack style one) that you could put him in while you do the housework and cooking. Although it's quite heavy, it can be far less stressful than having a screaming soundtrack to everything and could also help him nap for more than 10 mins.
Finally, DO NOT worry about turning into a frazzled old bag. It's normal, it is to a certain extent unavoidable. You will, at some point, return to your usual smiley cheerful self. (Well at least I intend to at some point! :o)
This phase is hard, but it is temporary. As DS2 gets bigger and needs less feeding, attention etc and DS1 learns to talk more and becomes more independent it gets easier.
Also, you can look forward to next year when they will finally be able to play together properly and will even entertain each other!

Hi, I have a 26mo and a 6mo. How I survive...

Housework - I do tiny bits during the day and then me and dp do it all at the weekend or in the evenings.

Going out - I have a phil and teds and its a god send! Dd2 cant go anywhere when we are out! I take reins with us though and if she walks I hold the reins (she is bloomin quick!!)

Attention etc - I read stories and we sing songs and I pull stupid faces to dd2 at the same time!

My life savers - My Phil and Teds, my bouncer chair for dd2, baby walker for dd2, Cbeebies!!

You will be fine. It took me ages before I managed to settle into having 2 so young. My dd2 is now trying to crawl and is happy rolling around the floor which makes it easier. She also loves any music/light toys and will sit for ages looking at them!

I dont worry because at the end of the day neither of them will rememeber any of this stage. If you leave one of them crying while you sort the other one out its not the end of the world.

It gets easier as they get older!

Gangle, are you me?! All I can say is that I am in your situation, EXACTLY, and posted about it earlier. It's really hard sometimes. Some more great advice from Ruth.

Big pats on the back all round for those moments when it all feels like it's going well, and guess we've just gotta hang on in there and keep taking those deep breaths knowing that it'll get easier as time goes on.

Knackering though, isn't it!

Beyond awful some days - do you ever feel like you just want to cry?? Keep telling myself that things don't have to be perfect but everything feels like the final straw at which I just want to burst into tears. Tried an outing to the library earlier - DS1 did his usual trick of running off, going limp and laying on the floor when I tried to bring him back, refusing to sit through the story, demanding to leave earlier, insisting on pizza for lunch then refusing to eat it oh and then refusing to nap because he had already napped in the car! Try to hard but guess you have to accept that some day (most days!) just don't go as planned! I ended up yelling at him then letting him do what he wants so now he feels his bad behaviour has been rewarded and I feel terrible. Just can't seem to keep my cool at the moment.

get out the house as much as possible, find a friendly children's centre nearby if u have one & just practically move yourself in, it really helps!
does your younger one take a dummy? if not i guess maybe you wouldn't want to give him one now? but i find it quite useful for mine that he will take it so helps them able to be put down while still having some comfort, enables you to get on a bit? otherwise the sling idea maybe..

I have a similar age gap although mine are now 5 and nearly 3 - I would agree, get out as much as you can but only go to places that you are sure aren't going to tip you over the edge! I used to take mine to the library when they were younger and it was hell, as were big playgrounds - running off in different directions etc. Find somewhere fun, but contained so they can play and you can breathe a bit! Also, don't be hard on yourself - do whatever it takes to manage. If that means a lot of cbeebies, biscuits etc, so be it. It's not forever - it does get better and as with everything else, is only a phase - an exhausting and bewildering one!, but not forever. take care.