Help with 4 yr old dd's eating needed please!!

[Foxy800]

Hi there, my lo is 4 and teatime is a nightmare and getting worse!!!
Breakfast and lunch are very limited as to what she will eat but at least she is eating. Teatimes are a nightmare.
As a baby she would eat anything then she choked a couple of times and that is when the trouble began.
We have always had a rule that if she trys tea she can have pudding( depends how much she eats as to what she has) and she can have a snack at bedtime. If she refused to touch it then no puddign but she could have snack at bedtime.
Normally she nibbles on it so gets pudding but am trying to encourage a better diet as it not great with what she will eat. Over the last 3 nights we have had 2 nights of screaming and refusing to touch it so no pudding and no snack at bedtime apart from glass of milk.

We often get tears before we have even made tea and the other day after refusing tea she woke up the next day and complained about being tired and refused her milk and brekkie, an hour later she was slightly sick then was fine and suddenly had her appetite back and ate loads. Im sure it was a coincidence and not related to not eating tea the night before.

Im a bit of a worrier though and am concerned she has some sort of food phobia and dont know how to help her.

I have spoken to hvs before and been told to just keep trying!!! We are currently writing food diaries ( on week 2 tomorrow) and am doing a meal planner just for tea times. Am thinking about trying to get hv or doctor to refer us to a dietitican but dont know if that is the right move or not.

Thank you for reading if you got this far and any advice greatfully recieved.

Speech and Language Therapist- can be trained to work with feeding issues too

Sorry, yes it is a speech and language therapist. Feeding used to be one of my specialisms when I worked .

Although behaviour issues would not usually be in our remit, it is often difficult to untangle behaviour and developmental issues.

That is interesting, dd is seeing a speech therapist at the moment, she has her next session on Thursday, could be her last for a while, dp is taking her so is it worth getting him to talk to them then as it is starting to affect her sleep and her general behaviur as well.

Yes, definitely ask if she is having sessions for communication already. Does she have a communication delay?

The clinic therapist is unlikely to have specific training in feeding (but might have). Perhaps find out who you need to speak to (i.e. someone who specialises in paediatric feeding issues in the slt department) and get their contact number.

You will probably need to get a gp referral but once you have spoken to the specialist therapist, she can always write to request a written referral from the gp. I did it all the time, and gps are generally happy to do this.

A joint assessment/session with the slt feeding specialist and psychologist could be very useful if that is possible. I think you want to avoid being given two different plans of tackling the situation which could be confusing for you and dd.

Thank you so much for your help. She has been under a speech therapist for the last year or so for slow developing speech, never thought they could be slightly connected!!!

Will write it all down and ask dp to speak to them on Thursday.

Again thank you so much for the help. Wouldnt have known where to start without you.

Off on holiday for a week. Hope you get somewhere this week.

Hope you have a great holiday and thank you so mmuch for the help.

How's it going Foxy?

Hi Foxy,

with regards to the giving pudding, my ds2 was also picky when he was younger and my hv also said to give pudding whether he ate his main or not. I didn't really understand this as I thought it would encourage them to not eat the main and go straight for the pud. The hv said the plan is to give them a small pudding for e.g. a small petit filous yogurt, or 1 rich tea biscuit, which is tasty but not that filling. The child will soon realise that yes they can have the pud but also that they are still hungry so they should also eat the main.

That seems to make sense but tbh I didn't follow it! There's only 20 months between my 2 children and I thought it would be confusing for ds1 to see that dd2 could not eat his main and still get pud.

I've come to the conclusion that ds2 is just not always hungry. He used to quite often miss out lunch and sometimes tea as well and he wasn't bothered. He didn't wake in the night for food and was a healthy weight. I totally agree that the less attention the child gets the better the situation (though it sounds as if you are making it as calm as possible!). In our house they don't eat main they don't get pud. End of. They usually accept this easily now (ds1 is 4, ds2 is 2).

I really hope you get sorted soon, food is such a terrible issue to deal with

x

THank you guys, sorry have been offlien for a while, only just back online last night.

Well we havent made much progress but have made a small one in that she ate quarter of a plain jacket potato the other day, wouldnt let me put anything with it.

We have had a reply to referral to peadiation but cause of her age they wont refer her yet, just said to go through hv, who is coming back on Monday aftter meetign with child phylogist.
Have spoken to school where she will be starting on thursday and am going to start her on packed lunches but then when we start to make progress they will help us with this if necessary.

Other than that just going with the meal planner etc.

Although it is still very hard work feeling a little more positive though.

Just to relieve your worry you could give her a vitamin supplement? Will she drink milkshakes?

Could you make a smoothie? My son wouldn't eat fruit until I bought a Disney Smoothie maker and then he would drink any fruit as long as Mickey made it.

I always thought that as long as he was getting a certain amount of fruit a day - it didn't really matter about the veg. I just kept putting it on his plate and eventually (after a couple of years!) he ate it. Following the same logic he will eat any veg as long as it is soup.

It is stressful though so lots of sympathy - I tihnk as Mums we are hardwired to provide for our kids and then when they don't eat it - we panic! Hope it works out :O)

I've got no advice I'm afraid, just bookmarking so I can steal advise. My Dd, also 4 yrs sounds very similar, and I've also had no luck yet with anything I've tried. She starts school on Thursday, I'm going to put her down for school dinners in the hope seeing all her friends eating might encourage her. Having said that, snack was provided at pre-school and seeing the other children eat made no difference.

Hope you find a solution soon, I know how stressful it is!

Love the way I spelt advice correctly then immediately got it wrong in the same sentence.

Thanks for the replies guys. She does have a vitamin every day and isnt too bad with fruit which is something.

My lo also starts school on Thursday ans that is what we wish to do but have been advised to leave it to begin with. Let me know how it goes, would be interested to hear.

I don't think it makes too much difference whether she is on school unches or packed lunch really at this stage.

How are you getting on with just giving her her food and not getting into any discussion about it?

Another tactic that might help you keep your feelings under control at mealtimes is to give yourself 'a month' (arbitrary length), where she can eat/not eat what she wants and you need not worry about it or comment. Then at the end of the month, see if anything has changed.

This tactic almost gives yourself permission to not worry about it or get wound up by it for a few weeks and I think, it is your behaviour at meal times you need to change in order to change hers, iyswim.

Hi there,

SHe is still getting workedup about mid afternoon but am just changing the subject and so on.

Yeah see what you mean and we are naking a little progress in that she still is saying not eatting what I dont like etc but it is being given to her and if she doesnt eat it Im simply taking it and putting in the bin ( wont let me leave on side) and she gets down with nothing else apart fro mher milk.
It is still hard work but finding the meal planner works and I personally think I have relaxed quite alot on it so hopefully.

Sounds like good progress.

Well done for not reacting at all. Hopefully, it will have a knock on effect and help to stop you feeling so anxious about it too, which in turn, obviously helps to show no reaction when she does not eat much.

It's all about reversing that vicious circle of everyone being anxious

Once her anxiety reduces and she can eat a meal (and lead up to eating the meal) in complete calm, I would consider reducing the quantity of milk she drinks so that she has a better appetite. Don't do this until you are all much more relaxed though and have been for a few weeks.