can't cope anymore!

[grapesandmoregrapes]

I have two DD's, a 2 year old and a 9 month old and am struggling to cope with them both at the moment. I am a single parent, and work two days a week, but the real difficulty is that DD1 gets up at 5.30 every morning, and doesn't nap during the day anymore, so I'm constantly shattered.

My XP comes down to see them every fortnight as he lives a long way away, so this is the only proper break I get.

DD1 is a typical two year old, and has tantrums fairly regularly, but it really winds me up when she just refuses to do something I've asked her, or carry's on doing things when I've told her to stop. This leads to me getting angry and shouting at her, her then crying and me feeling like a complete bitch and the worst mum in the world! It also pisses me off that their dad then gets to swan in and be all lovely and nice to them, and not have to discipline them.

I always promise myself that I will stay calm, but then she just winds me up so much that I lose it again. I don't really know what I'm asking for apart from advice on how not to lose my temper when I'm at the end of my tether.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, but didn't want to just read and leave.

I'm sure someone with similar experience will be here soon!

Hi grapes, sounds like you are having a rough time. Sleep deprivation really makes you feel less able to handle things, And react in ways that you'd rather not.

Is there any way you can get a bit of rest time on the days you are not at work, a friend or family member which could take your older DD for a morning or afternoon while you have a bit of time with just the baby? And maybe you could catch up on some rest. Or by making sure that if you can't keep her in bed any later in the mornings, force yourself to have a couple of really early nights each week, ditch the housework and whatever just go to bed.

Don't beat yourself up at being a bit shouty, it's not the end of the world as long as it's not all the time......I can only suggest trying to take a deep breath and ignore the tantrums. Take care

I@ve only lived in the area for 6 months so don't really know many people, at least not well enough to leave DD1 with them. My parents live 30mins away but they both work full time, so need any time they have off to do what they want. And I knid of feel that my DC are my responsibility, not my parents.

I just find that I'm turning into the sort of mother that I vowed I wouldn't be, and I'm worried that my DC will grow up to hate me :(

g&mg . I sympathise. I went though a similar bad patch at the start of the year with DS (then 3.2) waking at 5am . I shouted a lot and was off sick from work and very run down in the end.

It took a few weeks to crack the early waking. We did 'rapid return' but it was hard going as being woken at 5am I wasn't really tuned into parenting techniques and usually just shouted. It did work in the end though, I think I bored him back to bed with the silent treatment.

Looking forward can you put the DC's in nursery / childminders for an extra day / half day each week so you can catch up. I work 3 days a week but the DC's go to nursery for 4 days so I'm starting to get on top of things again .

Try not to think like that- your eldest is only 2, so as time goes on she should start to sleep a bit later, but I know that doesn't help too much now. Nobody behaves in the way they'd like to all the time, and I know I have certainly done things that I know I could've handled better. The point is that you recognize this. I think it is much worse to get things wrong and be ignorant of it. Having a rough patch does definitely not make you a bad parent!

Maybe you can think about asking your parents to have them both for a few hours one weekend. I don't know what your relationship with them is like, but they might jump at the chance. My mum loves seeing her grandchildren without their parents around, she loves uninterrupted grandma time when she is in charge!

Thanks for the replies, feel a bit better now they are in bed and I have a glass of wine.

I will ask my parents if they can have DD1 for the night once a fortnight or so, which they will be fine with, I just feel bad asking because I know how busy they are. I'm also hoping that DD1 will sleep a bit later when it gets to winter and isn't light at 5, which will hopefully make things easier.