Does the constant guilt and worry ever stop?

[jinglesticks]

I have a lovely 6mo dd and everything is going brilliantly, she sleeps well, feeds well and is absolutley delightful, but I can't stop worrying about every little thing! Every decision I make I worry about and feel guilty. Even if I decide to put her down for a nap, or feed her, or take her for a walk I worry it was the wrong decision and feel guilty. The big decisions like going back to work and childcare are just hanging over me - I can't imagine how guilty I'm going to feel. This is wearing me out - by the time she goes to bed I am exhausted from the stress and guilt of feeling like a terrible mother! My family keep telling me I'm worrying too much and that I'm doing really well, and that just makes me feel more guilty for worrying them.

Now I've just read what I've written and I'm worrying and feeling guilty about how much I'm worrying! Help! Is this normal? Is this just what motherhood is like? Does it get better?

Having kids is a constant worry prob more so in the early stages with your first.Keep repeating "I am doing fine,it is just a phase,this too will pass" :o.It will be fine.Nobody is a perfect mother

I don't know what I worried about before I had dc!! Seriously!
It does get less though i think, well less intense. Those first 6 months are pretty tough!
There have been four main things that helped me stop worrying and enjoy it

1. My dad said 99% of decisions are reversible so I saw going back to work as trying it and seeing how it went (ignoring slightly the fact that finacially I need to work really!!)

1. My mum said the baby doesn't know if you are doing it 'right'. There is no 'right' and in the end most of it doesn't really matter.

1. It goes so fast! When you dd is 18 mo or even 9 mo you won't know/care when you put her down/ how much you gave her to eat etc etc, just whether you enjoyed it! And neither will your dd. And you will start to get signs that you've done OK so far when they do actually behave OK and turn into lovely little kids (most of the time!!)

1. I bet your dd is pretty enamoured with you. I bet her face lights up when you come into the room. They are pretty forgiving little things even if you did get the timing of their nap wrong! Who doesn't!! I bet your own mum did!

So try to chill and enjoy it. No need to be the perfect parent. Its fine to be good enough!

Hi there, my ds is 6mo and I feel like this a lot of the time, is worse when I have a whole day at home with nothng to do so I try to get out, go to baby groups or meet friends most days and it does help............ My ds is also good eater, sleeper and generally very happy, but still, like you do worry all the time about whether I'm getting it right........

Honestly think The Worry and The Guilt are the hardest things about being a mummy, all the things I thought would be hard aren't as bad as I exected but I never anticipated the sheer headspace that worrying would take up and it really is wearing sometime........

Mum tells me that I just need to look at him to reassure myself that I'm getting it right - he's happy and developing well and very chilled and sure your dd is too so you must be doing ok - but know its hard to remind yourself of this sometimes!!!!

mmmmmmmmmmm.... No. Never stops, that is .

It sounds as though you are worrying excessively and you might benefit from talking to your GP.

Guilt is a pointless emotion. You do what you have to do, be that putting them in their own room, or going back to work, or whatever.

The worry though, it never goes away. You get used it. Remember how as a teeenager you laughed about your dad waiting up til you got home.....?

Honestly, I remember when dd was born, the overwhelming sense of responsibility! I hated it! It felt like my world had ended and the new world with all the dangers was too awful to contemplate.

But it gets easier and easier given time. My dd is 6 now and I (just about) let her ride her bike out front and we even had a conversation about roller skates and she has gone for a week at the seaside without me .

Guilt has its place if you've actually done something wrong and it spurs you to right that wrong. It can be a very useful and essential feeling. However, if guilt is used as penance, allowing a person to cast themself as the victim of the situation, suffering more than anyone could ever imagine, in order to avoid the effort or inconvenience of fixing the problem - then it's wrong.

Kids are hardy and you can do it wrong wrong wrong and they may still grow up to be President - look at the Bush family. But there can be a thousand things wrong with them on a deeper level, with most of the problems having their roots in childhood and our parenting.

Guilt isn't to be confused with 'feeling bad about something' though, as this can also be an essential feeling when working towards the greater good, such as putting your kids in a separate room. It shows compassion, however, when it morphs into wallowing and becomes a self indulgent display of showing the world 'how much I care' it becomes unpleasant and very unhelpful.

Often we use our kids to legitimise anxiety problems we had long before having them, problems that didn't enhance our lives or relationships one bit. We can claim "Look it's not me worrying about me anymore, I'm worrying about this poor helpless child who needs me." It's a transference of anxiety in order to get us out of dealing with our real problem. If we don't deal with it we'll have a life of external angst as there's something you could worry yourself sick about with kids around every corner. Anxious parents tend to produce anxious kids who become anxious adults who are not much joy to themselves or anyone else. Sounds harsh but we've all been there, however, it's about whether we decide to stay there.

I have reflected on this a bit and think bibbity might be right. A trip to your GP might be in order to be sure you aren't a bit depressed.

Thanks for advice - I really empathise with what MrsMC82 said - it is the hardest thing. Everything else is so much easier than I imagined - the sleepless nights, the feeding etc. I though they would be hard but they are nothing in comparision to the emotional energy spent worrying!

I don't think I ever worried before having a baby, and I didn't really start until a couple of months ago - I used to think I was doing a great job. I really do worry about stupid things, like I never used to worry about death, but now I'm terrifed that I'm going to die and leave dd all alone!

I think I will mention it to HV next visit, but I feel better to know it is sort of normal.

Never stops....well not for the last 10 years so far.

I think a parent worries about their child every day of their life and even still when their child is an adult and has their own children.